Last Week Tonight with John Oliver / Funny

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver / Funny

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    Season One 

  • The very first line of the present is definitely a subversion a what would turn into the working “Welcome, welcome, welcome…” greeting: “Welcome, welcome, welcome to whatever this is.”
  • The first use of celebrities, responding to a cutesy advert for a web site that did not work with an analogous deal starring Lisa Loeb.
  • During his phase on Nintendo’s lack of same-sex marriages in Tomodachi Life, John exhibits a couple of clips of Nintendo’s different characters having fun with these rights. Mario and Link kiss, Peach and Zelda have a Sexy Discretion Shot, Yoshi marries Toad (full with Yoshi doubling in measurement by kissing him), and at last, Bowser (with a mustache) receiving demise advantages after his longtime associate Donkey Kong passes away. To make up for that final one, it then cuts to Bowser and Donkey Kong each alive and properly, now having brunch collectively.
  • In the phase on police militarization, a real-life advert for a police M113 armored personnel provider observe  is proven. The advert is ridiculously over-the-top, and accompanied by a music known as “Die Motherfucker Die.”


  • Stephen Hawking himself administering a number of third diploma metaphorical burns to Oliver over the course of their brief interview.
    John: You’ve acknowledged that you just consider there may very well be an infinite variety of parallel universes, does that imply… that there’s a universe on the market… the place I’m smarter than you?
    Stephen: Yes. And additionally a universe the place you are humorous.
    • John follows that practice of thought, to see if there are any universes the place he will get to go on a date with Charlize Theron:
      Stephen: No.
      John: What, under no circumstances? In no univers—
      Stephen: No.
      John: In not one of the infinite universes does that occur.
      Stephen: No.
      John: It’s utterly past the bounds of scientific chance, is what you are saying.
      Stephen: Yes.
      John: [beat] …Quick follow-up query: in any of these of potential universes am I the one rejecting her, and that is why it would not work?
      Stephen: No. You do notice that typing a response is tough for me, appropriate?
      John: Ok, yeah, certain, I’m simply making an attempt to play this out, see if there are any hypothetical universe—
      Stephen: No.
    • He then tries to place Hawking’s IQ to the check.

      John: Look, if you happen to’re so sensible, what quantity am I considering of—
      Stephen: Thirteen.
      John: …It was-it was 13, I used to be considering of 13… Um… Okay, that was a fortunate guess, what am I considering proper now?
      Stephen: That you’ve got been an enormous disappointment to your loved ones.
      John:[swallows] I wasn’t considering that. Why would I feel that? Y’know, I’m making an attempt as laborious as I can. Why is that so laborious for them to know, hypothetically? I wasn’t considering that.

  • The complete phase about Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott.

    “Australia is for real Australians, like Tony Abbott, who was actually born in London, England.”

  • When discussing FIFA’s request that Brazil change the legislation in an effort to enable alcohol in sports activities stadiums, they performed a clip of a French FIFA official asking them to take action.observe  John then continues:

    John: [in French accent] Maybe I look a beet arrogahnt, however uh, the way you say, fuck your legal guidelines, and your pooblic saff-ty. Is zat proper?

    • Also, relating to the truth that FIFA has a billion {dollars} within the bank when the chairman says that they are non-profit.
      Sepp Blatter: This a reserve.
      John: A reserve? A reserve of a billion {dollars}. When your wet day fund is so large you have to test it for swimming cartoon geese, you may not be a non-profit anymore.
    • John evaluating cash to pubic hair, and FIFA to wax — “They’re gonna be all over you during the World Cup, but they’re taking all the money with them, including some from places you didn’t even know you had any money! Leaving you teary-eyed going ‘Jesus, what happened to you?! Wha? What happened? I’m never doing this again!'”
    • John evaluating the design of FIFA’s boardroom with the conflict room from Dr. Strangelove.
  • “Antarctica: Stop Coming Here!”
  • When pandering whereas describing the problem with Dr. Oz, Oliver brings on George R. R. Martin to show pandering.
  • In organising his interview with Pepe Julian Onziema, a Uganda LGBT activist, John confirmed a clip from a Ugandan morning present that Pepe was on. The first query out of the interviewer’s mouth was “Why are you gay?” Naturally, considering that is how all interviews in Uganda begin, John had this as his first query for Pepe.
  • The pretend assault adverts in opposition to Allison Grimes and Mitch McConnell. Especially the latter.

    For too lengthy, politics in Washington have been dominated by previous, white, wrinkled dicks. And no dick is older, whiter, or wrinklier than Mitch McConnell’s.
    (a detailed shot of an previous, white, wrinkled penis seems)
    Think about that, Kentucky. And do not simply give it some thought — have a look at it.

  • The dialogue of playing habit commercials in Singapore.
  • When discussing Kansas probably cashing in on porn, John rattles off a collection of Parallel Porn Titles, capping with (to exploit The Wizard of Oz connection) “Swallow the Yellow Dicks’ Load”.
    • He takes all of it the way in which. He describes the assorted gadgets on the market, and advises individuals to deal with this like a charity public sale, the place individuals overpay for issues that they do not really want. This is completed with him advising the individuals of Kansas to purchase an 18-inch double dildo and proudly show it of their lounge, and once they have company over, to take it off the shelf and wave it within the faces of the company.
  • John Oliver, unhappy over the damaged jail system of America, tries to speak to a bunch of Muppet kids about his worries. One of the youngsters says that his dad is in jail for a minor drug offense. John agrees with the child that his dad most likely should not be in jail for that. But then one woman speaks up.

    Muppet Girl: Well, my daddy’s in jail as a result of he killed 4 individuals!
    John: [a little stunned] Well, okay, he is truly a harmful particular person who NEEDS to be in jail.

    • As properly because the crocodile whose father is behind bars too… at a zoo.
      Crocodile: Well, it seems to be the identical to him.
      John Oliver: Those are zoos! Those are zoos, your dad is an alligator in a zoo!
      Crocodile: I’m a crocodile. I’m a crocodile! Oh, we all look alike, proper?
      Monster: Ah, Jesus. Here we go.
    • You can see John Oliver Corpsing after the above line, masking his mouth to cover his smile. He recovers in time to reply to the crocodile with a straight face.
    • Also, he talks about how a lady had sugar put in her C-section. The Monster child then asks what a C-section is, if it is the Letter C (which he pulls out). John Oliver says that is what he means.
  • A great portion of his Nuclear Weapons phase is him detailing the utter ineptitude of the system and other people watching over these Nuclear Weapons, culminating in:
    • There was additionally this:
      Some of our strongest weapons are Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles, I.C.B.M., which is each an acronym, and what you’ll say if you happen to noticed one coming at you. That’s a little bit joke for all you gastroenterologists on the market.
  • Due to legal guidelines in Thailand that prohibit insulting their monarchy, John is placed on their army watch record (as a risk, no much less) after he does a phase mocking mentioned monarchy. His response is to complain about their reveal of his center title and to promptly burn a number of extra bridges by insulting all of the monarchies of nations which have related legal guidelines.
  • Syrian president Bashad al Assad has LMFAO and Right Said Fred amongst his iTunes purchases. The former leads John to notice that “a guy with the political interests of a young Joseph Stalin and the music tastes of a 14-year-old girl from Orange County named Tiffany.” The latter brings Right Said Fred to sing a version of “I’m Too Sexy” (“You’re an Asshole”). And John seems to be downright giddy carrying an indication.
  • During the coverage of the Argentine banking default, when it’s revealed that one of the American hedge funds that lent to the government apparently tried to repossess one of the country’s naval crafts after they couldn’t sufficiently pay their debts:
  • When covering the issue of the Wage Gap between men and women, John closes the show with a faux commercial for “Ladybucks”, a way for corporations to pay women the same amount of money as men, but with the value being 83 percent the value of actual currency. One notable payoff is when a female employee gives her male employer a “thumbs up” when he peeks in her cubicle, but then flips him off with both hands the second his back is turned.
  • The entire discussion on the Scottish Independence debate, especially John’s mini-rant on British Prime Minister David Cameron.
  • Law and Order: Civil Asset Forfeiture Unit, featuring more than a few cameos from Criminal Intent.
    • And during the credits, Jeff Goldblum even repeats a line that inspired a great retort from John: “Tenny Mucho Mucho Deniro in Su Trucky Trailer”.observe 
  • The “How Is This Still a Thing?” segment on Columbus Day, points out that Christopher Columbus is hardly someone to look up to, seeing how he was involved in the enslavement and murder of many Native Americans. It is then suggested that Italian Americans should find someone more admirable to celebrate as a hero:
  • The reason why robots in home improvement retailers are not a good idea, plus the follow-up Home Depot Commercial.
  • Basically, your entire first couple of minutes of the State Legislatures and ALEC episode showing how they’re basically Cloudcuckoolanders full of racist and loud, angry people. Though, it quickly goes into Fridge Horror territory when he says they’re the ones passing most bills. Yes, those loud, angry, and racist people pass more bills than Congress.
  • The Salmon Cannon, in which John goes Shamu Fu on a truly impressive number of celebrities. Naturally, the first victim is Jon Stewart while hosting The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, who looks at where the salmon landed with a “dafuq?” expression. The reactions of the opposite celebrities are priceless. Among others…
  • The parody advert attacking the Washington Redskins title.
  • In his phase on payday loans, John points out that many payday loan companies get celebrities to star in ads to help boost their publicity. In response, he shows a parody ad featuring Sarah Silverman, where she recommends a wonderful alternative to taking out a payday loan: “Anything Else”, i.e. she suggests doing literally anything else instead of dealing with the predatory industry of payday loans. Some of her suggestions include selling sperm or blood, throwing oneself in front of a rich guy’s car because he’ll throw money to make the person leave, and for seniors, taking things, because who would stop an old person?
  • In the Student Debt segment, John expresses shock that for-profit colleges can cost five to six times as much as community college, then says that for that price, you should really get to hang out with a study group full of lovable camps for six seasons and a movie.

    Season Two 

  • On pharmaceutical companies spending more on marketing than on R&D:

    John: Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends. They’re much more concerned with getting inside of you than being effective once they’re in there.

  • The show prepared a farewell message for Radioshack to use, with the commercial asking What the Hell, Hero? at the jokes made at their bankruptcy.
  • From the How is This Still a Thing? featurette on the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue:
    Narrator: Even S.I. seems to know it’s losing relevance — which may be why, every year, like clockwork, they provoke an attention-grabbing controversy, whether it’s using other countries’ citizens as props […] objectifying woman with an actual object […] or this year, baiting the media with THIS bullshit.
    (The 2015 issue appears, featuring model Hannah Davis pulling down her bikini bottom)
    Carl Quintanilla: When the line goes this far, what’s left?
    Narrator: The vagina. The vagina is what’s left.
  • The footage of Vladimir Putin, after making a big show of Russia’s military force while visiting Egypt, having to listen to his country’s national anthem be butchered by a soggy, off-key brass band. He looks so sternly bellicose that even John cracks up.

    John: (barely containing his laughter) LOOK HOW ANGRY HE IS! And yet, he’s got to just stand there and take it!

  • John when talking about our infrastructure and how highway funds get money from a gas tax, but the tax hasn’t increased with inflation.
    John: The fact that it hasn’t increased means that in real terms the gas-tax has gone down 39% since 1993. Much like koosh ball sales or respect for Bill Cosby.
  • When John makes the red-tailed hawk the official raptor of Last Week Tonight, a live hawk is brought out to demonstrate. John does his level best to keep going while cringing in fear of it, and the trainer even stretches his arm so it will be closer to John.
    • Watch closely: the trainer looks at John cringing, and then grins at the audience before he sloooowly moved the hawk closer.
  • John takes on the government surveillance:
    • After flying to Russia to interview Edward Snowden, he waits for an hour longer than he expected to – and halfway through that hour, he was informed that their Russian producer had booked them a room that overlooked the former KGB headquarters, and current FSB headquarters in Russia.
    • He also asks random people on the street who Edward Snowden is. The answers he got range from “I do not know” to “He’s the founding father of WikiLeaks,” the latter of which actually refers to Julian Assange. John then said to not confuse Snowden with Assange.
    • John frames the debate in terms everyone can understand: dick pics. Snowden has an amazingly baffled look upon opening a folder John has told him contains very sensitive information. It’s a picture of John’s dick. The level of Innocent Innuendo in the explanation given by Snowden of the programs that follows (e.g. “Upstream is how they snatch your junk” and “PRISM is how they pull your junk out of Google, with Google’s involvement”) is huge.
    • John’s look of terror at the conclusion of their interview, when Snowden tells them that now they’re “related” and the NSA will be putting him on “the record”.
  • “Standardized assessments! The quickest method to terrify any youngster with 5 letters outdoors of simply whispering the phrase “clown”!”
    • The episode starts with school-made videos to motivate kids during testing season, including of one of a pep rally with a monkey mascot. John says that the videos put him in the mood and calls in the monkey.
    • After a heartwrenching video of a eigth grader giving a tearful speech about how she was asked to leave her AP classes due to her low test scores, John calls the monkey in again, only to yell at him for making the girl cry.
    • When teacher pay getting tied to student test scores gets explained:

      John: That explains why the signs that used to say “consider in yourselves” now read, “Don’t fuck me on this!”

  • When John rolls out his mascots for varied federal companies, the mascot for the Bureau of Alcohol, Firearms, Tobacco, and Explosives is Bob Balaban… that is, the real Bob Balaban, standing there in a jacket and tie, looking awfully confused. You honestly get the impression that they hired him and then deliberately told him nothing about the gig, just to sell that reaction.
  • The sequel to his disdain for FIFA (or as he called it “FIFA II: Electric Boogaloo”), when the news hit of FIFA officials being arrested. To say he was gleefully and hilariously vindictive would be an understatement; he probably had jokes prepared years in advance in case this happened.
  • And the followup to that: just two days after he ran the FIFA II episode talking about the arrests in the FIFA scandal, the universally hated president of FIFA Sepp Blatter resigned. Oliver at the time, due to the unlikelihood of Blatter leaving office, mockingly asked FIFA sponsors in the previous episode to pull support in order to pressure Blatter by saying he’d wear a truly ridiculous pair of Adidas shoes, take a bite out of everything in the Dollar Menu at McDonald’s, and even drink a Bud Light Lime. Despite the fact (stated by John himself) that there was no indication of any of those companies pulling sponsorship or that Blatter resigning was because of them, John proved he was a man of his word and did all three; Special mention goes to the Bud Light Lime segment: while he said he’d claim it was delicious, he never said about what he’d say before drinking it.

    John: …Bud Light Lime tastes like Jolly Green Giant’s ejaculate, it tastes like the Great Gazoo urinating in a public pool or a lime Jolly Rancher fished out of Mickey Rourke’s mouth!

    • Not only did Oliver drink the bottle, he CHUGGED IT.
      • His remark about the Dollar Menu? “It’s like there is a get together in my mouth and my abdomen has known as the cops to have it shut down!”
    • There was also the matter of Blatter’s resignation happening around the same time as the North American release of United Passions, a biopic about the history of FIFA that had been financed by FIFA and was suspiciously glowing in spite of the years of accusations of corruption directed at the organization.
    John: The reviews so far have been phenomenal: The Guardian said that, “As cinema it’s excrement,” and The New York Times called it “…one of the unwatchable movies in latest reminiscence.” And remember, this is the same week the Entourage movie came out. #THEBOYSAREBACK
    • His comment about the Adidas, which was unfortunately almost lost in the crowd’s reaction: “Who wants arch assist whenever you appear to be Louis XIV going to a rap battle?”
  • Discovering that Thailand has a weird obsession with Hitler, featuring him in chicken restaurants, laxative ads and boy bands, John suggests Rip Taylor as a better replacement — he’s also ostentatious, fun, and has a mustache, but isn’t a reviled genocidal madman.
  • On his segment, John got Helen Mirren to narrate for the CIA Torture Report Book. Afterwards, he got her to narrate a Beatrix Potter book to alleviate the disgust of torture, this is what he got:
    Mirren: “But whereas Flopsy, Mopsy and Cotton-tail have been on their method to decide blackberries, Peter was chained to a wall in farmer McGregor’s basement. He’d been badly overwhelmed, and a tray of carrots and raisins was pureed and rectally infused.”
  • During his segment on online harassment, John rickrolls the audience twice and briefly brings back the “Carlos Danger” dance after an Anthony Weiner joke.
  • The spot-on recreation of a ’90s Internet ad, replacing its characters with two men marveling at how they can use the Internet to destroy women’s lives, all with the same cheerful delivery as the original.
  • In order to celebrate the “Leap Second”, LWT employees purchased the area title “” – John points out that no one had thought to say it out loud prior to purchase.
  • The 5-year montage of all the conservatives who predicted that Obamacare would soon be repealed, ending with one still thinking about trying to repeal it.
  • During the Pride Week episode, John plays a clip from CNN where the commentators seem eminently fearful of a picture of an “ISIS flag” marching unnoticed at a parade in London, speculating about its purpose and calling in one of the network’s terrorism analysts. What nobody reporting happened to notice, however, is that it wasn’t a “very unhealthy mimicry” of the actual ISIS flag, but a parody by sexual activist and performance artist Paul Coombs, with all the writing replaced by dildos and butt-plugs. And, yes, CNN held on the graphic image for over 7 straight minutes. John delightedly mentions that, as of airtime, not only had they not apologized, but had ignored the incident completely.
  • July 4th, the annual American tradition of reminding the sky who runs shit.
  • While speaking about stadiums and discussing how they failed to stimulate the economy, he brought out a clip of an economist saying that it would be more stimulating for the economy to take the money that would be spent on the stadium and dump it out all over the city and let the populace grab it and spend it. This led him to pitch a new Reality TV show.

    John: Tune in this Sunday for Ryan Seacrest’s Billion Dollar Dump! ONLY on NBC!

    • From the same episode, Oliver talks about a group of fans who created a rap song to promote the idea of a stadium by noting that San Diego was the “second largest” city in California, as if rappers normally boasted in any of their songs about being the second best anything.

      John: Yo, I got the second-hottest car ’cause I’m the second most paid / When I go to the club, I get the second most laid! Second most! Second most! I’m up there! I’m #2, yo! #2!

  • John getting baffled by Laibach and their work.
    John: [after playing the band’s cover of “Sympathy for the Devil”] Finally, we have an answer to the question: What if Freddie Mercury was trapped in a cave, had just swallowed a frog, and was trying to sing it out?
  • The advert encouraging Canadians not to cheat on their spouses has a few gems.
    • “Moose, you retain proper on moosing. This would not concern you.”
    • Showing a bunch of idyllic locations supposedly of Ottawa, then admitting it’s actually Paris.
    • The segues into random sex acts, such as “unsolicited cunnilingus” and finger banging in the carport.
    • “So in conclusion, haven’t got intercourse with another person’s husband named Gordon. Have intercourse with yer OWN husband named Gordon.”
  • John having a bunch of children sing a modified model of the 50 States song describing how Congress is screwing over Washington, D.C.
  • Concerned that teenagers aren’t getting decent sex-ed from their own schools due to statewide abstinence-only mandates or low funding, John puts together his own star-studded instructional video.

    Laverne Cox: Here’s how you put a condom on a banana.
    Megan Mullally: Oh, this is a lot less curvy than I’m used to.
    (Nick Offermanobserve  nods on the digital camera with a “Yeah, that is proper” grin on his face)

    • Near the beginning of the segment, Oliver screens a now-famous clip from the 1974 film “Linda’s Film on Menstruation”, featuring a young Jonathan Banks as “Johnny”, Judy’s befuddled boyfriend who can’t understand how she’s suddenly doing so well at the bowling lanes; at the very end, Banks appears to bitterly remark that periods don’t actually make you any better at sports.
    • Especially funny for Gravity Falls fans – it’s impossible to hear Mabel explaining puberty and sex to you without laughing.
    • While showing several pro-abstinence videos, one example is a man showing a woman’s ragged sneakers, claiming the entire football team has been in them. While the woman defends herself saying she made them all wear socks, the man responds “socks do not shield my coronary heart.” John’s angry not because of the metaphor of shaming his wife, but because “socks do not shield my coronary heart” might be the funniest line said on the show, and the show’s team hadn’t written it.
    • John is impressed with the creativity of one teacher putting a sock on his foot to demonstrate proper condom use.

      John: That is very clever! That’s very clever. Although, although, it’s not perfect. If you can’t get a sock out of the packaging, you don’t then lose your foot for a minute and need to think of Rihanna to get it back, but-it’s back.

    • John is very confused when a senator suggests sex education should be taught at home.

      John: Here’s an exchange that has never happened: “How are you so good at intercourse?” “I used to be home-schooled.”

  • Go ahead, call 1-800-THIS-IS-LEGAL, as advertised at the end of the televangelist special. Go ahead and call it. John Oliver will eventually break down into a hilarious psychotic tirade commanding the caller to give him money.
    • For those of you too cheap to even bother calling.
    • After the initial segment, the Right Mega-Rev. Oliver reviews the many seed-faith donations sent in by his flock, including an “inexplicable” package of beef jerky, an enormous canvas bag of seeds, and a one-hundred trillion Zimbabwean dollar bill, which — as John bitterly notes — is worth only about $0.40 American.

      Reverend John Oliver: I wouldn’t bless you if you fucking sneezed.

    • One of the seed donations is simply a five-dollar bill attached to a very blunt and direct note: “Take my seed, you rat confronted bastard.”
    • Even higher, going to the web site now brings you to a brief letter detailing that they are shutting down, and why (however not earlier than saying that it wasn’t due to the legislation).
      “We’re closing as a result of a number of individuals despatched us sperm by means of the mail. And when somebody sends you jizz by means of the mail, it is time to cease no matter you are doing.”
    • In the final phase detailing precisely that, John reveals they have been despatched a four-foot-high wood phallus and the message “Rub this for the seed you search!”; after he angrily demands they “shut this shit down” and give all the cash donations to a more worthy cause, workmen take away everything save the giant dildo, which Oliver clutches tight and insists he’s keeping.
      • They also sent a shirt reading “John Oliver is a rat-faced bastard!”
      • Also they were sent 12 bobbleheads of Jonny Flynn of the Minnesota Timberwolves, “which, to be trustworthy, is eleven too many.”
    • Regarding the vials of semen received:

      “And I feel some have been pretend, however some weren’t!”

    • Those who sent a donation in the mail received a response letter which contained among other things, a paper with what claims to be the outline of John Oliver’s buttocks with the text “Sit on this and take into consideration what you’ve got finished!”, and a notice that their monetary donation will be forwarded to Doctors Without Borders.
  • John asked every single presidential candidate from both parties, “Would you assist a passage of a federal legislation or legal guidelines that prohibit discrimination primarily based on sexual orientation and gender id, particularly within the areas of employment, housing, public lodging, and entry to credit?” Only four candidates provided an answer: three of them said “Yes” and a spokesman for Rand Paul responded with, “We’ll move. Thanks.” John was, understandably, confused.
  • The end of the segment about the Refugee crisis facing Europe, where they managed to get Sammy and E.J. from Days of Our Lives to appear in-character solely for Noujain Moustaffa’s benefit, as she’d literally taught herself English by watching their show, and felt sad that EJ had been killed off.
  • During his segment on Mental Health, John Oliver points out that prisons hold more mentally ill people than state-funded psychiatric care hospitals. While that is absolutely horrifying, he quickly makes it funny.
    John: That is terrible. Finding out jails are our largest providers of mental health treatment is like finding out Lil Wayne lyrics are our greatest source of sexual education. [picture of a teenager with a Lil’ Wayne poster] No, Darren, you can’t “smack it up, flip it like a spatula”. Where did you even learn that? What does it mean? “Flip it like a spatula.” Would you like it if I did that to your mother? No, you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t, Darren. So don’t say it.
  • In order to convince North Dakota to get angry about their ridiculously under-regulated oil industry, John had an actual animated billboard put up telling them “Be Angry. (Please.)”
  • John brings Mike Myers out to help him tell Canadians not to re-elect Stephen Harper, capping off with this reference to Kanye West’s outburst during a Hurricane Katrina fundraiser (during which Myers was left next to him in Stunned Silence).
    John: Exactly, don’t [vote for him], and I’ll tell you why: Stephen Harper doesn’t care about black people! [music stops abruptly]
    Myers: Oh god… not again!
    John: Oh, sorry, my mistake. What I meant to say was ‘Stephen Harper doesn’t care about Muslim people’!
    Myers: …Totally fair! I think he made that pretty clear.
    • The “Not Making This Up” Disclaimer regarding a Canadian law that seeks to charge non-citizens (up to $5000 and/or six months imprisonment) who induce Canadians to vote or not vote for a candidate. Then the end of the skit where he and Myers happily throw Canadian $20s at the camera.
      • Which either becomes less funny or more funny when you find out that Elections Canadanote the organization responsible for running the federal election pointed out that John had actually gotten it wrong. Inducement is offering something tangible in exchange for someone voting or not voting for a certain candidate or party, a.k.a. bribery. Simply stating your opinion in an attempt to get people to vote a different way is not illegal in the slightest, so John was at no risk of breaking the law.
  • During his “Medicaid Gap” episode, he goes to talk about the Mississippi elections and how Phil Bryant repelled the Medicaid Expansion. Luckily, his opponent said that he’d expand it… problem is, his opponent is a trucker who didn’t even spend more than 100 dollars on his campaign and then forgot to mention he was running for Governor to his own mother!

    John: Holy shit! There is a difference between running a low-key campaign and not having name recognition within your own family!

    • In the same episode, when he goes on to talk about Virginia and how one person who’s a massive obstacle to Medicaid is a man whose name is Dick Black.

      John: Whose name, yes, sounds like a category heading in an adult bookstore, but believe me, he’s considerably less fun than his name suggests.

    • Also, as it turns out, Senator Dick Black shares the name with an accordionist who actually released an album called A Taste of Dick Black.
  • If Sepp Blatter got a yogurt in the FIFA office refrigerator before he got suspended, it could still be there when he returned… if not for the fact that Janice in Accounting don’t give a fuck. If the fridge had an euthanized lion, she would not give a fuck both! And let’s not discuss that disputed South China Sea territory.
  • While discussing a certain Crown Jewel that was stolen from India, which India now wants back, John gives what’s probably the real reason England is refusing to do it: they stole virtually everything they have, so that the entire British Museum is basically an active crime scene, and if they gave anything back then they’d have to give it all back, until they’re left with only a painting of Tennyson and a pair of Gary Oldman’s running shorts.
  • While talking about how bringing up the Japanese internment camps is bad form, he decides to show the scene of Hyde Park on Hudson where FDR gets a handjob from his distant cousin while in the middle of a field of flowers with soft focus cinematography. After showing it, he says, “Did I’ve to indicate you that? No. Did I wish to present you that? Absolutely I did.”
  • This speech from George Bush Sr. that John Oliver adds onto with his commentary:

    George H.W. Bush: This is crack cocaine. Seized a few days ago by drug enforcement agents in a park just across the street from the white house. It could easily have been heroin or PCP. It’s as innocent looking as candy. And now, with the help of this bag’s contents, I shall ascend into the cosmos on the wings of a dragon to a place where joy is everlasting and fear is but a memory! (snort) LET’S DO THIS THING! LET’S DO THIS THING Y’ALL!!!!!

  • The Continuity Cavalcade in the season finale: John brings out several of his past mascots, Wanda Jo and the wooden phallus from his church, the band that does his theme song, and Janice from Accounting in person. She steals his chair and his mug.
  • When talking about the Washington Redskins getting their trademarks cancelled by federal courts for offensive names, John brings up their counter-attack: pointing out all the trademarks that have been approved with even more offensive names. These names cannot be mentioned on prime time news because of how hilariously offensive they are, but HBO has no such restrictions. “I may go on, so I’ll!”

    John: Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention: if you have children in the room, they should have left before the previous thirty seconds.

  • On Mohammad Usafi, a translator who worked with US forces, getting his name changed to FNU (First Name Unknown) Mohammad on his SIV visa (that he had spent far too long trying to get):

    “Fnu is fnot a fnucking fname!”

    Season Three 

  • On his segment for abortions, John notes how there has been a 0.00073% chance of death related to an abortion, compared to a study finding the chances of a colonoscopy-related death being 0.007%.
    John: Let’s agree, by the way, all of us. Death by colonoscopy has to be one of the worst ways to die. Right after having your mother catch you masturbating, and while you’re trying to pull your pants up, you fall and hit your head. So your dad has to carry you pantsless to the car to take you to the hospital. And the girl next door you have a crush on tries to help, but she’s laughing so hard at the size of your penis, that she closes the door on your hand, startling your mother, who slams her foot on the gas, dragging you behind the car for several blocks. While your father yells “Your TV present is spinoff and you may by no means escape the shadow of Jon Stewart!”
  • When New Zealand politician Steven Joyce was hit by a dildo, he determined to Tweet John preemptively, figuring John would make a story of it anyway. John took this as a challenge and made a spectacle of it, including a choir, an image of Joyce’s head being hit by by dildos from every direction, two dildo mascots on wires, and New Zealand native Peter Jackson waving a modified New Zealand flag depicting the exact moment Joyce was hit by the dildo.
  • The “How is This Still a Thing?” piece on Hollywood whitewashing is one of the most immensely, justifiably angry segments in show history; as such, it’s also pure gold, tackling everything from white actors playing different ethnicities, to how the stories of people of color are often told with a White Male Lead as an Audience Surrogate, to why “half the nation goes apeshit” whenever a traditionally white role is differently cast.
    • The icon used to depict whitewashing at the very beginning is just Fisher Stevens as Ben Jabituya / Jahrvi in Short Circuit.
    • On Ridley Scott’s Exodus: Gods and Kings, and his comment that he needed known Caucasian actors to bankroll a big production:

      Entertainment Reporter: Director Ridley Scott told Variety Magazine he can’t mount a $140 million film “and say that my lead actor is Mohammed So-and-So from Such-and-Such. I’m simply not going to get it financed.”
      [cut to Joel Edgerton looking very silly in bronzer and a shaved head]
      Narrator: Yeah, you needed the white-hot star power of whoever the fuck this guy is.

    • On the possibility of Idris Elba being cast as James Bond:
      Narrator: Yes, if you’re black, even if you’re an actor who sometimes dresses like French Waldo, people will still say you’re “too avenue.”observe 
    • On Tom Cruise as Nathan Algren in The Last Samurai:
      Narrator: This guy is the last samurai? [shows Cruise in Cocktail] This guy? THIS guy’s the last samurai. [shows Cruise’s infamous dancing scene in Risky Business] This guy, this guy is the last samurai.observe  [beat] Fuck you.
  • After detailing Donald Trump numerous failings and basically proving that he’d be a horrible president, John calls back to a moment where he mentioned a tweet from Trump basically mocking Jon Stewart over changing his last name (while claiming that “he needs to be pleased with his heritage”), while also noting that the name “Trump” has a kind of power to it from how it sounds, which is a problem when it comes to dis-empowering that name. Then he reveals Donald’s hypocrisy over the previous tweet by noting that Donald’s German grandfather changed the family name to “Trump” from “Drumpf” (which is much less dignified to English-speakers), not only highlighting Donald’s hypocrisy, but then proceeded to run with it, encouraging his viewers to “Make Donald Drumpf Again” and troll Donald Trump by calling him by his family’s original last name.
    • While talking about Trump’s penchant for Frivolous Lawsuits, John says “‘I’ll sue you’ is Trump’s model of ‘Bazinga!’ It would not actually imply something, however he says it on a regular basis.”
  • When talking about some cheeky fellow from Egypt setting up an eBay page to sell “One slightly-used Field Marshal” (current Egyptian president El Sisi), John remarks that it’s not the stupidest thing ever sold on Ebay and puts up a picture of someone selling “Possibly the World’s Largest Raisin Bran Flakes” for over a hundred dollars while speculating on what idiot would want to buy that.

    John: And let me just say….[picks up the frame holding said flakes] That idiot is very happy with his purchase!

  • The unexpected return of the “place you consider so little” Running Gag, in the middle of a video they filmed with a bunch of California school kids for a contest.
  • After an episode about how Apple is just barely keeping ahead of all the people trying to hack into its products, we get a more honest commercial of the tech crew freaking out about a virus and trashing their office. The slogan: “Join us as we dance madly on the lip of the volcano.”
  • The alternative to Trump plan to build a wall around the Mexican border: buying waffle irons for every American citizen. It will cost less, do nearly as much to keep out immigrants and drugs, won’t harm the US relationship with a major trading partner, it’s only racist towards Belgians, “and in contrast to the wall, this makes fucking waffles!”

    John: So come on, America! Let’s ask ourselves, what kind of country do we want to wake up to? One that spends billions on an impossible, impractical symbol of fear? Or one that smells like breakfast? Exactly!”

  • The phase on fundraising culminates in John consuming out of a Long Island wine bag with congressman Steve Israel.

    John: What higher method to finish a bittersweet profession than with the bittersweet style of Norfolk chardonnay?

  • In response to New York Yankees COO Lonn Trost saying the premium seats’ consumers have been uncomfortable sitting subsequent to followers who scored tickets for a fraction of the face-value price, the present supplied Yankees tickets proper behind house plate to their viewers for $0.25 on the situation of dressing like “you have never sat in a premium location”. Winners included guys dressed as Ninja Turtles, ladies dressed as unicorns and sharks, and two guys dressed as dragons.
    • The following week’s “And Now This” is dedicated to the information experiences on the followers, ending with a somewhat poorly researched one which calls John “HBO’s Jon Stewart”. The viewers is out of the blue caught between laughing, cheering, and groaning disgustedly. (John additionally feels it is awkward, to the purpose it takes some time for him to begin the primary phase…)
  • During the phase on Lead Poisoning, John brings out some Sesame Street characters as a comply with as much as a music lesson they did about the identical situation 20 years earlier. Which amongst different issues results in this change after Oscar the Grouch complains in regards to the Strawman argument on the prices of cleansing it up:

    John: Wow, that’s an astonishing degree of financial perception coming from somebody who lives in a garbage can.
    Oscar: Hey, this will is hire managed. I’ve had it for the reason that 60s.

  • The phase on Scientific Research is crammed with Take Thats (“There is no Nobel Prize for fact checking. Incidentally, ‘There is no Nobel Prize for fact checking’ is a motivational poster in Brian Williams’ MSNBC dressing room.”). But the most effective one regards a scientist advocating hugs for oxytocin:
    John: First of all, do not name your self Dr. Love. That’s the title a tabloid provides a dentist who ejaculated on his sedated sufferers. And second, there isn’t any means I’d be happier giving eight hugs a day. I’m English! That’s 4 lifetimes’ value of hugs.
  • The phase on 911 name facilities ends with an “Honest” 911 PSA that includes Rob Riggle.
  • In the episode about doping in sports activities, an actual industrial for Subway is proven, with Michael Phelps swimming in a pool:

    Announcer: To carry out your finest, coaching’s gotta be a lifelong ardour.
    Debbie: Michael!
    Announcer: Fueled by a foot-long ardour. That’s why Debbie Phelps is at all times there for her son Michael, (Michael Phelps will get out of the pool and takes the sub that Debbie’s holding) along with his favourite taste packed, fully-jacked foot-long subs.
    John: STOP. Because first, no skilled swimmer needs a sandwich within the pool. And for the document, there may be nothing extra viscerally upsetting than a lady feeding her soaking moist, nearly-naked grownup son one thing known as a “fully-jacked foot-long”.

  • Describing the 2016 election as:
    • The Clowntown Fuck-the-World Shitshow 2016
    • America’s Fucktastic Cirque de Dismay 2016
    • America’s 3D IMAX Shit-Fit Dumpster Fire 2016
    • A Horrifying Glimpse at Satan’s Pinterest Board 2016
    • Uncle Sam’s Rock-Bottom Yankee-Doodle Suicide Pact 2016
    • Lice on Rats on a Horse Corpse on Fire 2016
    • The Holy Shit, Please Make It Stop Trash Fire Two Thousand Fuckteen
    • America’s Shit Salad Fuckstravaganza 2016
    • The Fiery Two-Party Pileup on the Hellbound Fuckspressway
    • The Shit-Filled Cornucopia That Just Keeps On Giving 2016
    • Lady Liberty Convenience Store Robbery Gone Wrong Descending right into a Hostage Situation and Now She’s Demanding a Chopper 2016
    • Oh, I Get It: We All Died, and This Is Hell, and Satan Has Cursed Us to Live Out This Nightmare for All Eternity 2016
    • The Electoral Equivalent of Seeing Someone Else Puking So You Start Puking and Then Someone Else Is Puking and Pretty Soon Everyone Is Puking 2016
    • What Did I Do to Deserve This? I Always Tried to Be a Good Person Is This Because I Stole Candy Once in 4th Grade Please Stop Punishing Us 2016
    • I Honestly Don’t Even Know If I Can Make It Another Two-and-a-Half Weeks I’ve Been Drinking a Lot and Lashing Out and Frankly My Family Is Worried 2016
    • I Don’t Even Believe in Past Lives, however I Must Have Done Something Really Fucking Terrible in a Past Life to Deserve This I’m Sorry I’m Sorry I’m Sorry 2016
    • Of Course Election Day Is on November eighth — the Last Possible Date the Election Could Fall On. This Must Be the Universe Punishing Us for All the Masturbating We’ve Done, and It Was a Lot 2016
    • I Thought I Wanted It to Be Over But Now That It’s Over I Wish It Was Still Going On Because It Turns Out the Ending Is Even Worse Twenty-Fucking-Sixteen
  • John says the sheer absurdity of the financial savings plan for the present’s staff truly made Janice in Accounting give a fuck.
    • John calls his present “Johnny O’s Sad-tastical Circus of Misery and Math”.
    • Given a financial savings plan commercial had escalating dominoes, as soon as the present does their tackle mentioned movies, the final domino by chance crushes visitor star, Kristen Chenoweth. Naturally, the phase ends with a press release that No Kristen Chenoweths Were Harmed.
  • John asserted that not even demise would cease Donald Trump from tweeting, and supplied a pattern future tweet through which Trump says he is unimpressed with God’s beard, and His incapacity to raise a rock that He himself created (a reference to the omnipotence paradox), ending with a one-word sentence: “Sad.”
  • “Fuck You, European Union”, an anti-Brexit advert produced by John which insults each nation within the EU whereas additionally asserting the significance of remaining a member. Sung by a toddler.
    • During the identical phase, when a UKIP member says the one sort of individual she would not like is “Negroes,” and he or she has no concept why, John calls it official proof that not the whole lot sounds smarter with a British accent.
  • John considers Lance Armstrong to be a Consummate Liar. Why? Because he mentioned biking was cool and “we believed him“.
    • After we’ve to observe a complete video of an Olympic athlete chaperone having to observe him pee, John pipes in with “That is the look of a man who is questioning every single decision he’s made in his life.”
  • After taking part in the clip of Khizr Khan’s speech in regards to the structure, John describes what he simply witnessed.
    John: Oh, shit! That was an American founding doc being inspirationally used as a center finger! I didn’t know that was technically potential!
  • When the American Petroleum Institute used the present’s opening fashion (font included), John produced a brand new opening primarily based on one among their earlier adverts that includes Rebecca and Andy, who use the time to insult API for its practices. They additionally point out that its brand seems to be prefer it’s being penetrated by a polar bear’s dick, full with animated graphic… which they present for an uncomfortably very long time, with each actors observing it thoughtfully.
  • The net phase on birds. “FUCK YOU, BIRDS!” Penguins get a move, although.
  • While masking Wells Fargo and their fraudulent accounts, John found an previous ethics video proven to Wells Fargo staff ten years in the past, full with low-cost prop comedy evaluating ethics violations to a rubber band that may snap again and harm you if you happen to stretched them too far. When the present’s group tracked down the person who starred within the video, they have been fairly shocked to search out he is one of many present’s personal writers, who was fairly comfortable to do a brand new video, full with evaluating their ethics violations to placing a dildo boomerang, as it will inevitably come again to “fuck them in the ass.”
  • Four Fox News reporters all cringing as Donald Trump brings up his fat-shaming feedback utterly unprompted, and simply retains happening about them.
  • In Guantanamo, one of many methods for the troopers to torture prisoners is to blast loud music at them. Unfortunately for the troopers, one of many prisoners actually favored the music (Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again”), so he sang alongside. And then John compares it to the band’s regular Intercourse with You…
  • The return of the Most Patient Man on Television.
  • John taunting Donald Trump with the Emmy Last Week Tonight received.
  • When Anthony Weiner’s scandals convey the Hillary Clinton electronic mail investigations again into the general public and thus shake the election additional, John has no alternative however to confess to the hazard. Carlos Danger.
  • In the episode about Police Accountability, John notes that one shorthand that many police departments abide by about shootings is “lawful, but awful”, including, “which, I believe, is also the legal definition of Woody Allen’s marriage.”. When the viewers groans, John asks “Who are you angry at?”.
  • In School Segregation, John exhibits an previous clip of a white feminine student going to a college principally attended by African-Americans, with the boys lewdly calling her “vanilla ice cream”. As horrible because it was, John manages to make it humorous with this:

    John: OK, that’s clearly horrible. But on a facet observe, utilizing the phrases chocolate and vanilla is definitely the absolute best argument to convey races nearer collectively as a result of what occurs whenever you mix chocolate and vanilla? I’ll let you know what occurs. Fucking Fudgey the Whale occurs! And it’s very good!”

  • On his episode about multilevel advertising:
    • After discussing how multilevel marketing companies are blatant pyramid schemes, John shows an especially damning clip of a spokeswoman for one of them at a convention, where she outright says it’s a pyramid scheme early in her spiel. John then keeps interrupting to ask her to go back to the part where she “positively mentioned pyramid scheme.”
      • That “pyramid scheme” quote comes in the context of the spokeswoman outlining a future dream scenario, which ends with this:
        “…and the girl [at the bank] is gonna say, ‘Will that be checking or financial savings?’, and also you’re gonna say, ‘Eh! I do not actually care, I get [checks from Youngevity] on a regular basis!'”
        John: And then the lady’s gonna say, “Haha, that is incredible, however I truly have to know which account this goes into”, and you’re gonna say, “Makes no distinction to me!”, and she’s gonna say, “But I am unable to deposit this until you specify which account, it is coverage!”, and you’re gonna say, “It’s all gravy!”, and she’s gonna say, “How about checking?”, and you’re gonna say, “I’m loving it!”, and she’s gonna say, “Do I have to get safety?”, and you’re gonna say, “The account ending in 8424, please.”
    • John explains that MLM companies have hierarchies of distributors, which are climbed up typically by selling product at a sufficiently fast rate; Kyani, for example, has ranks named after gemstones, with one particularly high rank being named “Double Black Diamond”, which John points out is also skiing terminology for very dangerous trails. Later, while showing MLM events in other countries, he shows an Herbalife event in Mexico where CEO Michael Johnson slings a Mexico flag around his shoulder while greeting the audience, calling it “douchebaggery at a double black diamond degree.”
    • His response to and mocking of an excerpt from an interview with Johnson in which Johnson expresses pride in working with the Latino community, more specifically stating that “the Latino—the blood, if you’ll” runs in the company and “it feels nice”:

      John: [imitation Johnson’s voice] “Oh, I really like the blood of the Latino neighborhood, I simply wanna bathe in it! I wanna bathe in your blood, Latinos! How’s this gross sales pitch going? I really feel prefer it’s going bueno![returning to his normal voice] You know what? Now might be a good time to point out that when someone says, ‘Their blood is in me and it feels great,’ that is what a fucking vampire says!

    • His brief tangent on cocaine:

      John: But second, why would anyone in the 80’s seek Herbalife to lose weight? They had cocaine! Come to think of it, we also have cocaine. The point is, cocaine is an effective weight-loss option. It’s not where I thought I was going with this, but it is where we have ended up.

    • John’s response to a Telenovela that had an Enforced Plug for a product of a multilevel marketing company, wondering about how much drama there must be in the commercials.
      John: “Aaahhh, Meester GEICO Lizard, I wish to save 15% or extra on automotive insurance, however how can I, if you find yourself sleeping with my spouse?”
    • John closes by asking the viewers to send the episode to five people, with instructions for each of them to send it to five others, just like the MLM companies do. And as it was revealed that thanks to the magic of exponential equations, such a strategy theoretically reaches every single person on earth in just fourteen cycles — “to the purpose the place we have to begin fucking to create extra individuals to observe it” — he takes the opportunity to say hi to Beyoncé.
    • The closing segment is made even more hilarious when John reveals that, since MLM companies target mainly the Latino community, he also made a version of the video with Spanish subtitles and with the closing segment being done in Spanish by Jane the Virgin‘s Jaime Camil (who was also one of the stars of the Telenovela that featured the MLM product plug), which is almost exactly the same, complete with Jaime dressed exactly like John (glasses and all) and him also saying hi to Beyoncé, except for one part: When John introduces Jaime in the original video, he commends Jaime for looking like a much better “me” (as Jaime looks like a classical Latin Lover), to which Jaime responds with a confident “Yes.” When Jaime presents John in the video with the Spanish language segment, he tells John in Spanish that, indeed, he’s a much better-looking “you”, to which John, with a confused look that seems like he didn’t understand a word of what Jaime said but does understand that it wasn’t flattering to him, blurts out a “Sí.
  • In his last pre-Election Day segment on the 2016 Presidential election, John shares an Old Shame — a clip of him on The Daily Show a few years previous, actively encouraging Donald Trump to run, because he thought it’d be hilarious.

    John: In my defense…I have no defense for that, and was hoping to think of one before finishing this sentence, which oh shit it’s over.

    • Moments later, he follows this up with another clip, of him stating that the Chicago Cubs will never win the World Series. The episode aired just days after the Cubs did just that.
  • The season finale ends with a “tribute” to 2016, which was a terrible year in general. It mostly consists of people talking about all the bad things that happened, then ends with a montage of people raising their middle fingers and shouting “Fuck you, 2016!” Well… most people.
    “Weird Al” Yankovic: 2016… Ffffffffffalls well below my standards of quality! (raises his pointer finger instead of his middle finger)
  • The “precise audio” from both Barack Obama’s meeting with Donald Trump, and Trump appearing to realize for the first time just what being the president entails: the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme song. John then states that’s the new national anthem.
  • In a segment about The Japanese Military when he mentions the Japanese individuals evaluating their Prime Minister to Hitler he says he feels unhealthy for Tojo

    Season Four 

  • The Season 4 Promo has the narrator talking about HBO’s award winning and praiseworthy show is returning, which makes John think he’s talking about his show, only for the camera to reveal the narrator was actually talking about HBO’s other hit series on Sundays (Game of Thrones), hit comedy series entering its fourth season (Silicon Valley) and hit comedy series returning from a hiatus (Curb Your Enthusiasm, which was Un-Cancelled).
  • The Bait-and-Switch where he mentions The Young Pope as the most interesting thing to happen during hiatus before getting into politics.
  • Offhandedly calling Sean Spicer “Melissa” in reference to Saturday Night Live‘s parody of Spicer.
  • “And Now, Donald Trump Cannot Shake Hands.” A montage of Donald’s awkward, yanking hand shakes, complete with Stock Sound Effects.
  • After lambasting Trump for his reliance on Fox News Channel and questionable news websites for his news, John declares that he had filmed infomercials that would air the following day on Washington D.C.’s affiliates of Fox News, MSNBC, and CNN to inform Trump about subjects like the nuclear triad, the Geneva Conventions and that there are actually other people than Trump.
  • At the beginning of the episode about Vladimir Putin, as an example of how big his memetic popularity is in Russia, they put a clip of a techno pop song made about him, “A Man Like Putin”, by Poyushchie vmeste (“Singing Together”). So, how can they convey how bad Putin is concisely and in a memorable way? By doing their own cover of “A Man Like Putin”, of course.
    • During the episode, it was also noted that some opponents of Putin had some bizarre and allegedly coincidental things happen to them, such as people defecating on the hood of their cars. So, partway through the song, John has to run onstage to interrupt the song so he can beg Putin to not have anyone shit on his car. Then the song resumes.
      Performers: And critics like Oliver better run far / Better run far / Because he’ll track you down / And he’ll shit on your car!
      John: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! No, no, no! Do not shit on my car! That is weird! It’s so weird, i-if anything, it might be the weirdest part of this whole story! Please, don’t shit on my car! Don’t-please, don’t do it! (to performers) I’m sorry, you-you were telling the President about Putin, go. (John leaves the stage and the song starts back up)
    • The number was put together because, as John puts it, the catheater cowboy from the mock infomercials mentioned above can’t explain the whole situation in 30 seconds.
  • The entire debacle with the Trump administration’s numerous contacts with Russia is dubbed “Stupid Watergate,” with them trying to make a similar labyrinthine conspiracy while no one has any idea what they’re doing. John specifically points out Paul Ryan visibly suppressing a laugh during Trump’s promise that he’ll be getting down to business now.
  • John Oliver tackles the situation of the Dalai Lama and China. Naturally, like Snowden, he visits him as well. Highlights of the meeting include:
    • How he convinced Mongolia to stop drinking vodka… in exchange for horse milk. Understandably, John is rather baffled at his claim, along with how one even obtains horse milk.
      Dalai Lama: Drink much less vodka-
      John Oliver: Yeah, they love to hear that.
      Dalai Lama: -Yeah instead of that with a, uh, traditional sort of drink. Horse milk.
      John: …Wait, hold on.
      Dalai Lama: Horse milk.
    • How the Dalai Lama embraces the fact that he’s called a demon by China. And on that note – and again, similar to his interview with Snowden – John was subject to an Oh, Crap! moment when the Dalai Lama takes his willingness to criticize China to say that John should become a demon too.

      John: No no no, you can’t transfer- you can’t reincarnate the demon into me.
      Dalai Lama: Yes, yes.
      John: No no no no! Don’t make me a demon. No no, you can’t do tha- will you cu- you cannot do that. Can he do that? Oh no… this is not how I wanted this interview to go.

    • Before that, he makes fun of “essentially the most British man who has ever lived”: a man narrating a 1959 newsreel about the Dalai Lama’s exile with a very posh British accent.

    Narrator: One clear fact. Red tyranny is not wanted by these intensely religious people.

  • On the subject of the March 2017 CIA leaks:
    • Regarding the reports that the CIA explored the possibility of hijacking cars’ softwares:
      News reporter: This could do a whole lot of things, from playing the music to playing control of the car entirely and crashing it if you want to assassinate somebody.
      John: Well, that escalated quickly! First I’ll make them listen to Coldplay, then it’s murder.
    • When talking about the reports of a malware supposedly able to use Samsung smart televisions as listening devices, John first takes note of a news reporter’s really sassy way of breaking the news.

      News reporter: If you got a Samsung TV, it’s like: “You suppose you are watching TV? Oh honey, that factor is watching you!
      John: Okay, first: She should deliver all of the news. “19 useless in a blazing residence fireplace? All of them kids, girl-frrriend!”

    • After pointing out that the documents themselves note that the supposed malware only worked on TVs made from 2012 and 2013, and that it had to be installed with an USB, John points out that on top of that, it also works on Cut the Juice rules.

      John: …experts still advise there’s still actually a potential way to circumvent it; it’s a little complicated, so I’ll walk you through it: Step 1: Unplug the TV; and… that is it, end of steps, you’re off the grid.

  • In the wake of the controversy caused to Samsung due to the CIA leaks (on top of their spectacularly bad few months of their smartphones catching fire and their washing machines exploding) they release a commercial that has the announcer panicking as every single product bursts into flames.

    Announcer: The one promise we can absolutely make you is that none of out products will explode any more. [smartphone explodes] Shit! Oh-kay, maybe the phones, I guess, but definitely not the— [laptop explodes] Aaaah shit! No! No! Put the vacuum up! Put the— [vacuum is on fire] Oh my God! Oh my God, it’s on fire! The vacuum’s on fire! How is it still moving?! [smart TV is completely engulfed in flames] What! Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck! Is the watch OK? Tell me the watch is OK; you fucking tell me the watch is OK! [watch explodes] No! Oh God! Fuck me! The point is: Our dryers, they are fine. [dryer expels fire] Oh fuck you! Samsung! Hey, at least our logo works, right? [the logo explodes] Oh come on!

  • While discussing the current laws on marijuana use, John repeatedly screws with any stoners named Greg who happen to be watching, claiming he’s talking directly to them and can even read their minds.
  • When talking about scandals from both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, he notes that the Clinton Foundation is the only charity that inspires more visceral anger than Kars 4 Kids.


  • After Sean Spicer’s comments saying that Adolf Hitler didn’t use chemical weapons, John takes issue of Spicer’s use of the term “Holocaust Center”, saying that it sounds like the name for a hockey arena for the alt-right. We then see the entrance for the hypothetical arena, complete with having Pepe the Frog as a mascot.
  • John poked fun at the fact that Donald Trump remembered to slip what was basically a commercial for Mar-a-Lago’s chocolate cake that he was having for dessert (“essentially the most stunning piece of chocolate cake that you have ever seen”) into his recollection of the night he fired Tomahawk missiles into Syria, but couldn’t keep track of what country he was raiding.

    Donald Trump: So what happens is, I said, “We’ve simply launched 59… missiles… heading to Iraq—”
    Interviewer: But you— Heading to Syria.
    Trump: Yes, heading for… Syria.
    John: I honestly wish she just kept naming places to see if he kept agreeing with her. “Heading to Egypt?” “Yes, heading to Egypt.” “Heading to Dollywood?” “Yes, heading to Dollywood.” “Heading straight to us?” “Yes, heading straight to us, proper now.”

  • John notes that after Trump said that North Korea could be easily taken care of by China, he later changed his mind “after listening for 10 minutes” to the President of China Xi Jingping, as “[he] realized that it isn’t really easy.” This leaves John speechless, as he wants to know how the President of China managed to explain something that complicated in just 10 minutes, “as a result of if this present did a phase on grapes, we might want 20 minutes and an look from a marching band.”
  • Regarding the April 2017 Afghanistan airstrike that used the “Mother of All Bombs,” John wants to appreciate one thing first:
    John: Okay, now there’s obviously a lot to unpack there, but let’s just take a minute and appreciate the fact that we finally reached a point where mothers can be bombs. #MOMBOMBS #FEMINISM
  • On the 2017 French presidential election:
    • After showing several commentators saying that the election could define “the destiny of Europe,” John notes that the fate of Europe is in the hands of “a rustic that appears at snails and says, ‘I’ve acquired to get you in my mouth.'”
    • In response to several commentators saying that depending on the election, France could also leave the European Union, and that in turn could be the end of the union itself, John calls it “essentially the most disastrous French exit in historical past, and that’s acknowledging {that a} French exit usually refers to consuming a complete bottle of pink wine after which leaving a celebration with the host’s spouse.”
    • After a description of French’s election system (in two rounds, the first with all candidates, the second one with the two who got the most votes in the first):note Unless one got more than 50% in the first round, in which case they’re immediately elected President.
    • John’s run-down of the candidates is a doozy:
    • After all that, and with polls suggesting that one-third of French voters might abstain from the election, how does John appeal to French voters? By appealing to their “Frenchness” turning his set into a scene out of a French film, complete with moody black-and-white, an accordionist, smoking cigarettes, and speaking entirely in French. He even goes as far as to talk about Larry Skywalker and that weird bear too. The episode even ends with Gratuitous French credits (complete with “FIN”) and the show’s theme song in an accordion!
  • In the episode about Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, it’s noted that Kushner barely talks, and that the most recent clip they got of him talking is from a 2009… except that when they play the clip in question, Gilbert Gottfried is dubbed over him. Bonus for John’s Implausible Deniability (“‘Wait, you simply recorded Gilbert Gottfried over him!’ Well, you possibly can by no means know!”).
  • In the episode aired after the announcement that Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough were engaged, the show played an “And Now, This” segment titled “A Look Back on the Romance Between Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski”, which shows old clips of them arguing, well, Like an Old Married Couple. It eventually ends with a “Congratulations?“.
  • When discussing Net Neutrality for a second time:
  • In the video response to the reaction to the second video about net neutrality:
  • In the episode about Donald Trump withdrawing the United States from the Paris Agreement:
  • On the Brexit negotiations following the 2017 United Kingdom general election:
    • Everything involving Lord Buckethead, a joke candidate in the UK snap election who looks like “Darth Vader fucked an Amazon Echo,” who was nevertheless legally required to be presented just as seriously as the others. Not to be left out, John had Lord Buckethead flown to New York so he could demand the UK appoint him as a Brexit negotiator.
    • When describing the difficulties of negotiating Brexit, John compares it to if Florida wanted to secede from the US (which he says would be a great idea), citing all the numerous problems that would come from it — patrolling the border, taxing goods coming out of Florida, and who would get custody of Hulk Hogan.
    • John shows a clip of an interview where Theresa May was asked what was the naughtiest thing she’d done, answering “working by means of fields of wheat”, prompting him to dub her “Thatcher [[The Catcher in the Rye in the rye”.
  • Regarding the mistrial of Bill Cosby’s sexual abuse trial, John can’t help but point out how, when exiting the courtroom, Cosby shouted “Hey hey hey!”, his Catchphrase as Fat Albert.
    John: What are you doing? Shouting your character’s catch-phrase while you’re on trial is a bizarre choice. If Renée Zellweger was on trial for triple murder, it would be strange for her to shout, “You had me at ‘hello’!” “No Renée, we had you when the blood in the trunk turned out to be a DNA match; you’re going to jail for a long time.”
  • With the news that literally every single one of the 50 states has polled negatively about the Republican health care plan, John marvels at how hard it is to get them all to agree on anything. After all, there’s even one state that won’t admit that Delaware sucks… Minnesota, because they’re just too polite.
  • In his segment about coal, he finds that people returned bonus checks to Bob Murray, CEO of the Murray Energy Corporation, voiding it and writing “Kiss my ass, Bob” and “Eat shit, Bob”. At the end of the segment, Mr. Nutterbutter wants to give a check to Bob, and it’s made out to “Eat shit, Bob!” with the memo being “Kiss My Ass!”
    • John also describes Bob Murray’s work against mine safety as “like watching My Girl and rooting for the bees!”
  • In the segment about vaccines:
    • When discussing about how vaccination skepticism has led to parents doing potentially dangerous thing to their children, it is included a TV news report titled “Swapping Spit & Passing Pus.” However, on the title graphic, the word “pus” was spelled with two S’s. John says that “swapping spit and passing puss sounds like the sex talk that Kid Rock would give his teenage son.”
    • John lambasted Representative Dan Burton (R-IN) for Shifting the Burden of Proof in regards of vaccination thus.
      John: Proving a negative is an impossible standard. And that is also a slippery slope, because that means that I can say to you, “You, Dan Burton, are a donkey fucker. You dress up donkeys in cheerleader outfits, and you fuck them. It’s what you’re into, and you do it all the time.” And you will say to me, “Well wait, there is absolutely no evidence of me doing that”, but I would say “Turn that around – there is no evidence of you not doing that, either.”
  • On the segment about the Sinclair Broadcast Group:
    • John talks about how local news tend to find ways to grab people’s attention, showing as an example a correspondent reporting about a mugging by recreating it, including pointing a gun to the camera. John admits that it’s a great way to get people’s attention, and then proceeds to also grab a gun and point it to the camera too.

      John: Our main story tonight concerns the potential problems in corporate consolidation of local news, don’t you dare change the channel!

    • John shows one local news commentator, Mark Hyman, doing an editorial about “snowflakes” and “social justice warriors”. John says that he presumes that it’s one of a series featuring titles like “Wake Up, Libtard”, “Cucked Much, You Little Beta Baby?”, and “Knock Knock Sheeple, It’s Me: Truth.”
    • John compares Hyman’s boss, Sinclair Broadcast Group, “something you only just heard off,” being “the most influential media company that you’ve never heard of”note  with if ExxonMobil got brought by “that little twerp who plays the new Spider-Man.”

      John: “What? How is that possible? How does Spider-Twerp have the resources to do that? I only just found out that he existed!”

    • After John notes that the potential total average households of Sinclair after buying Tribune Media would be higher than any prime time show on Fox News, he refers said shows as “Five Idiots Have the Most Intolerable Dinner Party Ever” (The Five) and “That Guy from College Everyone Hated Has a Talk Show Now” (Tucker Carlson Tonight).
    • John plays some more clips of Mark Hyman’s commentary. With comments like “There is one step that’s proven to dramatically reduce domestic violence: Marriage” and “On the opinion that only black people can legitimately have an afro, someone should tell that to American folksinger Art Garfunkel”, the comedy writes itself.
    • John notes how the stations of one of Sinclair’s subsidiaries, Circa, all reported the Michael Flynn investigation as supposedly being a vendetta from the FBI in the exact same manner, one of them ending it with “it could very well be true”. John takes issue of this:
    • John notes how the gist of the problem is the real power that is having trusted local newscasters spreading propaganda by saying that if they “used the words ‘Daniel Stern’ and ‘explosive ejaculation’ in the same sentence, you could never watch Home Alone the same way again.”
    • John’s take on an ad run on a Sinclair station that blamed the Democrats for giving the country slavery, the KKK, and Jim Crow laws:
      John: “Democrats gave this country slavery” is a little more complicated than that. Sure, someone gave me this haircut [shows a picture of him from early Daily Show days], however I’m accountable for being snug with it, liking it, and preserving it round for a morally repugnant period of time.
    • John notes that Sinclair stations’ ballot questions are additionally main: In a query about why cable information channels are airing a lot protection of the Trump/Russia story, the primary two reply choices are “Bias in opposition to the President” and “Higher Ratings”, while the third one is “It’s a extremely essential story.”

      John: Okay, there is a clear slant in those questions and answers. I can’t wait for the inevitable poll, “How would you describe the way in which Donald Trump seems to be in athletic put on? A) Adonis-like B) Herculean C) Striking for a person of his age D) Not my factor, however I’d nonetheless hit it.”

    • All this eventually leads to the “Terrorism Alert Desk”, a segment that reports on terrorism on Sinclair stations every day. John notes that reporting on terrorism every day leads to sometimes reporting only fluff pieces like the ringleader of the London Bridge Attack having applied for a security job at Wimbledon (and the application in question wasn’t even a job interview; he just filled out an online application) or an ISIS flag being hung on New Hampshire.

      Newscaster: … from the Terrorism Alert Desk in Washington, I’m Lindsey Mastis.
      John: “In different alerts, my grandma heard a loud noise, a person with a beard requested me when the subsequent bus is coming, and Iran nonetheless exists. From the Terrorism Alert Desk in Washington, I’m nearly finished with this shit.”

    • The bit about the Terrorism Alert Desk goes even further when it’s shown that it also covered a report about burkinis in France. Nothing about terrorism, just burkinis.
    • As a Brick Joke about how John previously in the video referred to Boris Epshteyn, a former Trump aide turned political pundit for Sinclair, as “a rejected additional from The Sopranos in a JC Penney’s tie whose voice seems like Sylvester Stallone with a mouth stuffed with beans”, the segment ends with a video directed to Tribune viewers regarding the impending takeover by Sinclair presented by The Sopranos‘ Steve Schrripa, warning them that he might not be the last guy in an accent and a cheap tie that they might see on their channel.
  • Just the entirety about the Wax Presidents:
    • When John reports about how a wax museum of Presidents that was closing down put their wax mannequins up for auction, he notes that there were some notable buyers, such as Rachel Maddow, who bought the replica of Dwight D. Eisenhower.
      John: [after showing a clip of Maddow adorkably celebrating that she bought Eisenhower’s replica] Is he though? Because to me it looks like you may just bought a wax sculpture of Bill O’Reilly covering his erection with a magazine.
    • John then shows that Stephen Colbert also bought one; in his case, of Zachary Taylor.

      John: Well congratulations, Stephen! Although it is worth pointing out that Zachary Taylor died of a stomach bug sixteen months into office, so he’s really less of a President and more a guy named Zach who shit his brains out in the West Wing men’s room.

    • John pointing out that Colbert originally wanted the statue of Martin Van Buren, but unknowingly, and hilariously, that one was perched by none other than Jon Stewart.
    • Which eventually leads to this:
      John: I know what you’re thinking: Spending good money on a poorly-made wax figure of a former President sounds pretty stupid, right? Yeah, you’re right, you’re absolutely right, and that is why I am proud to say that we didn’t go down there and buy one of them. [beat] We bought five of them. [audience goes bananas] Why five? Because we are five times stupider than any other TV show, that’s fucking why!
    • John not only bought five wax replicas of former presidents, he decided that, since Warren Harding’s life was so interesting, a movie should’ve been made about it. But the problem is, “it must be somebody with means an excessive amount of time on their palms, means too many sources, and unfettered entry to a life-size wax reproduction of Warren G. Harding”… Cue trailer with the wax President Harding starring in a “severe” biopic alongside Campbell Scott, Anna Kendrick, Michael McKean, James Cromwell, and Laura Fucking Linney. Afterwards, John also reminds us they still have four other wax figures of presidents to play around with.
  • With Stephen Miller possibly becoming the next White House communications director, John prepares a fresh new Running Gag of how much he looks like a Minion from every single angle and emotion.
  • John somehow managed to get some jokes out of such a grim subject as were the Charlottesville protests:
    • John can’t help but note that the white nationalists carried Tiki torches.

      John: Because nothing says “white nationalists” quite like faux Polynesian kitsch.

    • John notes the really odd position created by Donald Trump not mentioning the neo-Nazis in his initial response.
      John: There honestly aren’t many instances in modern American politics where you can honestly think, “That man actually ought to have talked about the Nazis,” but this is emphatically one of them! It’s like a reverse Godwin’s Law: If you fail to mention Nazism, you lose the argument.
    • When Trump says that “it is being happening for a very long time; no Donald Trump, no Barack Obama,” John says that:

      John: It seems that Trump’s first response to anything bad happening is always to immediately absolve himself of any personal responsibility. He’s the kind of guy who starts eulogies at funerals saying, “Great man, I did not kill him, however he is an amazing man, and he is useless, and I did not do it.”

    • John summing up Trump’s reaction when, while Trump was leaving the podium after his speech, a reporter asked him about the white nationalists, and Trump came back… to sign a bill he was there to sign to begin with.

      John: He had one last shot before the buzzer on the racism clock hit zero, and he threw an air ball so far away it landed in the Third Reich.

    • Then there was John’s reaction when, after signing the bill, Trump was asked again about it, and he just left.
      John: If you asked me “Have you ever been aroused by the fairies in Zelda: The Ocarina of Time?”, and I responded by slowly and silently walking away from you, you would know exactly what I was saying.
  • On the crisis with North Korea:
    • John begins describing North Korea as “America’s primary excuse for pushing aside chores this week.”

      John: “Y’know, I may do laundry, but when the world is about to erupt into nuclear conflict, what actually is the purpose?”

    • When it’s noted that the crisis also included Twitter exchanges, John had this to say:

      John: When Twitter was invented, I bet even they didn’t imagine that it would one day lead us to the brink of nuclear Armageddon. It’s like if the invention of the Furby had led to the Sudanese Civil War. Who knew that that’s where it was headed?

    • Then it’s noted that North Korea missiles’ reach extended to New York…

      John: Wait! New York? I live in New York! This shit just got real! Now, I think if everyone is really honest, your level of fear over the North Korea situation is in direct proportion to whether or not they can hit the exact place where you live. We film this show on 57th Street. If you told me that the blast radius stops at 56th Street, I’d think, “Well, I hope that nothing occurs, however we have nonetheless acquired time earlier than issues get severe.”

    • John notes that most experts believe that, despite the threats, North Korea doesn’t yet have the technology to reliably hit the U.S. mainland in 2017, but that the Pentagon suggests that they could cross the threshold in 2018. John says that this means that, if a job reviewer asks, “Where do you see your self in 5 years’ time?”, “it’s now completely acceptable to scream in terror into their face.”
    • All this of course leads to Donald Trump’s “Fire and fury” response to the threats, to which John says that they only way to make that not sound terrifying is to report it the one way a newspaper in Maine, as “Fire and Furry.”
    • John does a Call-Back to when the show showed Western journalists on a tour in North Korea, in which a North Korean tour guide responded to the journalist’s question about a suspiciously impressive state propaganda claim that Kim Jong‑il once shot three bullets and all three hit bullseye when he was 7-years-old with a “Mm-hmm”, to which John can’t help but laugh at.

      John: That is the “mm-hmm” of someone who really wants to shut down a conversation. She sounds like a parent fielding questions about where babies come from: “So, a stork brings the child?” “Mm-hmm.” “It carries an eight-pound child by means of the air with its mouth?” “Mm-hmm.” “Isn’t that harmful” “Mm-hmm.” “Where does the stork get the infants?” “Storks fuck! They fuck one another! Storks fuck one another, and the child comes out of the stork’s vagina! Don’t ask for the reality if you cannot deal with it!”

    • It doesn’t take long before John comes across Pulgasari, the “North Korean Godzilla” itself, and shows his favorite scene: A couple of evil-looking guys are about to decapitate a woman with a sword, when a baby monster jumps out and takes a bite out of the sword.

      John: You know why I love that? It’s relatable. No matter where you’re from, or what your religious or political beliefs are, at some point, everybody has been about to decapitate someone and then out of nowhere a baby monster jumps up and takes a bite out of your sword. It works… because it resonates.

    • John notes how said film was created by kidnapped South Korean film makers. While he does find that abhorrent, he also has an unpopular opinion about it:

      John: If that’s what it took to get that film made, it was fucking worth it.

    • John notes that experts believe that Kim Jong-un’s actions have been motivated by seeing other totalitarian leaders like Saddam Hussein and Muammar Gaddafi scale back their nuclear programs only to be overthrown and die gruesome deaths. John agrees, saying that dictators generally don’t end their careers like disgraced American politicians with a stint on Dancing with the Stars, although he says that that would’ve been an incredible season.

      John: [imitating your average DWTS judge] Saddam, that foxtrot was a weapon of mass seduction! And Muammar, you worked hard… and it showed!

    • John notes how North Korea’s military and nuclear programs stand out even more when considering that the impoverished country’s economy is estimated to be smaller than Birmingham, Alabama, and Birmingham’s “most notable export is American Idol season 5 winner Taylor Hicks.” Not that John thinks that’s a bad thing.
      John: Not that I’m saying that’s a bad thing. Soul Patrol forever! Soul Patrol ’till I fucking die!
    • John notes that North Koreans’ indoctrination in anti-Americanism starts extremely young, putting as an example a defector that remembers that in her math book, there were questions like, “There are 4 American bastards, you kill two of them. Then what number of American bastards are there left to kill?” John oddly empathizes with her.
      John: As a British child, out math questions were, [puts on the most nasal, stuffy British accent possible] “If Johnny has two artifacts and Dinesh has two artifacts, then what number of artifacts is Johnny about to have? The reply, in fact, ‘All the artifacts.’ Dinesh’s household can come go to them within the British museum, each time they’re on the town.”
    • John shows a video produced by North Korea depicting the destruction of New York “set to the least applicable music conceivable”: An instrumental version of “We Are the World.”
      John: The last time I saw a karaoke song with background imagery that inappropriate was… every time I ever sung karaoke. [shows a picture of a man holding a microphone looking uncomfortable next to a picture of two babies in a field of sunflowers] I don’t know that LL Cool J’s “Doin’ It” has to do with these two babies in a field of sunflowers, but it’s making everybody uncomfortable.
    • After showing that American TV shows are being smuggled into North Korea with NCIS being especially popular, John notes that we finally have the answer to the decade-long question: “Who the fuck is watching NCIS?”

      John: It turns out, it’s all your mom’s friends, and the people of North Korea.

    • John then goes on to Trump’s suggestions on how to deal with the crisis, such as China’s help.
      Trump: Chi-i-na… is helping us, possibly or probably, with the North Korean situation, okay? Which is a great thing, great thing.
      John: So, in the space of 14 seconds there, he said the word “nice” twice, he pronounced “Chi-i-na” with three syllables, suggested someone else should do the work for him, and then threw in a “probably or most likely,” rendering the whole thing meaningless. I think I may have just hit Trump bingo, and the prize that I won is to go drown in a river.
    • John then shows a clip of Fareed Zakaria discussing the reasons China may have to be wary of the collapse of North Korea, ending with “…and by the way in which, 15 nuclear weapons.”

      John: You know that there are a lot of problems when you end up saying, “Oh, and by the way in which, 15 nuclear weapons.” Imagine if you were a babysitter and you heard, “Okay, you’ve got acquired his EpiPen, about his nut allergy, he wants his inhaler each hour, oh, and by the way in which, he has 15 nuclear weapons.”

    • John takes a moment to comment on the possibility of taking out only Kim Jong-un, noting that would only get an immediate humanitarian crisis and a leaderless country with a power vacuum, and as learned in Iraq and Afghanistan, when regimes fall and there’s no plan in place, that vacuum can be filled with terrible things.
      John: We do not want to find out what North Korea’s ISIS would be. Even just the phrase “North Korea’s ISIS” is absolutely terrifying. It’s like saying, “9/11’s Bill Cosby.” [loud gasp from the audience] What would that even be?! I hope we never have to find out.
    • Then going back to Trump’s “Fire and fury” comment, it’s then revealed that Trump ad-libbed it.
      John: Oh for fuck’s sake! That is just not a good idea. As I’m sure someone has had to say to Wayne Brady at a funeral more than one, “Now just isn’t the nice time to improvise.” Here’s a one-word suggestion, Wayne: Mourn, mourn like a person!
    • John decides to answer to North Korea’s response to the “fireplace and fury” line, in which they said that “the Commander-in-Chief stays caught at a golf course.”

      John: Hey, hey, hey! Okay, just to be clear, the President is not stuck at a golf course. Unless the cart ran out of gas and he has to walk, in which case, yes, the President is very much stuck at a golf course, and may need to be airlifted out.

    • “Weird Al” Yankovic shows up to play an accordion song called, “Please Don’t Nuke Us, North Korea.” His arguments against it include mentioning that the US isn’t made up of evil people, just “a goofy bunch of fidget-spinning dorks who most likely could not discover their nation on a map”, and the implores them to spare the US’s celebrities.
      “Weird Al”: ♪ Would you think this through for a moment, please? / Now why would you bomb L.A. celebrities? / Why in the world would you kill Tom Hanks? / Cause nobody doesn’t like Tom Hanks! ♪ [banner revealing Tom Hanks’s face appears]
  • John discusses how most Republicans are seemingly unable to mention Trump by name while condemning the Charlottesville Neo-Nazis.
    John: You can mention him! He is not Voldemort! He’s just a terrifying entity who viciously attacks his enemies and judges people based on their birthright — d’you know what, I do hear it now. I hear it now. I take that back.
  • After a two week hiatus, John says that they have a lot to catch up, from the continuing tensions with North Korea, to Equifax’s massive data breach, to “me personally falling off the Taylor Swift practice.”

    John: Look what you made me do, Taylor!

  • When Trump says during a speech that his daughter Ivanka asked him to come with him and called him “Daddy”:
    John: His 35-year-old daughter calls him “Daddy” and he likes it. That is one of those facts that on some level I already knew, I just never wanted to have confirmed. It’s like when someone Airbnb’s your place they literally ejaculate on everything, or if I was there for the Manson murders, [sheepishly] I probably would’ve stabbed someone. I’m not good with peer pressure, it would have been so weird if I was the only one not stabbing, I’d have probably had a quick stab.
  • After Trump surprisingly sided with the Democrats in regards of a debt ceiling deal, John notes that a Republican aide told the press regarding Trump’s reasons for it “Maybe it is in regards to the wall, I do not know, none of it makes any sense.” John says that phrase really should have been the slogan of Trump’s presidential campaign.
  • Saying that Steven Mnuchin looked like if income inequality dressed up as John Oliver for Halloween.
  • John building a giant, “irresponsibly big” train set for a small town’s news outlet that had built one to put in the background for their weather forecaster is amusing. That same town taking that massive train set that John donated to them and thanking him by putting a mock-up of John’s face over one of that train’s tunnels is priceless.

    John: Well played, Scranton. Well played. There is simply no more passive-aggressive way to thank someone for a gift than by driving a train directly into their face.

  • On the episode about corporate consolidation:
    • John notes that small business are the rare thing that politicians across the political spectrum agree on, alongside supporting the troops and that “Ted Cruz can go fuck himself.”
    • John points out how dangerous it is to push buttons on TV that make noises like Jim Cramer does, as anyone can put any sound they want over it. He then plays a fart noise over the clip, and we cut back to him holding the Emmy he just won.
    • When John is listing the number of the sectors of the economy that had been consolidated:
      John: …and online search engines are, of course, as we all know, dominated by one mayor player. That’s right, say it with me: Bing. That’s right, Bing: The best way to Google something.
    • John notes that corporate consolidation also affects the show itself, as HBO’s parent company, Time Warner, is looking to merge with AT&T. So, of course, John goes on to mock AT&T:

      John: …which makes this story a little dangerous for us to do. Although, you know, that is presuming that AT&T executives manage to get their shitty service working long enough to see it. AT&T: It’s the top telecom company around alphabetically, and nothing else.

  • On the episode centered about forensic science:
    • Like most episodes, John begins the episode talking about Donald Trump. Unlike most episodes, however, John this time decides to celebrate catching Trump in a blatant lie by pushing a Big Red Button that triggers a huge celebration with performers, confetti, music, and a mascot in a tiger suit. However, John has to rush in and shut it all down, reluctantly admitting that this doesn’t actually remove Trump from the presidency, so there’s nothing to celebrate, causing everyone to walk off in disgust.
    • Later, John tries to push the button again after catching Trump in another lie, only for the tiger mascot to stomp over and grab the button, walking off with it. John admits that’s fair.
    • In the same episode, John announces his new gameshow: “Can You Tell Whose Blood is Whose in a Pool of Blood?”

      John: It premiers on Tuesday night, and amazingly, it’s already been cancelled.

    • John, once again, swearing that there’s only one Olsen twin.

      John: I don’t know how this information helps prove my point, but once it does, IT’S OVER, YOU FRAUDS! YOU FRAUDS!

  • When doing a mention about the recovery from Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico, John notes Trump’s odd way to pronounce it as “Pu-EEEH-to Rico”

    John: Nobody loves anything and still says its name like that. If I ask you if you feel like Italian and you say “Let us order some spagh-EEEH-tti, I really like spagh-EEEH-tti!”, they you don’t love spaghetti, you hate Italians, and we’re not having dinner together.

  • Of course the British John had something to say about Theresa May’s “Nightmare” speech:

    John: That is not a good sign. Literally, that literally wasn’t a good sign. [points at the sign placed behind May that kept falling apart one letter at a time] Not everything I say has to be a joke! I’m allowed to just say true things sometimes!

  • John speaks about the Harvey Weinstein sexual harassment scandal, including a quite Squicky story from a local news reporter.Details (NSFW) According to her, Weinstein trapped her in the hallway of a restaurant, tried to kiss her, and when she refused, he exposed himself and masturbated until ejaculating into a potted plant John’s response to said account?
  • When John mentions the claim that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called Trump a “moron,” he references a “suicide pact” Tillerson allegedly made with Secretary of Defense James Matthis and Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin that, if one of them was fired by Trump, the other two would resign:
    John: That’s right, apparently these three cabinet members have a pact to quit if one of them is fired, which makes sense, except: Mnuchin? The sexy? Yeah the guy’s a perfect ten, we all agree on that,note Keep in mind that it tends to be said that Mnuchin bears a resemblance to John but Mnuchin threatening to resign is a bit like a bee threatening to fly out of a car: Okay, fucking go then!
  • John is clearly worried about Trump’s comments during a reunion with military leaders that it is “the calm earlier than the storm.”
    John: What are you talking about?! For a start, no moment in the preceding nine months has been even remotely calm. It’s like we’re two hours into a Slipknot concert and they said, “Enough ballads, now we’re gonna play one which rocks!”
  • In the episode about the Confederacy:
    • At one point John shows an ad for Dolly Patton’s Dixie Stampede (basically Medieval Times but with the Civil War), and riffs on the part boasting about unlimited beverages:
      John: Yes. That is a Confederate soldier serving a small child all the Pepsi she likes. Which is still, remarkably, only Pepsi’s second worst ad campaign. [referring to their infamous Kendall Jenner ad]
    • John plays two clips of Finding Your Roots:

      John: As a general rule, just try not to live a life that could lead a descendant of yours to one day say, “A man smashed grandpappy’s head with a backyard hoe? That’s wonderful! Great job that man!”

      • In the second clip, Larry David finds out not only does he have ancestors who fought for the South during the Civil War, but also owned slaves. Oliver’s reaction to David’s strained reaction is classic.
    • After explaining all the problems with having monuments to Confederate leaders, John suggests some replacements. After two normal suggestions (monuments to African-Americans who achieved accomplishments), he offers Florida a statue of a bird-flipping alligator named Herman. Last on the list is North Carolina, who gets Stephen Colbert. As in, literally Stephen Colbert on a pedestal spouting facts about local history. Then Colbert notes he can’t be there all the time, as his show need to be filmed five days a week, which John cannot believe he can keep up with. Then Colbert mentions that the town was the site of the first naval defeat of the British, just to annoy John.
  • Pointing out how much Equifax has learned on how to deal with phishing websites in light of one popping up after the data breach, John points to, a website the show itself bought and put up to show that Equifax has still failed, which reads “How are we nonetheless ready to do that? Why have not you discovered something?”, rubbing in the company’s face its continued failure in handling what happened.
    • John is baffled how hundreds of credit reports were sent to the same address.
      John: What exactly did you think had happened there? That every single Fraggle checked their credit at once. Down at Fraggle Rock. [Claps twice] Down at Fraggle Rock! [Audience claps twice] Now-Very nice!
  • After revealing Australian politicians are protesting against Macklemore singing “Same Love” within the AFL Final, John exhibits mentioned occasion has a foul custom on musical live shows, with a horrible Meat Loaf live performance (and to apologize to Australians, the “And Now This” exhibits this).
  • On his episode about flooding:
    • John mentions that flooding is likely to get worse due to climate change, and then remarks on the debate surrounding it:

      John: I know there are people who will dispute that, and we just don’t have time tonight to litigate whether extreme weather events are exacerbated by climate change, so for now, let’s just say-
      Giant Bold Red Letters: THEY ARE.

    • John compares buying housing in a flood zone to other bad ideas, like giving Tostitos to a seagull, stating that it will only to lead to Tostito-addicted seagulls following you around. Cue a puppet seagull swooping in to bother him until he chases it away. It comes back two more times, though the last time it suddenly starts speaking, and states that it would actually like to comment on the segment, giving a moving speech about how homes are more about the people you’re with than where you live. Then it asks for Tostitos.
  • On the episode about Economic Development Incentives
    • Just as John starts mentioning about how he knows that it is a topic that isn’t interesting, the “viewer” activates picture-in-picture to put John in the corner while they watch the Entourage movie. John then convinces them to hear the movie’s first line and see which is the better option.
      Johnny “Drama” Chase: [arriving to a yacht full of beautiful women] I may have to jerk it before we even get there!
      [the “viewer” immediately goes back to John]
    • The Running Gag of John tuning Trump’s erection to the sound of a slide whistle.
    • John says that no one should get an incentive for moving to Fargo; they should get a psyche exam and be asked to answer one question.

      Who did you kill? No, seriously, who did you kill? We’ll still let you live here, but we do need to know.

    • The fact that Kentucky has a Noah’s Ark museum paid for by tax dollars, and the website even addresses manure.
    • After the main story, John does a segment about The Inspectors, a bizarre edu-tainment show on CBS where the U.S. Postal Inspectors act like the CSI Verse or other CBS crime dramas, all for the purpose of informing kids how to safely handle their mail. John learns the show isn’t big with kids but is with senior citizens, so he gets help from shows popular with younger people to spread the message of postal safety, including RuPaul’s Drag Race, This Is Us (with Jack Pearson joking how he’s not going to die from a letter bomb, referencing the show’s Myth Arc) and Orange Is the New Black.
  • From the segment on Alex Jones:
    • In response to Jones’s infamous “turning the friggin’ frogs homosexual” rant, John just wonders how he’ll react to the real government conspiracy to turn raccoons bilingual.
    • John’s varying descriptions of Dr. Edward Group III, Jones’s “medical knowledgeable”, as looking like “the lead in a direct-to-DVD Kato Kaelin biopic”, “what would occur if Tom Petty was machine-washed as an alternative of dry-cleaned”, “a fifth-year senior on the University of Falling Off A Surfboard”, and “what would occur if Iggy Pop acquired the Rachel”. Then he plays a clip of Group telling people to Google “refugees spreading illness”, to which John retorts that doing that will probably just take them to the Wikpedia page on xenophobia.
    • The run-down of a moment where Jones is unusually hesitant to make definitive statements about the effects of one of his supplements:
    • When Jones in a clip says people should buy his iodine over the one sold in stores because the store version will kill them:
    John: I honestly did not know you could imply that your competition kills people. “Four out of 5 dentists choose Trident gum, and the fifth dentist is useless, as a result of he put a chunk of Wrigley’s in his mouth, and that is principally suicide!
    • John refers to Jones’s interview with Megyn Kelly as his appearance on Rationalizing Low Ratings with Megyn Kelly.
    • Describing Jones’s constant exhortations for viewers to donate or buy his merchandise as “an NPR pledge drive for individuals who hate NPR”.
  • On Brexit:
    • John’s reaction to the naughtiest thing Theresa May has ever done: running through the fields.

    John: The naughtiest thing you’ve ever done is run through a wheat field? I cannot imagine a scenario where that is ever naughty unless you’re doing it while high on PCP and fucking a cantaloupe!

    • His commentary on pet passports.

    John: And while they are a genuine logistical concern, pet passports do also sound like they belong to real asshole cats and dogs. “I imply, technically I’m a Persian, however I think about myself extra a citizen of the world.” Fuck you, Muffin! You still use your mouth to clean your butt! You’re not better than me!

  • In the season finale:
    • John compares Trump’s rambling manner of giving speeches to someone only using the preset word suggestions smartphones give when someone is typing. And then demonstrates by generating an example of doing so that makes just as much sense as one of Drumpf’s speeches.
    • John once again hits the “We Got Him” button for Trump, but this time the tiger mascot doesn’t give him a chance to realize he’s wrong, and just smashes the button. But this does get some pay off later, when John uses the Olson Twins’ inability to accept his invite to appear on the show as “proof” of his conspiracy theory of there only being one of them, and hits the button (now reading “We Got Her”).
    • The Stinger to the episode: a promo for a Tom Hanks movie featuring all of the Presidential wax models John bought earlier in the season as a sort of presidential action dream team. Then one falls over.

    Season Five 

  • The trailer consists of a Don LaFontaine-style In a World… narration that retains getting interrupted by John reacting to insane headlines on his telephone.
    “…the President’s dropping a Twitter combat to Jewel.”

    “ISIS received Powerball? Who offered them a ticket!?

    “Where are kittens even getting opioids?”

    “Oh, he did the accent. It’s rather more racist if he did the accent.”

    “A chipmunk attacked a synagogue…and he knew it was a synagogue.”

    • It ends with him getting a text that just says “RUN!”. Nothing actually happens, but he still ends up running around anyway.
  • His segment on scandals throughout the world:
  • On his episode about Trump vs. The World:
    • John asks how is Donald Trump handles other nations:

      John: How his approach to the world going? And the answer, surprisingly, is great! And now, this!
      [“And Now This” transition starts before abruptly reversing]
      John: Wait wait wait wait wait! I’m kidding! It’s been a fucking disaster! In fact, to give you a sense of how much damage he can do in very little— I can’t believe you nearly bought that!

    • The segment ends with John talking about how America has great things and terrible things all mixed together, impossible to separate. If he had to summarize America in one sound, it would be New York City Gay Men’s Chorus singing “All Star” by Smash Mouth, which for him is a terrible, stupid song sung in a beautiful manner.
    • In another example of how America is both wonderful and awful, he brings up Popeye’s Chicken.

      John: It’s objectively awful, but I would RUN ACROSS TRAFFIC to eat this shit!

  • When John announced that the judge in the court case between the show and Murray Energy was planning to dismiss the case, he says that “Now just isn’t the time for gloating….” followed Mr. Nutterbutter stepping out with a giant sign saying “EAT SHIT, BOB!”
  • On his episode in regards to the Italian Election:
    • John notes that with the fact that it’s Italy’s 65th government in over 70 years, so even Italians might have trouble remembering who the leader is. John shows who it is, only to reveal that the picture is just what came up when he searched “Italian Man” in a stock image website.
    • When he finds out that one of the political movements in the election organizes Vaffanculo Day, which translates to “Fuck Off” Day, he’s very excited, thinking that Hallmark should get in on it, because he has a lot of people to send cards to.
    • When it’s revealed that a far-right supporter who opened fire and wounded six was a candidate for a local election, John points out that the man received no votes.
      John: Not only did his family and friends not vote for him, he didn’t even vote for himself! Even if you are a racist, murderous piece of shit, if you run for anything, you should at least get one vote or you’re just a fucking idiot!
    • At the end of the segment, John notes that the government could still pick a non-politician who has had nothing to do with the campaign, and suggests that he should run. They asked several Italian legal experts, and while they said John couldn’t run for Prime Minister of Italy, they also admitted that there’s no explicit provision that said he couldn’t.
      John: We have ourselves an Air Bud scenario. Remember: The rules of basketball did not explicitly state he couldn’t play. Next thing you know, the dog’s dunking. Well, I am that dog, Italy, so alley-oop, motherfuckers!
    • He then goes on to state he is not so different from the other politicians running in Italy. There was a party started by a comedian, and he considers himself a comedian by technicality; there are politicians that appear on TV with live animals, which he’s done several times; and for candidates who appeared as contestants on Italian game shows, he admits he hasn’t done that, but considering all the false news that have gone on, he sees no reason why he shouldn’t lie and say he has, showing fake footage of him on the Italian version of Wheel of Fortune, and making a ridiculous mistake which results in everyone including the host booing him (in reference to the exact same thing happening to one of the candidates who was a contestant).

      John: Why did I go to the trouble of faking a game show in which I lost? I think deep down, it’s just who I am.

    • Screwing up the accompanying photo of Silvio Berlusconi by “by chance” showing HPV and then a condom filled with marinara sauce.
  • When he says that Jared Kushner’s behavior is not as different from Donald Trump, he notes that the difference between them is that one has electrifying sexual chemistry with Ivanka Trump…and the other is Jared Kushner.
  • On his episode about NRA TV:
    • After showing news segments noting that NRA TV is carried by Amazon, Apple, and Roku, John notes how Roku must be thrilled to be put on the same level of major streaming services of Amazon and Apple.
    • When looking over the show Love At First Shot, he is baffled at the absurdity of some of the show’s moments.

      John: “A light-weight poof of happiness?” It’s a little weird to describe a semi-automatic rifle the way Bob Ross describes a fucking cloud!

    • Another is from their favorite moment of the show. Where two of the women shoot containers of paint over a canvas to give to the pregnant host to hang in their nursery.

      John: Yeah. They shot paint. So when somebody inevitably asks why you have what appears to be a blank canvas with a large bloodstain hanging up in your child’s nursery, you’ll be able to completely reassure them by saying “Oh yeah, my pal shot that for me!”

    • They look over the commercials, which have a vaguely threatening tone over calming imagery. One example is how they portray marijuana, calling it a prostitute.

      John: I didn’t think this was possible, but I think that guy just slut-shamed marijuana. And don’t get me started on mushrooms, those filthy tramps! They’ll grow next to anything! Whores with spores, that’s what I call them!”

    • Parodied on the finish with a pretend industrial making muffins sound completely terrifying, paid for by the National Pancake Council.
    • At one level they present an NRA advert that includes a TV displaying information clips essential to the group and Donald Trump, together with Last Week Tonight itself, earlier than a person smashes the TV with a sledgehammer. At the top of the episode, the digital camera pulls again to disclose a TV just like the advert, and John, dressed like the person within the advert, proceeds to smash the TV with a sledgehammer too.
    • In relation to this, the unique NRA advert the place a tv will get smashed prompts John to dryly remark, “If NRA members are annoyed with what I’m saying right now, they should do the exact same thing, and smash their expensive televisions with large sledgehammers. Are you listening, NRA members? Destroy your own property. It’s a really good idea, and it’s honestly the only way we’ll learn.”
  • On his episode about cryptocurrency:
    • John says that for most individuals, bitcoin was solely talked about by the one man within the workplace who would not shut up about it. He decides to call this hypothetical individual “Dan”, as a result of that is the title of the one who’s been speaking about it, displaying photos of the author, Dan Gurewitch, who John continuously berates all through the phase.
    • John finds out that firms that added “blockchain” to their title noticed their inventory enhance threefold, so he decides to rename the present to “Last Bit Tonight with Block Chainiver”.
    • John begins to record the ridiculous names of cryptocurrencies, corresponding to Titcoin, DeepOnion, and Clams.

      John: An inventory so insane, you possibly can’t inform which of them are actual, and which I made up, as a result of they’re all actual, I did not make any up! I attempted to give you a dumber title than DeepOnion, and it simply cannot be finished!

  • On the poisoning of Russian spy Sergei Skripal and the 2018 Russian presidential election:
    • John factors out that the United States and far of Europe agree on blaming Russia for the poisoning, which John thinks it is unimaginable, as a result of “we can’t even get the world to agree on a single shape of electrical outlets,” whereas displaying a number of forms of shapes.
      John: What the fuck is that one, by the way in which? It seems to be like I’m plugging my laptop computer into the killer from Scream.
    • John notes that the Russian authorities hasn’t finished a lot to dissuade the allegations, noting what a information anchor for Kremlin-controlled Channel One Russia mentioned:
      Russian information anchor: If you are an expert traitor, my recommendation is do not transfer to England, one thing’s not proper there, the local weather maybe, however too many issues go on there; persons are hanged, poisoned, helicopter crashes or they fall out of home windows.
      John: It’s not daily that you just hear a information anchor sound precisely like a mob boss. [in Russian accent] “Breaking news: It would be real shame if wise guy who thinks he can make fun of us has terrible thing happen to him, maybe fall out of poisoned window into helicopter blade, or maybe he keep his fucking mouth shut; here’s Linda with the weather.”
    • John jokingly reveals that the winner of the Russian election was Hillary Clinton, which prompts a showering of balloons whereas Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song” performs. Then John admits he was kidding and states that the precise winner was “the poison guy.”
    • John resuming the the explanation why the three potential candidates who might need had the most effective likelihood in opposition to Putin did not make it to the poll as them getting “Fucked, Harried, and Killed” respectively.observe 
    • When watching a music video of Russian girls praising Putin, John responds along with his regular sarcastic utterance of “cool”, besides he does it in Russian.
  • On his episode on Mike Pence:
    • John exhibits a information phase the place Donald Trump as soon as joked about how Pence needs to hold all homosexuals, John responds that jokes like that solely work when the premise behind it’s true, like unhealthy airline meals, unhealthy breakups, and other people from Toronto being fearful of hard-boiled eggs.
    • At the start of the phase, John mentioned that there was one optimistic factor that he would say about Pence, which he later reveals is the truth that he truly likes Pence’s pet rabbit, Marlon Bundo (which John even says is an objectively good title for a bunny).
      John: The level is Marlon Bundo is essentially the most likable factor of an in any other case unlikable man, like how George W. Bush is a superbly effective painter, or Bill Cosby raised American’s consciousness of pudding, or how Roger Ailes is useless.
    • John then reveals that the rabbit has a e book about it to be launched shortly after this episode is launched, so the employees made a e book making the rabbit homosexual and releasing it earlier than the opposite e book Pence is planning on releasing.

      John: And let me be utterly clear about this: This is definitely a e book for kids! This is an actual kids’s e book. This is not some grownup e book telling Mike Pence to go fuck himself. Although in shopping for it, that is precisely what you’ll be doing!

    • The e book shortly turned rather more common than Pence’s. In Amazon, Pence’s e book is at the moment at fifteenth place on gross sales with a couple of evaluations, whereas John’s e book was a smash hit and has obtained common acclaim, to the purpose the place many 1-star rankings are simply individuals praising the e book to discredit anybody who tries to one-star it for having a homosexual rabbit. You know you’ve got finished one thing wonderful when the review-trolls are on your facet. (Although some followers did bash Pence’s e book in Amazon merely for current, however Amazon now requires an precise buy earlier than it may be reviewed. Apparently it is not a foul e book, it is simply that John’s is healthier.)
    • One of the individuals who’ve praised the e book may shock you; Charlotte Pence, the daughter of Mike Pence and the author of Pence’s e book loves it, absolutely helps the charities, and has posted an image of Marlon Bundo sporting the identical bowtie LWT’s Bundo wears. Even Bundo’s personal social media accounts have praised the e book!
  • When speaking in regards to the Egypt presidential election, he reveals the winner is Hilary Clinton, main to a different showering of balloons and taking part in “Fight Song”, solely to disclose that, once more, he is simply kidding, and he simply loves messing with the viewers.
  • On his episode on immigration courts:
    • John states that kids with an immigration dispute having to symbolize themselves in immigration courtroom to find out their nationality regardless of being underage is completely legals. He exhibits a YouTube collection finished by an immigration lawyer who interviewed kids about their immigration standing. It is comedy gold.
      • The first one:
        Interviewer: And do you converse English as your native language?
        Child #1: Yeah. I like my balloon!
        Interviewer: I like your balloon too. What is your finest language?
        Child #1: I positioned a tie over fairies to ?????? blue.
        Interviewer: Where have been you born?
        Child #1: I… I… I… I… I… It was mommy and (Cheech?)
        Interviewer: So do you are feeling like you possibly can go forward and symbolize your self in immigration courtroom to find out your nationality?
        Child #1: Uh huh.
        Interviewer: Alright, are you excited to do it?
        Child #1: (excited) Yeah!
      • And the second:

        Interviewer: If you have been eliminated, would you prefer to designate a rustic of removing?
        Child #2: Yeah.
        Interviewer: Okay, what nation would that be?
        (ten full seconds of silence)
        Child #2: Pizza.
        John: Yeah! Oh yeah, you snicker now, however it will not be so cute when that woman is deported again to Papa Johns, as a result of it is technically pizza and that’s precisely why these kids want attorneys!

    • The above results in Tot Bench, a parody of choose discuss exhibits the place the forged are all 3-4 12 months olds excluding the defendant, H. Jon Benjamin, who’s understandably miffed on the sight of it.
      Defendant: Do you even know my title?
      Stenographer: David Schwimmer!
      Defendant: How do you even know who David Schwimmer is?
      Stenographer: Hacksaw Wige!
      Defendant: David Schwimmer was not even in Hacksaw Ridge
    • Eventually the defendant will get fed up with the toddlers’ antics and pleads responsible.
  • On his episode on Crisis Pregnancy Centers:
    • How he introduces his fundamental phase (just like how he launched the primary time they dealt with abortion as a subject)…

      John: Pornography: Some individuals consider that it needs to be out there and accessible with out stigma, others suppose “Well, it’s not for me, but it’s fine for other people in certain situations”, and some individuals suppose it needs to be banned utterly. Oh, did I say pornography? Sorry, I meant abortion.

    • John is horrified when Barbara Beavers, founding father of one of many CPCs, insists that girls are supposed to die for his or her kids.

      John: Holy shit! Let me be completely clear right here, Barbara, the one females made to die for his or her infants are Pacific Salmon. They lay 1000’s of eggs after which die after spawning. You’re welcome! Tune in subsequent week for extra of Johnny O’s Fish Facts, Wildlife Wonders, and Abortion!

    • John notes that girls would typically go to a close-by CPC as an alternative of the abortion clinic, so to make it clearer, they painted the ramp outdoors their door yellow, which he compares to The Wizard of Oz.

      John: Which is definitely applicable, as a result of that film, too, entails a younger girl getting stopped a number of instances by idiots bothering her with their very own fucking points as she simply tries to get the place she must fucking go!

    • CPCs can spout some statements about abortion which are simply Blatant Lies, one among which is that if an individual dies because of an abortion, they’ll discover components of the fetus within the lungs or coronary heart.
    • The ultrasounds at CPCs generally have messages supposed to get an emotional response from the dad and mom, corresponding to “Hi, Mommy and Daddy”. John counsel extra inventive messages if they are going to make unrequested messages, like “I’m totally pooping in here”, “I ate my twin”, and “Please don’t put this on Facebook, everyone hates that”.
    • John reveals how straightforward it’s for anybody to arrange a CPC, very similar to his founding of “Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption”, he decides to make his personal and produce again his “wife”, Wanda Jo, going round in a van known as Vanned Parenthood, the place they’re legally capable of say something they need about abortions, like abortions will make a ghost child to hang-out them eternally, will flip their breast milk to kombucha, and after an abortion, the vagina will seal up like an Egyptian tomb. Wanda Jo then reveals that she’s not legally required to have any coaching to make use of an ultrasound machine, and to show, she makes use of it to indicate that John’s pregnant.
  • On his episode about Corporate Taxes:
    • John introduces the phase stating that most individuals’s considerations in regards to the tax system may be summed up by a Instagram video by Cardi B:
      Cardi B: You know that the federal government is taking 40% of my taxes, and Uncle Sam, I wish to know what you are doing with my fucking tax cash. What are y’all niggas doin’ with my fucking cash?! What is up y’all with my fucking cash?! I wish to know, I need receipts, I need the whole lot! [starts repeating it very fast until it becomes unintelligible]
      John: Well Cardi, if you wish to know the place your cash goes, could I current to you the lately handed omnibus spending package deal, as a result of it seems Cardi, your fucking cash goes to Your Fuckin’ Military, Your Fuckin’ Health Care, and Your Fuckin’ Social Security and Veteran and Unemployement Benefits; the whole lot else is just a few discretionary shit, and naturally, curiosity.
    • A lawyer named John Carol Jr. got here up with an concept to maneuver US firms offshore to keep away from paying taxes, and to have fun, his agency celebrated by internet hosting an opera in his residence, celebrating about by no means paying taxes.
      Opera Singer:The Feds shall be screaming / But you may be beaming / ‘Cause we’ll by no means pay taxes once more
      John: Wow, we could have simply discovered the one musical immune to race-blind casting. You cannot go Hamilton on this one, as a result of these individuals actually should be white.
    • Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO, claims to not be stashing their funds on some Caribbean island, which John admits is technically appropriate: They put the cash in Ireland and Jersey, which aren’t within the Caribbean.

      John: Although, whenever you actually have a look at it, you possibly can virtually mistake it for the Caribbean, if you happen to squint a little bit, drink 9 pints of beer, and maintain up an image of the Caribbean in entrance of it.

    • Google, nevertheless places its mental property into Ireland, the Netherlands, and Bermuda, a way which has the title of the “Double Irish with a Dutch Sandwich” which John thinks could be the title of essentially the most disgusting intercourse act, or a extra disgusting Waffle House merchandise, claiming it is when somebody opens up a baked potato, farts in it, after which closes it again up. This turns into a Brick Joke on the finish of the phase, when John presents the businesses a Double Irish with a Dutch Sandwich for them to get pleasure from.
  • When speaking about how the final remaining Blockbusters in Alaska would wish one thing to attract clients in, he brings up Russell Crowe’s public sale of props and costumes from films he is been in, which he briefly talked about on his Mike Pence episode. John is shocked that the leather-based jockstrap he wore in Cinderella Man that was anticipated to promote for $500 offered for $7000, leaving individuals to invest that it was the Last Week Tonight group that purchased it. John reveals that they weren’t those that purchased the jockstrap…besides they have been, although, displaying off the brand new buy. John then tells the viewers that they did not purchase anything from the public sale…besides they did, although. He then goes round displaying the brand new Russell Crowe stuff, providing it to the Alaskan Blockbusters, and if they do not need it, he is aware of a transportation museum in Scranton that may be open to creating a brand new exhibit.
  • On his episode in regards to the Iran Deal:
    • John exhibits a real-life industrial meant to criticize the Iran Nuclear Deal which concerned a standard household sitting right down to dinner solely to be vaporized by a nuclear bomb mid-conversation. John’s response.
      John: Wow! That is a hostile method to make your level. There is simply one advert which you can utterly justify being interrupted by a nuclear explosion and it’s this one.
      (Cut to Kars-4-Kids Commercial)
      Kars-4-Kids Singer: ♫ 1-877-Kars-4-Kids, Okay-A-R- ♫
      (BOOM then smash lower to the phrase ENOUGH)
      John: Good. Good. I’m glad these kids are useless.
    • John explaining that not renewing the Iran Nuclear Deal in May since you’re afraid Iran shall be nearer to creating a nuclear bomb in 10 years is nonsensical since cancelling the deal instantly means they’re going to have the ability to begin making a nuclear bomb “right now, in zero years.” John then factors out the little identified proven fact that 0 is lower than 10.

      John: Trust us! We ran the numbers on this ourselves! I spent per week at Cambridge talking with the Lucasian Chair of Mathematics, Michael Cates, and I really feel just about sure zero is lower than ten! Also you must observe, earlier than the deal, Iran had sufficient enriched uranium to finally create eight to 10 bombs. Which, bear in mind, they gave up. Meaning they at the moment have sufficient for zero bombs. Which once more, is lower than ten! I can not stress sufficient, the extent that zero is lower than ten! We should agree on that, or we’re all fucked!

    • To attempt to discover some method to attain out to Trump and inform him to maintain the Iran Deal going, John purchased advert time on Sean Hannity’s present. The industrial is a parody of the one in opposition to the Deal, displaying a cheerful household sitting right down to dinner, solely to be interrupted by… the Catheter Cowboy, who then tries to persuade Trump to maintain the deal going by mentioning 0 is lower than 10, he should not take heed to John Bolton due to his silly-looking mustache, after which he and the household blow up anyway as a result of the mother forgot she left the range on.

      John: That advert goes to confuse lots of people.

  • When a information reporter says that the latest candidate for the West Virginia senate has lately been launched from jail. John reveals the candidate is O.J. Simpson. And just like the pretend reveals that Hillary Clinton received an election, there’s one other showering of balloons whereas “Fight Song” performs.
  • On his episode on Rudy Giuliani
    • When John recaps Giuliani’s recognition within the aftermath of 9/11, he notes that it included a Made-for-TV Movie about his life the place he was performed by James Woods. He then exhibits a clip of the movie, the place Woods-as-Giuliani is having a political dialog (“Democrats always talk about things getting better, Republicans did whatever they could to make them better”), then it one way or the other transitions into Woods-as-Giuliani kissing his spouse:
      John: Hawt. Right? Right? I imply, come on. Who would not wish to watch James Woods and the girl from Kindergarten Cop commerce Republican-themed pillow discuss on a inexperienced display screen seashore earlier than exchanging essentially the most sexless kiss within the historical past of movie? How did that not win the entire awards?
    • John notes that, at the start of Giuliani’s profession as a federal prosecutor, he engaged in such stunts as going undercover as a Hells Angel to purchase crack, however after displaying an image of him, John claims that he seems to be much less like a avenue junkie and extra like “the third best member of an all-dad blues band called Dad to the Bone.”
    • John makes a number of jokes after revealing that Giuliani’s first marriage was to his second cousin.
      • When Giuliani claims that they did not find out about their familial relations till years into their marriage…

        John: Oh bull-shit! He did not suppose it was just a bit bit bizarre on the wedding ceremony ceremony when one facet of the church was each households, and the opposite was only one very nervous photographer who did not take a single image?!

      • When Giuliani publicly introduced he had deliberate to divorce his second spouse with out giving her any prior warning…

        John: That is nearly essentially the most humiliating means potential to finish a wedding aside from saying publicly, “Whoopsie! I boned my cousin!”

      • When evaluating Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani, John notes that each of them are drawn to Ivanka, which is bizarre for Donald as a result of Ivanka is in his household, and bizarre for Rudy as a result of she is not.
    • John performs a audio recording of Giuliani insulting somebody for desirous to personal ferrets in New York. Then we get to see the ferret proprietor, and John reluctantly takes Giuliani’s facet.
    • John cannot consider that in ten years, Giuliani went from Time Magazine’s Person of the Year, to internet hosting a Mob Movie weekend on AMC.

      John: That could be like if in ten years from now, Bravo introduced a Fuck Boys of the ’90s Marathon hosted by Malala Yousafzai! “How the fuck did that happen!? What did I miss? Clearly, a significant amount of goodwill has somehow been squandered!”

    • John decides to purchase the names to a number of websites in response to Giuliani’s actions. Going to (in reference to Giuliani being one of many individuals who unfold the conspiracy principle that Hillary Clinton had a grave sickness in the course of the 2016 Presidential marketing campaignobserve ) leads a video of two ferrets having intercourse, (in reference to Giuliani’s personal safety firm) results in two ferrets which are cousins not having intercourse, and at last, (in reference to John noting Giuliani’s similarities to Donald Trump, then including that the one factor lacking is Giuliani changing into President) results in a ferret dancing and double-Flipping the Bird.
  • In the replace about John shopping for Russell Crowe’s jock strap and different assorted movie memorabilia:
    • It seems Crowe put that cash to good use by donating it to the care of chlamydia-stricken koalas in Australia. The Australian Zoo (run by the Irwins) even made a plaque naming it “The John Oliver Koala Chlamydia Ward” in honor to John.
    • John reveals that his objective all alongside for the present was to get a koala chlamydia ward, decides to lastly shut the entire present down. He packs up his issues and the set will get deconstructed.

      John: I do know chances are you’ll be asking at this level “But John, wasn’t making four-and-a-half seasons of aggressively researched comedy a fairly inefficient way of getting a koala chlamydia ward named after you?” And to that I reply, “Well, I mean, it worked, so I guess…Fuck you? I guess?”

  • Every week later, the present airs as regular. Why are they again regardless that John shut the present down?
    John: First, HBO contracts are a little bit more durable to get out of than I initially thought, and second, these attractive little fuckers usually are not as cute as you’d anticipate! They are nasty, they’re imply, they are not technically bears, and all they saved asking was whether or not or not I knew James Corden and I do not! I do not know him! But I hear horrible issues! So sadly for everyone, this present should proceed, and we start tonight with the Trump White House: The solely house in America the place the subsequent occupant must ask “What’s the best way to get cum stains out of Abe Lincoln’s ghost?” Now-
    [audience groans]
    John: Yeah, WE’RE BACK!
  • John talks in regards to the controversy of 1 Trump White House aide who dismissed Senator John McCain’s criticism of Donald Trump as a result of “he’s dying anyway” (McCain was recognized with mind most cancers), stating that as of late, it is not likely shocking.
    John: “Trump aide says something awful” is not actually information, it is simply an assumed truth, like gravity, or the truth that Young Sheldon will sometime develop up and look nothing like Jim Parsons, after which all hell will break unfastened as a result of the world cannot deal with an inconsistency like that!
  • On Michael Cohen’s Essential Consultants LLC:
    • John begins explaining how Michael Cohen used an LLC known as Essential Consultants for an array of enterprise actions, together with promoting entry to Trump, by stating that he thought that one gained entry to Trump by discovering a golden ticket in a MAGA hat.

      John: Don’t fall into the river of gravy, little Charlie, otherwise you’ll by no means be the subsequent proprietor of the racism manufacturing facility!

    • John notes that the title “Essential Consultants” is a complete Non-Indicative Name, as a result of Cohen just isn’t important, just isn’t a marketing consultant, and was the one individual within the firm, that means that even the “s” in “Consultants” was deceptive.
    • John notes that he finds odd that Cohen’s gross sales pitch involving his information about Trump, stating that attorneys normally do not pitch themselves by providing information about their different shoppers.

      John: It’s like a health care provider saying, “If you hire me, I’ll tell you about all of Larry King’s birthmarks.” First, you are not purported to be sharing that data. Second, EWWW! EWWW!

    • The better part comes when John lists the businesses that really did paid Cohen, culminating with AT&T, the corporate that’s making an attempt to purchase Time Warner, the guardian firm of the present’s channel HBO, particularly when AT&T later admitted the deal stating that it was to “better understand the president’s thinking.”

      John: That is simply ridiculous, as a result of if you wish to perceive this president’s considering, merely have a donkey kick you within the head 5 instances, after which watch Fox News for 72 hours straight. That’ll offer you a reasonably good concept of what is going on on in his thoughts.

  • On his episode on Venezuela
    • John warns to not confuse Venezuela con “Benezela”, a celeb couple that is simply Ben Affleck fucking a vuvuzela.
    • John notes that Venezuela is known for giving the world seven Miss Universes and 6 Miss Worlds, “and of course, most importantly, one Wilmer Valderrama, who I like to think of as the Miss Universe of That ’70s Show.”
    • John warns that this fundamental story just isn’t going to a pleasing matter like “Slippers”, “Everything Looks Okay at the Pudding Factory”, or “A Genocide, But It’s Only Happening to Balloon Animals”.
    • John notes that conservative media has used the disaster in Venezuela as “proof” of the inevitable consequence of a socialist authorities, displaying for instance a reporter from InfoWars who was fairly clear in making an attempt to get somebody they have been interviewing, a Bernie Sanders supporter, to bash socialist reforms in America as a result of it failed in Venezuela, however the interviewee was utterly disinterested. After a pair makes an attempt to goad her, the interviewee dryly advised the interviewer, “You people have, like, worms in your brain. Honestly.”
      John: Now, that isn’t nice information for that InfoWars reporter. She primarily simply acquired served by Sassy Popeye.observe  But what you’ve there’s a good distillation of the present degree of political discourse in America: Two individuals who do not actually know what they’re speaking about, condescending to one another nonsensically, till one among them lands a sick burn.
    • John notes that the protests in Venezuela had resorted to what has turn into often known as “Poo-poo-tov cocktails”, jars crammed with human feces.

      John: Yes, “Poo-poo-tov cocktails”, named in fact after the Soviet premier Vyacheslav Poopootov, who was notorious for pooping in jars and throwing them at individuals, little little bit of historical past for you there.

    • John makes a number of jokes about the truth that the image they use as reference for Nicolás Maduro is one among him opening his mouth extensive to eat a banana.

      John: Despite all [the crisis], Maduro is about to dominate this election like he completely dominated that banana.

    • When discussing how Maduro’s predecessor Hugo Chávez remains to be common within the nation, John exhibits a clip that brings up the Chávez eyes imagery, culminating with a person who had the design tattooed to his brow.

      John: Now that is dedication proper there. “I like my President so much I want him to watch me masturbate for the rest of my life.” Because that is what these eyes are going to see. They’ll see different issues, however [looks up and down to his crotch] they’re additionally seeing that.

    • John is amused by Maduro’s declare that the spirit of Hugo Chávez talked to him as a chook, principally as a result of it is a very humiliating reincarnation.

      John: Now, what I like essentially the most about that aside from the whistling, which I like very a lot, is the concept when highly effective leaders die, they turn into birds, as a result of that could be a fairly humiliating second act. “I led my people to greatness, and now I will barf my lunch into my child’s mouth and fly into a glass window.”

    • As proof that Maduro just isn’t as common as Chávez, John exhibits a TV look the place Maduro was studying messages from the viewers on air.
      Nicolás Maduro: [A viewer] tells me: “Nicolás Maduro: Suck on it.” [beat] You suck by yourself. [beat] You can suck your self.
      John: Yes, that is proper, Maduro primarily appeared on a phase of Celebrities Read Mean Tweets utterly by chance!
    • Venezuelans discuss with their weight reduction because of the meals scarcity because the “Maduro Diet”. John says that it is a “healthy-sounding term for a truly horrifying situation.”
    • John notes that at one level, Maduro acquired the “Maduro Diet” time period thrown at him, which he tries to spin saying that it “makes you hard! No need for Viagra!” John is appalled.
      John: That is essentially the most awkward presidential try to be “in on the joke” since Herbert Hoover claimed that Hoovertowns make you moist with out the necessity of cornmeal or castor oil. They did not completely perceive how vaginas labored again then.
    • In order to resolve the starvation downside, the Venezuelan authorities proposed a plan to breed and eat rabbits. Instead, many individuals determined to maintain them as pets. The authorities then made a “pretty callous” correction by saying a rabbit is two-and-a-half kilos of meat, which John says could be extra becoming for a tank-top Marlon Bundo would put on in his clubbing days.
    • Maduro blames the United States as conspiring to destroy Venezuela. While John admits that America was liable for terrible issues in Central and South America, regardless of all that, America just isn’t liable for what is going on in Venezuela.

      John: Accusing America of making Venezuela’s disaster is about as truthful as accusing O. J. Simpson of murdering Princess Diana. I’m not saying it will be utterly out of character, it simply occurs to not be true on this specific occasion!

    • John notes how Maduro, when his get together misplaced management of the National Assembly stacked the Supreme Court with new Justices, after which merely created an entire new Assembly that outmoded it, which included his spouse and his son.

      John: Just consider the sheer scale of what Maduro did there. That could be like, if right here, Trump put a bunch of his mates on the Supreme Court, who then fortunately allowed him to create a second Congress that outranks the true Congress, and its members embrace Melania and Eric, and which, by the way in which, you simply know he’d name Don-gress. You know he would do this! You understand it! And please take it down earlier than he will get any concepts, I already remorse bringing it up.

    • At the top of his episode, John decides that there is just one means for his message to succeed in Nicolás Maduro, a chook. And so he will get Wilmer Valderrama in a chook costume to talk.

      Wilmer: And if you happen to’re considering that is simply Wilmer Valderrama in a chook go well with, properly you used to suppose I used to be Hugo Chávez so, you are not precisely the authority on what’s birds.

    • At one level, John demonstrates how out of contact Maduro is with all of the individuals ravenous in his nation by taking part in a clip of him addressing Venezuela and pausing partway by means of his speech to eat an empanada. Later, when Wilmer Valderrama is out in his chook costume, he makes a remark directed in direction of John, who’s revealed to likewise be consuming an empanada.
      Wilmer: Maduro, the entire world can see what mess you make, even TV hosts right here in America, like that fool.
      John: [with a mouthful of empanada] I used to be simply having a little bit snack.
      Wilmer: Bad timing, Zazu.
  • When speaking in regards to the royal wedding ceremony, John performs a clip from CBS the place Gayle King, the place she’s confused about all of the fuss about Meghan Markle’s backside.
    John: You know what? That’s truthful, Gayle, that is truly truthful. We British persons are not precisely identified for our style in butts. The precise Sir Mix-A-Lot was a sixteenth century nobleman so inbred, that when a woman walked in with an itty-bitty waist and a spherical factor in his face he simply sneezed out of his elbow and died.
  • On his episode on Rehab:
    • John begins off speaking about how till lately, habit to medication or alcohol was seen as one thing that may very well be overcome by sheer willpower alone. To emphasize his level, he exhibits a industrial from the 80’s starring Belinda Carlisle within the Rock Against Drugs (R.A.D.) marketing campaign. At the top of the industrial, John has his hand doing the satan’s horns, saying “Rad” in a sarcastic tone. He additionally factors out that Carlisle admitted to utilizing cocaine for one more 20 years after making that industrial.
    • The rehab business has seen an epidemic of overdose deaths, to the purpose the place one native official says to “Stop sending your loved ones to South Florida, because we’re sending them back in body bags”. John admits it is horrible, however not an inaccurate tourism slogan for Florida.
    • One researcher discovered that the majority rehab facilities boast spectacular success charges, solely going as little as 80%, however had no scientific knowledge to again up their claims. John means that they may as properly go additional if they are going to make such spectacular claims.

      John: Why even cease at 80%? Why not say you’ve a 140% success price? “For every ten people that come into our facility, fourteen emerge completely sober! Where did those extra four people come from? We have no idea! That’s how good we are!”

    • John follows up by saying that many of the knowledge is self-reported, principally coming by calling the previous shoppers.

      John: It may be laborious to confess that you have relapsed. Plus it is a telephone name, so you will say no matter it takes to make it finish. Cause getting sober could also be laborious, however nothing is more durable than an eight-minute telephone name with one other human being.

    • During an interview with Cliffside Malibu’s founder, Richard Taite realizes that he has no concept the place the sufferers are, saying that wherever they’re, there is a “therapeutic meaning behind it”.
      John: Good save, bro. Cause you have been in hassle for a minute there however the “therapeutic meaning” line was completely impressed! Because the reality is, something can have a therapeutic that means! His sufferers are stroking horses? That may very well be therapeutic! They’re biting owls? That may very well be therapeutic! Even the act of them being misplaced may very well be therapeutic! It’s known as “inadvertent wilderness therapy”, and it is 140% profitable!
    • The cycle of admission, relapse, readmission, and relapse, through which a affected person is milked for his or her insurance in rehab facilities till they die, known as “The Florida Shuffle”, which is extra horrific than John’s preliminary concept of what that might’ve been, which was a celebration the place everybody throws their keys right into a bowl and goes house to fuck their neighbor’s alligator.
  • On the Royal Expert:
    • It seems that the Royal Expert, Thomas J. Mace-Archer-Mills, Esq. is definitely a New Yorker named Tommy Muscatello, John compares it to a British individual pretending to be American by utilizing the title Jefferson Budweiser McNuggets Jr.
    • He apparently has an settlement with two, unrelated, aged British individuals to name them his grandparents.
      John: He went to Europe, met an previous girl, requested her to be his grandmother, and now he is aware of all in regards to the monarchy. And if that sounds in any respect acquainted to you, it is trigger it is actually the precise backstory of Babar the Elephant!
    • John calls Tommy’s plot lazy, and suggests a greater method to trick everybody with a way more favorable endgame.
      John: If you actually wish to pull the wool over individuals’s eyes…get a spot on The Daily Show, bide your time, good your silly pretend accent, and finally land your individual weekly program on HBO! Ooh, have I mentioned an excessive amount of!?
  • On his episode about court-appointed guardians:
  • On his episode about Stupid Watergate II:
    • John lists off Trump’s TV mates at Fox News: Pumpkin Dad, Captain Virgin (Tucker Carlson), Bad Judge (Jeanine Pirro), Whiter Megyn Kelly (Laura Ingraham), The Dunce Bus (the hosts of The Five), The Dunce Bus Jr. For Presidents (the hosts of Fox & Friends), and Michael Cohen Client Number 3: Sean Hannity, a person voted most fuckable by Nana Needs New Glasses journal.
    • John explains that Rudy Giuliani is making an attempt to enchantment to the jury when he goes on tv, and that’s the American individuals.

      John: And I do know what you are most likely considering proper now, “Fuck! Jury Duty! Time to act like a racist idiot to get out of it!”

    • Sean Hannity shows a listing of names in an effort to divert consideration away from Trump’s investigation. John counters with a listing of his personal. The record consists of Harry Connick Jr., Archduke Franz Ferdinand, Cher, Wayne Gretzky, Joyce Carol Oates, The Olsen Twin, P!nk, Desmond Tutu, Sinbad (Comedian), Sinbad (Sailor), Yakov Smirnoff, Idi Amin, L. Ron Hubbard, Fatty Arbuckle, and Fabio.

      John: Hey Sean, have you considered these fifteen individuals? What about them? What about Archduke Franz Ferdinand, Sean? What about Cher? We’re not speaking in regards to the FBI till you reply. What about Cher, Sean?

    • John exhibits that Hannity continuously claims his different controversies make Watergate appear to be stealing a Snickers bar. John notes it is an odd comparability contemplating Snickers would not sponsor Sean Hannity’s present, assuming that Snickers merely could not evaluate with Hannity’s precise sponsors: “My Pillow”, Recticare cream, and Sock Slider, with John displaying a industrial for the final one, revealing to be a tool to placed on socks.

      John: Oh thank goodness! I’ve been ready for somebody to invent a gadget that I can pre-load with a sock condom and foot-fuck my consolation each morning!

    • John is amused at Fox News’ fixed references to FBI brokers Peter Strzok and Lisa Page’s affair utilizing more and more unsubtle euphemisms.

      John: Oh yeah, they have been fuuuucking! They have been doing the nasty, doing the slam-bam within the ham, stuffin’ the muffin, fishing for kippers, they have been porking them in 44 and piercing them at 52, they slid the wand into the Goblet of Fire, they have been eating on the all you possibly can bone buffet at B. J. O. Porkington’s. They have been having an affair.

    • John factors out that there was no proof of a conspiracy in opposition to Trump’s in Strzok’s and Page’s 7,000 messages to one another, however he needs to increase some sympathy for the reporter who needed to learn 7,000 sexts between two attractive FBI brokers.
    • John provides up on selecting aside extra conspiracy theories as a result of there’ll at all times be one other rabbit gap. John the specifies that he means a metaphorical rabbit gap, and never “The Rabbit Hole”, the homosexual membership the place Marlon Bundo discovered his confidence years in the past.
  • On his episode about Xi Jinping:
    • When Xi Jinping mentioned that the world must be taught extra about China, John agrees, and admits that the present ought to’ve finished extra segments on it.
      John: Especially contemplating we have finished roughly 4000 completely different tales on New Zealand, and a number of items on the testicle receptacle from the 2005 Russell Crowe movie Cinderella Man!
    • The total temper of China’s center class is optimistic, which stuns John.
      John: Wow. A way of optimism in regards to the future. I’ve acquired to say, as a British individual, I simply discover that completely incomprehensible. If you search for optimism within the OED, and that is true, the definition merely reads “No”.
    • The music video for China’s Belt and Road initiative starring youngsters is so annoying but catchy, John dubs it “Kommunist Kars 4 Kids”.
    • On Xi Jinping’s crackdowns on references to Winnie-the-Pooh because of being embarrassed in regards to the supposed resemblance between them, John factors out that it isn’t a lot of 1, however the easy proven fact that it irritates him a lot signifies that individuals will by no means cease bringing it up. He then advises that the one method to win whenever you resemble a well-liked cartoon character is to “lean into it”, whereas displaying an image of himself alongside Zazu from The Lion King, referencing his upcoming position because the character within the 2019 remake.
    • China’s plans to provide every Chinese citizen a social credit rating consists of the penalty of low-speed web if one’s rating is simply too low. John thinks that low velocity web is an ideal enterprise alternative for AT&T, which is now HBO’s guardian firm.
  • On the Chlamydia in Norway situation:
    • John is shocked that there are adverts calling Norway because the land of Chlamydia to promote promoting condoms at 7-Eleven, calling it the second most shameless signage-based Chlamydia publicity stunt he is ever seen, the primary one being his koala ward.
    • Another industrial for sex-education in Norway entails a person in a penis costume sneaking as much as unsuspecting individuals, capturing confetti out of the penis head, and screaming. John has three fundamental issues with the industrial. First, the screaming from the penis. Second, the tagline for the industrial interprets to “Penis can surprise you”, which seems like a pick-up line from a Russian at an airport bar. And third, the truth that the penis bends at a proper angle to shoot the confetti. And if somebody’s penis does appear to be that, John suggests sending video proof to Jeff Sessions’s electronic mail deal with. And after he will get finished with that, the penis sneaks up on John.
  • On his episode on Mexican Elections:
  • In the episode about Prosecutors
    • John notes that “Prosecutors will decide” is a three-word phrase used so typically, the that means has been misplaced.

      John: Like “User Agreement Update” or “Some Restrictions Apply” or “Tyler Perry Presents”. At this level, I’m simply gonna assume he presents the whole lot. It’s safer that means. I technically suppose he presents this present. I would not be utterly shocked about that.

    • One prosecutor had a little bit electrical chair on his desk with 5 individuals. All of have been launched from Death Row.

      John: Yep. The factor he saved as a token of his success is now a monument to poor choice making. It is the prosecutorial equal of Cuba Gooding Jr.’s Oscar. (Audience groans) And look, if you wish to see-Why did that joke upset you greater than anything tonight!? You have gotten to be constant! You’ve acquired to be! You may care about Cuba, you care about him an excessive amount of on this context!

  • In the episode about Trade, John theorizes that each the tepid relationship between Donald Trump and his spouse Melania as properly an aluminum manufacturing facility employee’s appreciation in direction of Trump are because of a “Freaky Friday” Flip between Melania and the employee.
  • In the episode about Facebook in Myanmar, in the end, the present brings again the “Country you think about so little” Running Gag. This time it isn’t Myanmar, however Mikhail Gorbachev’s well-known brow birthmark.
  • In the episode about Brett Kavanaugh’s Supreme Court nomination:
    • Before diving into the bleaker, extra severe phase of Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony, John briefly opens up the episode with a jab on the Philadelphia Flyers’ new (and somewhat demonic wanting) mascot.

      John: Gritty seems to be like the top results of the orange McDonald’s Fry Guy hooking up with Grimace. And we have been over this one million instances earlier than on this present, if you happen to’re a McDonald’s mascot you don’t have intercourse with one other McDonald’s mascot. Genetics are too related and their youngsters prove very, very bizarre.

    • Gritty then comes again ultimately because the stand-in for Kavanaugh within the Supreme Court of Dogs (symbolizing how John considers Kavanaugh going to the bench a good larger aberration than Neil Gorsuch, who’s represented by a lobster), full with him crazily dancing at his desk and chugging down a can of beer.
    • Brett Kavanaugh getting irritated for being accused of “fights on boats in Rhode Island” leads John to conclude it’s becoming, in spite of everything:

      John: “I mean, come on?! Do I seem like exactly the type of person who might be in a fight on a boat in Rhode Island?! Seriously! You tell me! When you picture a fight on a boat in Rhode Island, do you picture two of me yelling at each other? Exactly at this volume?… I would like to see you say that to my face on a boat in Rhode Island!”

    • John’s fixed takedowns at what appears to make Kavanaugh teary-eyed. Specially when the record with girls results in a dramatic studying of “Mambo No. 5”.
  • In the episode in regards to the 2018 Brazilian presidential elections:
    • Before diving into frontrunner Jair Bolsonaro’s horrific racism, misogyny, homophobia, and common sociopathy, John rants about Bolsonaro’s frequent use of finger weapons.
    • While the remainder of the episode is somewhat bleak, Bolsonaro flirting with Elliot Page throughout their interview is humorous in a Crosses the Line Twice means. John particularly expresses amazement at how Bolsonaro managed to confuse Page, stating that needs to be unattainable for somebody who starred in Inception.
  • John describes Rick Scott as “auditioning for the role of ‘Happy Pencil’ in all my nightmares.”
  • In the episode about Authoritarianism:
    • John snarking that Russia’s musicals sound terrible with out homosexual individuals.
    • John’s parody of Duterte’s Christmas advert, full with a pretend hashtag (#DisplinaOliver).
  • The ultimate “And Now This” phase of the season has the narrator lower off what he is doing in an effort to go right into a rant about how he is overqualified for his job.
  • To shut out the season, John offers Call Backs to each the presidential wax figures he purchased final 12 months (and the film he made starring the Harding one) and his shopping for of Russell Crowe’s jockstrap from Cinderella Man to offer publicity for the remaining Blockbusters in Alaska. Specifically, he creates an motion film trailer starring the wax presidents as a heist crew out to steal the jockstrap. Joining them is Armie Hammer.
    • When the presidents are being launched with legal nicknames and a listing of their abilities (and naturally Warren “G-Dog” Harding is the chief):
    • The legal mastermind the crew goes up in opposition to? Russell Crowe himself.
  • In the December 2018 Brexit replace, Gilbert Gottfried makes a return, studying off articles from Theresa May’s Brexit settlement, which, after a number of apparent jabs on the dealing with of Brexit, he lastly stops him and has him learn a Bigfoot erotica, ending off with a risk to have him learn chapter 2.
  • In the episode about Gene Editing:
    • After a information clip speaking about experimental gene remedy inflicting speedy restoration to an toddler with leukemia, the place her father calls it a miracle:

      John: That’s incredible! And he is proper, it’s a miracle! Except when you consider it, it is truly not, it is science. Which I’d argue is definitely higher and extra handy than a miracle, as a result of you do not have to spend the subsequent two thousand years worshiping the scientist. You can simply be like, thanks!

READ:   Student Loan System Presents Repayment Challenges

    Season Six 

  • How John begins the primary episode of the season:
    • John states that too many issues occurred in the course of the three months the present went on hiatus, so he sums it up as “Every single person in America is now running for President, and Jeff Bezos told us all to keep an eye out for his dick pic.”
    • John doesn’t let Donald Trump’s “hamberders” tweet slip away, saying that Trump will most likely tweet about his declaration of nationwide emergency on the border as “The Berder Cornstidutes a Nertional Ederdency.”
    • John is perplexed at how Trump summarizes the authorized challenges he expects his declaration to have, made extra so by Trump accentuating the top of each clause.
      Trump: And we can have a nationwide emergency, and we’ll then be sued, and they’ll sue us within the Ninth Circuit, regardless that it should not be there, and we’ll probably get a foul ruling, after which we’ll get one other unhealthy ruling, after which we’ll find yourself within the Supreme Court, and hopefully we’ll get a good shake, and we’ll win within the Supreme Court
      John: You know, one more nice motive for Trump to not be President is that I now sort of wish to see him as a historic knowledgeable on the subsequent Ken Burns miniseries. “They killed the Arch-duke, and Germany got mad, and then there were tanks, and also poison gas, and there was a beagle on a dog house flying around shooting at people, and then America won…”
  • When discussing how IKEA apologized for leaving New Zealand off a world map they’re promoting, John does a complete phase about how this retains occurring with world maps, saying how odd it’s for a rustic that is primarily “Times Square if all the people were replaced with sheep, and all the signs were also replaced with sheep”, with an absurdly photoshopped visible to match. In the top, he reveals that the present’s Twitter feed is offering maps of New Zealand that may be printed out and added to the map of the consumer’s alternative.
  • When discussing the looming Brexit deadline:
    • John first exhibits a clip from a British actuality present, Love Island, the place half the individuals concerned do not even know what Brexit is, then go onto a tangent on whether or not it’s going to have an effect on their capability to purchase cheese. It says so much in regards to the dialogue that, regardless of Last Week Tonight‘s fame for “deep dives”, John does not wish to dive into it.

      John: There’s so much to unpack there, however I’m not going to as a result of I do not suppose it ought to be unpacked. It’s like providing to assist a pal transfer, and all of the bins are labelled “dead spiders for mom”. You may unpack them, however it is perhaps higher to simply burn the entire place down and by no means converse of it once more.

    • Clips from one other actuality present, Gogglebox (which present individuals’s reactions to what they’re watching on TV), exhibits that many individuals are confused and scared by Brexit. One specific clip has a person, in response to the fixed Brexit masking, quoting a mug he noticed (which learn “New Day, Same Shit”), to the annoyance of his swearing-hating spouse, and the person justifying it by having been on the mug. John then jokes that the person locations the blame for all his unhealthy choices on mugs.

      John: (as the person) Another mug I noticed mentioned, “I think this marriage just isn’t working”. It’s not my fault, Mary, it was on the mug!

    • When discussing the European boy band “Breunion Boys” and their songs devoted in direction of making an attempt to persuade Britain to remain within the EU, John states that their music is a motive in and of itself to go away.
    • When a person whose enterprise is constructed round transporting flowers between Britain and Europe complains about how Brexit may critically negatively impression his enterprise, John warns that there should not be any sympathy for the person, as the remainder of his interview reveals that he voted for Brexit, as a result of he did not cease to consider the potential penalties.
    • Once once more, John notes that when the present airs in Britain, they will not have the ability to use a part of the story as a result of it makes use of a clip from proceedings in Parliament. So, John offers British viewers with one other clip… from an 80s Chippendales train video, with no context in anyway, after a newscaster says that that is the footage of the significant vote’s outcome being introduced.
    • The pseudo-Churchillian Rousing Speech on the finish.
  • When Mark Harris dismisses his son’s feedback in regards to the scandal surrounding his supposed election fraud as “a touch of aggression”, John says that seems like title for a restaurant owned by Alec Baldwin, whereby waiters scream the menu at you after which punch you within the face.
  • Going right into a story about celeb psychics, John outright admits that he would not consider in psychics and is not going to faux in any other case.
  • Once once more, John has Gilbert Gottfried dub over a video clip of Jared Kushner talking.

    John: Look, I do not know when this joke goes to cease being humorous, however it’s not fucking now, and it most likely will not be subsequent time!

  • On “Automation”:
    • John spending a minute and a half mispronouncing varied international locations after studying Trump’s nicknamed Nepal and Bhutan “Nipple” and “Button” respectively.
    • John’s response to previous commercials calling machines “mechanical slaves”:

      John: (in an exaggerated British accent) Slaves slaves slaves! Oh, how I’ve missed them! Yes! Mechanical slaves! If you shut your eyes, you possibly can overlook that they are mechanical!

    • Bringing up a narrative of a robotic that was despatched hitch-hiking throughout the US, and the way it was destroyed in Philadelphia. The robotic’s creators write it off as saying it may’ve occurred anyplace, however John instantly calls bullshit…
  • On Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro tweeting a video of a golden bathe:
    • John finds out that one information report about it, understandably, would not present the video in query, however John is indignant.
      John: Oh, you are not, are you? Well, guess what? We’re not afraid, we are going to indicate it to you, [audience wildly cheers] besides in fact we’re not; what are you cheering for?! This is HBO! This firm would not present debaucherous intercourse for the hell of it, until a dragon can be there to make it okay, that’s the clear rule.
    • John notes that within the tweet posting the video, Bolsonaro mentioned “Comment and draw your conclusions.” John is very happy to oblige.

      John: My remark is “What the fuck are you doing?”, and my conclusion is you are a horrible President.

    • John speculates that Bolsonaro posted the video, which Bolsonaro claimed confirmed the debauchery of Carnival, as a result of the Carnival of that 12 months roasted him, finest exemplified by how a large puppet of Bolsonaro at a parade acquired pelted, which John notes is kind of outstanding contemplating that there was additionally a large puppet of Michael Jackson.Explanation 

      John: How a lot effort should have gone into that puppet that they nonetheless introduced it out after the documentary? “Look, I’ve already sunk weeks into this, and to be fair, the documentary doesn’t really tell us anything that as a society we haven’t been fully aware of and willfully repressing since 1993, so if you’re getting angry about it now, you’re either disingenuously riding in the current social wave or you’re incredibly fucking naive— Carnival!”

  • The fundamental phase on robocalls:
    • While examples of the robocalls themselves that play to start with aren’t humorous there may be one which stands out due to an ungainly pause.

      Robocall: The motive of this name is to tell you that the IRS is submitting a lawsuit in opposition to (beat) you.
      John: Ohh, it is a pause in that final one which made it an actual cliffhanger! I imply you principally knew the place it was going however there was a tantalizing likelihood to tell you that the IRS is submitting a lawsuit in opposition to (beat) Nicholas Cage.

    • The two clips that show spoofing (robocalling an individual beneath the title of any person they know). One of them is Susan Collins having somebody from her employees name her from throughout the identical room they have been in beneath the guise of the IRS. John then calls Susan Collins a correct illustration of robocalls by pretending to be one thing whereas we get upset that she is one thing else.
    • Another clip is of a safety knowledgeable named Jim Stickley who calls Jeff Rosen’s mom from the latter’s personal telephone asking for her social safety quantity. The unsuspecting mom freely provides it, eliciting a Face Palm from Jeff, and inflicting the video to get an extended “bleep” to censor the quantity. John then jokes that the rationale the quantity was bleeped out wasn’t to guard her id, however as a result of the social safety quantity was truly “fuck shit fuck cock twat taint jizz shit tits”
    • Another clip exhibits a caller messing round with a robocaller by making an attempt to get her to simply admit to him that she’s not a robotic a number of instances (with every time shrugging the request off by continuously stating “I am a real person/this is a live person” and awkwardly laughing earlier than saying it (with the clip slicing off on the identical awkward snicker).
    • John brings up how the one method to contact the FCC in order that an individual can have themselves faraway from all robocall lists (versus simply all gross sales calls that the official “do not call” registry is for) is to ship a letter to a PO field. This leads into an epic rant the place John goes on about how inconvenient the method of mailing letters is within the modern-day (having to search out and purchase stamps, then discover one among an more and more uncommon variety of mail bins to make use of), culminating in him saying he’d somewhat be useless than having to take care of all that.
    • A clip of Ajit Pai is proven the place he condemns robocalls and delivers a speech about preventing them, just for him to reply his telephone in the course of it and announce to everybody that he received a cruise and leaves to take the decision. John’s preliminary response (doing a muffled sound, as if making an attempt to muster a mock-laughter however giving up midway by means of) is hilarious in itself, however his followup is even higher:
      John: Ladies and gents, that man is a goober. And Ajit Pai clearly has aspirations for increased political workplace, however I’ll argue that that is not gonna work out for him, as a result of Americans can, have and can elect bastards, [shows a picture of Andrew Jackson] morons, [shows a picture of Warren Harding] blowhards, [shows a picture of Lyndon Johnson] crooks, [shows a picture of Richard Nixon] perverts, [shows a picture of Bill Clinton] dipshits, [shows a picture of George W. Bush] con males, [shows a picture of Donald Trump] scumbags, [shows another picture of Donald Trump] and shitweasels, [shows yet another picture of Donald Trump] however they’ll by no means, ever elect… a goober.
    • True to his custom with bombarding the FCC with complaints in protest of any controversy on their half or lack of motion on points, this time John data his personal robocall and sends it out to the highest individuals of the FCC (which solely took Last Week Tonight’s tech man fifteen minutes to take action. The name goes as adopted:

      Robo!John: Hi FCC. This is John from customer support. Congratulations! You simply received an opportunity to decrease robocalls in America at the moment. (monotone snicker) Sorry, however I’m a dwell individual! Robocalls are extraordinarily annoying and the one one who may cease them is (beat) you! Talk to you once more in ninety minutes! Here’s some bagpipe music. (bagpipe music performs)

    • John tells the FCC that if they need the robocalls to cease all they should do is look by means of their phrases and circumstances which are hidden inside the first chapter of Moby Dick.
    • At the top of the phase, he pulls out a large pink button that he states will not begin the robocalls to the FCC, as a result of that is simply not epic sufficient and everyone seems to be anticipating it. What it will do is trigger a large finger on his set to push a big pink button to begin the robocalls to the FCC.
  • In his phase on “Public Shaming”
    • John brings up the general public outrage over Tucker Carlson’s racist feedback, citing hashtags corresponding to #BoycottTuckerCarlson, #FireTuckerCarlson, and #TuckerCarlsonFucksHisRoomba.
    • In response to Jay Leno having mentioned across the time the episode aired that he wished “civility” may return to late night time exhibits due to their fixed point out of politics and politic scandals, John exhibits a montage of clips of Leno from his Tonight Show years displaying how in the course of the Lewinsky scandal Leno was no higher himself, saying relentless Slut-Shaming jokes in opposition to Monica Lewinsky. To cap it off, in response to one of many jokes being Leno selling a e book about her known as “The Slut in the Hat”, John recommends one other e book to him, “Oh The Places You Can Go Fuck Yourself, Jay Leno!”.
  • John discusses how, in the course of the affirmation hearings of Dave Bernhardt to be the subsequent Secretary of the Interior, a protester drew consideration to the truth that he was a former oil lobbyist by placing on a swamp creature masks (and that as much as an hour later, the protester was nonetheless there).
    John: It is fairly humorous, though I’d not be doing my job if I did not level out that this [shows a picture of Swamp Thing] is a swamp creature, and technically what she’s sporting is a lagoon creature masks; that distinction may not imply a lot to you, however within the gross aquatic goblin communities, complicated the 2 is definitely fairly racist.
  • The phase on WWE:
    • John introduces the phase by describing Professional Wrestling as “literally the only good excuse to wear a onesie.”

      John: And that is proper infants, you are not pulling it off; placed on some denims and a button-down like a fucking individual!

    • John mentions how the corporate was as soon as known as WWF till they misplaced a go well with with the World Wildlife Fund, which he credit was “thanks to that fund’s powerful team of Panda lawyers.”
    • John admits he legitimately likes skilled wrestling, together with displaying a phase from WrestleMania 22 the place Edge places Mick Foley by means of a flaming desk. However, when announcer Joey Styles says “what’s gonna happen?” John chimes in “what was he expecting to happen!?”

      John: [imitating an announcer] “Oh, the table’s on fire, oh my God, here comes a Hibachi chef and he’s making one of those onion volcanoes on the table! Now he’s doing indoor s’mores— OH MY GAWD!!!

    • John notes that amongst WWE’s endeavors is its personal movie studio, WWE Studios, which produced The Scorpion King, Walking Tall, The Marine movie collection, “and of course, Lincoln.”
    • John mentions that WrestleMania is taken into account one of the precious sports activities manufacturers on the earth, even surpassing the World Series.observe  John can see why:
      John: It truly is sensible when you consider it, as a result of whereas the World Series is usually spent watching a millionaire in a button-down take into consideration whether or not or to not throw a ball, WrestleMania entails issues like this:
      [shows a clip of Shane McMahon throwing himself from the top of the Hell in a Cell structure and into a announcer’s table at WrestleMania 32]
      John: [ecstatic] Are you not entertained?!
      • John even provides that no different TV present may high that, so he states that each different TV present needs to be known as “Unfortunately Not a Guy Exploding Through a Table” earlier than stating that his present needs to be included, earlier than displaying a graphic for Unfortunately Not a Guy Exploding Through a Table with John Oliver.
    • When John goes by means of experiences of wrestlers who died earlier than the age of 65, John significantly zones in on Fox & Friends mentioning King Kong Bundy’s demise, and Brian Kilmeade mentioning an anecdote about Bundy lifting him.

      John: Wow, that could be a harrowing assertion there from Brian Kilmeade, solely barely dampened by his childlike surprise at how excessive the massive man lifted him, and the way did that even occur? Did Bundy provide him? Did Kilmeade ask? Honestly, I would not actually be shocked if one among his inventory interview questions is “Up, up, horsey ride!”

    • John exhibits a graphic displaying the demise price of the inhabitants as an entire, former NFL gamers, and wrestlers, and whereas the primary two are across the identical degree, the wrestlers’ degree is significantly increased than the 2. John says that one would anticipate such a excessive demise price for “Test pilots who lied on their resume” or “Zookeepers who aren’t just going to let some fucking baboon screech at them like that.”

      John: Hey, hey! Enough sass-mouth there, buddy! Put some respect on my title!

    • John introduces Vince McMahon by displaying a shirtless, musclebound image of him, which John says he took for a health journal, which John says it is known as “Scary Grandpa Who Looks Like A Big, Bumpy Hotdog Quarterly”.
    • John mentions how wrestling was initially splintered into territories across the nation, displaying a montage of their respective announcers greeting their viewers, which ends with Jim Ross in a tuxedo… proper subsequent to Michael Hayes with a pink waistcoat with no shirt, flexing his muscle mass and mugging to the digital camera.
      John: Look, I get that wrestling is all about spectacle and pageantry, however a tuxedo, Jim? A tuxedo? Tone it down a notch, you are not at a fucking gala. Michael: As regular, no notes; you look nice, hold residing your fact.
      • Because of all these territories and completely different organizations, it was initially alright for wrestlers to be thought-about “independent contractors” versus staff since that they had a alternative about who to work for and when, however now that the WWE has successfully monopolized the business and put all their wrestlers beneath unique contracts, John says that calling wrestlers “independent contractors” is about as correct as calling Jimmy Carter “a panty-dropping fuck-machine”.
        John: It’s simply clearly not true… any extra.
    • John states that, since McMahon is an energetic character on his firm, that offers a chance for Catharsis Factor when speaking about him, as he has taken plenty of in-ring abuse. This turns into a Running Gag by means of the remainder of the phase as he exhibits McMahon getting beat up by his wrestlers.
      • After John exhibits The Rock hitting McMahon within the head with a trash can lid:

        John: [with a face of satisfaction] Wrestling’s good, it is simply excellent.

      • After displaying Shawn Michaels superkicking McMahon, then teasing a strip-tease (which truly elicits cheers from John’s viewers!):

        John: [again with a face of satisfaction] Wrestling is healthier than the belongings you like.

      • After displaying “Stone Cold” Steve Austin hitting McMahon with a bedpan:
      • After displaying McMahon get shoved face-first into the ass of Rikishi.

        John: You know, the reassuring factor there may be: You can pretend being kicked within the face, or hit within the head with a bedpan, however there isn’t a faking that.

    • After going by means of wrestlers who’ve accused the corporate of malpractice relating to well being insurance, he mentions CM Punk’s claims that they solely gave him Z-Pak to the purpose that he shat his pants on an episode of SmackDown, and that he tweeted afterwards “Just shit my britches on smackdown. Please RT.” John calls it “the best tweet ever written.”

      John: Seriously, you attempt to consider a greater tweet proper now. Have you bought one? Does it say “Shit my britches. Please retweet.”? Then it isn’t higher, is it? Stand down!

    • John notes that a method that may assistance is fan response, which had beforehand criticized the corporate for its therapy of their feminine wrestlers and its dealings with Saudi Arabia for his or her Crown Jewel occasion, placing for instance the vocal unfavorable response followers give Roman Reigns, who the corporate tried to advertise as a Face, at one level even booing him for eight minutes.

      John: And you may suppose that is harsh, however I’d argue that that was the one rational response to somebody with completely moist hair. How may it at all times be moist? You appear to be a pedophile out for a jog! Boo! Boo!

  • The episode on cellular houses:
  • When returning to the opioid epidemic, quotes by pharma king Richard Sackler are given to Michael Keaton (“intimidating heir who doesn’t like the spotlight”), Bryan Cranston (fiction’s finest identified drug vendor), Michael Okay. Williams who performed Omar from The Wire (one other drug vendor) and Richard Kind (to clarify Sackler mentioned “I don’t know” a number of instances in a deposition to the purpose he deserves to be mocked, and after noting that the three earlier actors are all cool whereas Sackler seems to be fairly like a dork).
    • “Chijohn’s Journey” is each hilarious and heartwarming.
  • When discussing Australian politician Clive Palmer, John notes how he is principally simply copying Trump’s marketing campaign techniques. He significantly pokes enjoyable at how Palmer is working on a slogan of “Make Australia Great”, saying that when it is missing the “Again” it is comes off as fairly insulting to the nation.
    • John additionally brings up how Palmer is setting up a duplicate of the Titanic known as Titanic II, and lists all of the issues incorrect with that concept: the title is simply too simplistic, particularly since the true Titanic’s precise sister ships had higher ones; the title Titanic is synonymous solely with measurement and sinking, however there are bigger fashionable cruise liners, so now it simply invokes sinking; and all of Palmer’s discuss of reliving the spirit of Jack and Rose is nonsense since they weren’t actual individuals.
  • Lethal Injection:
  • Green New Deal:
    • After explaining that Ocasio-Cortez’ concept has benefit, John goes right into a very lengthy tangent evaluating the problem of local weather change to having to flee England since you’d fallen in love with a mob boss’ spouse.
      John: And it is sort of a life, I suppose – eking out a residing studying off stats and jokes as soon as per week on premium cable, however not an evening goes by that you do not dream of the white Sardinian sands, and the tender lips… of Isabella. (Beat as an acoustic guitar performs) …Just an instance.
    • He then brings on Bill Nye to show how a carbon tax would work. He’s unimpressed with Bill’s first, dry clarification, so John requests that he jazz it up whereas explaining the long-term ramifications. Bill explains the ramifications earlier than launching into this.
      Bill Nye: And as a result of for some motive, John, you are a 42-year-old man who wants his consideration sustained with tips, this is some fucking Mentos, and a bottle of Diet Coke. Happy now?!
      John: (Bouncing in his seat with pleasure) Yes I’m comfortable!
    • He brings Bill on one final time to sum up the brief, so Bill brings out a globe, a propane torch, and several other methods to extinguish a fireplace. He then units the globe on fireplace and says whereas he may simply put it out, in the true world the issue is rather more difficult and can price cash. He settles for making an attempt to blow out the fireplace like a candle, fails, then provides up and lets it burn. Poor Bill simply sounds at his wit’s finish when explaining the results of worldwide warming. After he storms off…
  • John opens the story about medical gadgets by first speaking about how a lot good they typically do, together with a information story a few aged girl whose hip substitute permits her to take lead in a senior citizen dance group known as “Moms In Da Hood”. John then messes with the viewers by pretending that the group are making a visitor look, solely to shortly reveal they are not.
  • The 2019 UK Conservative Party management election.
    • At the beginning of the phase, when mentioning Theresa May’s pending resignation, John once more performs clips from Gogglebox, that British actuality present that exhibits precise footage of individuals’s reactions to what they see on TV, now about May’s resignation. One particularly has a lady saying that she has no sympathy for May as a result of she had three years to work on Brexit solely to “fuck it up” and get it “gloriously wrong”. In response to that final remark, John exhibits one thing that he says actually is gloriously incorrect, particularly all of the fireworks at a deliberate 45 minute present all going off directly.
    • When discussing main candidate Boris Johnson, John brings up varied feedback made about him by different British politicians, together with one that really known as him “fucking stupid”. Also he performs a clip of Johnson tackling a toddler throughout a publicity stunt rugby sport.
    • Another candidate, Michael Grove, is famous to have claimed to like rap. Yet a clip exhibits that in an look at a college, his response to a toddler asking him what rappers he likes is to cite lyrics from Wham!. To which John waits a beat earlier than saying “fresh” (in the identical means he normally says “cool” each time displaying somebody appearing Totally Radical).
    • When discussing one other candidate Rory Stewart, John notes that he too has been accused of tackling a toddler throughout a sports activities sport (particularly a younger Prince Harry). But then John notes that within the clip of mentioned incident, the one who tackles Harry is blonde, whereas Rory is brunette. This results in what John calls the “Second Rory Theory.” (“It’s a bit difficult to explain, and I don’t have time to get into it now, but basically: we think there’s a second Rory.”) This results in a 5 minute gag of John going over the footage with all of the depth of a Conspiracy Theorist discussing the Kennedy assassination, noting that there are literally three individuals within the footage who is perhaps younger Rory. He in the end decides, that almost certainly, Rory is the one who truly would not do something to manhandle Harry, with John deciding that Rory has been permitting these accusations to persist as a result of (going by the actions of the opposite candidates and previous Prime Ministers) the almost certainly method to turn into Prime Minister is to be bizarre round kids.
  • The ERA:
  • John’s (infinitely extra moral) answer to the issues mentioned within the Mount Everest episode is solely to allow individuals to pander on social media, simply by creating pretend images of the summit.
    • John exhibits off his personal pretend summit the top, bragging about how he is the primary British man with glasses in a navy go well with to climb Mount Everest and shoos away the sherpa serving to him.
    • In one clip, a white vacationer on an Everest expedition questions the morality of the vacationers being there to one of many sherpas. The vacationer is relieved with the sherpa’s reply of “we’re all a big family” as an alternative of “just sherpa and client” and the 2 males hug. John reminds him that the connection is simply sherpa and shopper and calls the hug “a man squeezing the white guilt out of another man”.
    • In response to the truth that nearly all of individuals going to Everest aren’t actually mountain-climbing fanatics and are actually simply enthusiastic about getting bragging rights and funky photos, John means that they as an alternative go to Makalu, the world’s ninth-largest mountain. He then states that he made up such a mountain, solely to then double again and say that it’s actual however is definitely the fifth-tallest, and in addition that the image he is been utilizing is the view from Everest, not Makalu. All to make a degree about most individuals’s common information about mountains.
    • When it is talked about that one one who climbed Everest did so in an effort to make the world’s highest telephone name, John says that he hopes the man wasn’t utilizing AT&T or the decision would not undergo. He then takes a second to provide a really heartfelt apology to “business daddy” about all of the jokes, as a result of he does really feel that they’ve a real connection… after which says that he is glad that connection’s not on their community, or it would be dropped by now. The digital camera then pulls again as confetti cannons go off, John celebrating that he managed to zing AT&T twice in such a brief period of time.
  • On Jared Kushner’s Middle East peace plan:
    • After John exhibits a clip of Trump expressing his belief on Jared brokering a peace deal:

      John: Of couse he’s! Jared’s racked up a powerful record of accomplisments in his 38 years on Earth, from having a really clean shiny face to finish of record.

    • When John goes to indicate a clip of Jared speaking, he once more exhibits a clip of Gilbert Gottfried dubbing him over as an alternative:
      John: The man is a once-in-a-generation orator, he is like Cicero reincarnated as a rubbish disposal…
    • Then the clip of Jared truly explaining his plan is proven, the place he says that it requires individuals on the Middle East to cease “doing terrorism.” John’s response speaks for itself:

      John: Yes, after years of occupied with it, Jared’s arrived on the conclusion that the Middle East could be higher off if individuals stopped “doing terrorism.” Just take into consideration the chain of occasions that led him to that second: Jared had that concept, “not doing terrorism” and thought, “That’s an awesome point, I’m gonna write that down.” So he did, after which he went to sleep, exhausted by the thought. He awakened subsequent morning, learn what he’d written, and he was like, “Yep, nailed it, I’m a good boy!” Then he mentioned that time, unembarrassed, out loud in entrance of precise human beings.

  • From the Warehouses phase:
    • The clip opens up with a lady discussing the comfort of ordering on Amazon Prime.

      John: Now I do know she may sound lazy there, however you merely cannot blame Ashlyn Aardema. She spent all her life at the start of each alphabetical record, she’s by no means needed to look ahead to something!

    • This commentary on Amazon’s video making an attempt to painting their warehouses as humorous, breezy workplaces:

      Narrator: Finally, Jackie provides each field an extended and loving hug earlier than loading it onto a truck.
      Jackie: No, I do not.
      Narrator: Oh. Maybe simply this one?
      Jackie: Okay.
      (Jackie hugs the field and small drawn hearts pops out)
      Narrator: Aw! You find it irresistible.
      John: Hold on! Hold on! Saying “You love it,” after coercing her into hugging a field is gross! And it is frankly telling that on YouTube, and that is true, feedback are disabled for that video. Presumably as a result of Amazon knew that the one affordable response to that is “Fuck everything about this!”

    • When discussing a narrative of a girls dying in a warehouse after being denied a break, two very completely different testimonies are mentioned: the warehouse firm adamantly contradicting witness accounts whereas refusing at hand over any experiences that LWT requested (revealing that they by no means even wrote them), and an off-the-cuff however simple Facebook publish about staff being pressured to nonetheless work whilst a useless physique laid on the bottom. John legally cannot say that he believes the Facebook publish as a result of a minimum of it recorded one thing of the occasion. He actually actually needs to say that, however he isn’t allowed to so he isn’t going to say what he is mentioned thrice already.
    • At the top, the present does a parody of Amazon’s video:
      Narrator: Every day, 1000’s of issues arrive and Sean goes to search out them! Tell us about your self, Sean.
      Sean: I decide up merchandise, and I’m a horrible dancer.
      Narrator: Oh, that is enjoyable! Can we see some strikes?
      Sean: (reluctant) Oh… I’ve already walked 12 miles at the moment…
      Narrator: (with greater than a touch of a risk in his voice) I mentioned “dance”!
      (a clearly unwilling Sean begins dancing awkwardly, out of the blue one among his knees makes a cracking sound)
      Sean: Ah! Fuck! Shit! Ah!

      Narrator: Lisa right here packs your stuff in bins. Don’t you, Lisa?
      Lisa: Can’t discuss now! I’m working behind on my “units per hour”!
      Narrator: Aw, it is okay. Tell us a little bit about your self. Liz.
      Lisa: (stops packing) I’m a mother. Got two youngsters. I do not see them as a lot as I like—
      Lisa: (frantically begins packing once more) Shit!
      Narrator: Faster! Faster! FASTER!
      Lisa: Oh, fuck you!
      Narrator: NO, FUCK YOU!

      Narrator: And lastly, Jackie hugs each field.
      Jackie: No, I do not.
      Narrator: Aw, possibly simply this one?
      Jackie: Okay.
      Narrator: (threatening-sounding) Because lots of people need this job.
      Jackie: (nervously) Okay…?
      Narrator: (chipper-sounding once more) One day a robotic will hug bins, and we’ll be finished with this complete charade!
      Jackie: (resigned) Yeah… I get it…
      Narrator: (again to threatening-sounding) But till then: Hug the field, Jackie.
      Jackie: (now scared) Okay. Um…
      (Jackie reluctantly provides the field a quick, awkward hug and small drawn hearts pops out)
      Narrator: Good. Now, kiss it.
      Jackie: (about to cry) I do not wish to!
      Narrator: Kiss the field.

  • On UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson:
    • When John explains that Johnson’s bumbling persona is mostly a well-cultivated picture which helps him get better following controversies and scandals, he provides that this disproves the similarities to Trump, because it’s unattainable to think about Trump having that very same diploma of self-awareness.

      John: (impersonating Trump) Look, with “covfefe”, the tactic was to current myself as a sort of sub-literate clown and to distract you from the truth that I’m a mound of pores and skin tautly stretched throughout the howling chasm of the house the place a soul needs to be.

    • John’s comment after Johnson notes that ping pong was initially often known as “whiff waff”, and was invented on an English eating desk:

      John: The French appeared on the eating desk as a canvas upon which to create distinctive delicacies, whereas the British noticed a method to principally invent mouse tennis!

    • John recollects how as a younger journalist, Johnson was fired by Times of London for utterly making up a quote:

      John: His editor claims that Johnson “was the single worst employee he’s ever had” and “skipped many work days to hang out with his best friend, Jeffrey Epstein”. Which is horrible! It’s not true, I made that quote up! But now you possibly can see how straightforward it’s to manufacture them!

    • After displaying a video of Johnson stating that he would accuse the EU of waging a conflict on something, together with “prawn cocktail crisps”, John notes that it is an actual snack, which occurred “when a country forgoes food in favour of playing whiff waff”.
    • John later tastes some prawn cocktail crisps, gagging and saying that “It’s like eating a cremated mermaid, but in a bad way!”
    • After a clip of Johnson insulting Muslim girls:

      John: That is an appalling remark that leaves a disgusting style in your mouth…..very similar to the shrimp crisp crusts that has very a lot voted to stay on my fucking tongue!

    • A BBC Newsnight reporter has some slicing phrases for Johnson:

      Reporter: I’ve spoken to at least one determine, who mentioned that working with Boris Johnson is like strolling a couple of toes behind a horse shoveling its shit.

    • Oliver sums up Johnson by evaluating seeing Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral vs having him in United 93. Oliver’s re-enactment on what that may appear to be being priceless.
    • In a Meta sense, the present obtained some backlash from British followers…..because of John’s mockery of the prawn cocktail crisps.
  • On Prison Labor:
    • John opens the phase with a really poorly aged clip from a once-beloved kids’s entertainer explaining what jail is.
      Bill Cosby: All these people who find themselves in jail proper now have been youngsters as soon as identical to you. (lower) And then someplace alongside the way in which they did one thing incorrect, one thing dumb. (lower) Whatever it was, it most likely began small, turned larger, possibly they even acquired away with it at first and thought they’d by no means caught. But they have been incorrect. Now, they’re in jail.
      John: Yes, they’re! It’s virtually like they ought to’ve actually seen this coming.
    • John factors out how the state of California employed some prisoners to assist with the firefighting effort in the course of the nice forest fires, but in addition how, when mentioned prisoners’ phrases are up, they aren’t allowed to make use of these abilities they discovered in civilian life, as a result of California works beneath a legislation that bars individuals with a legal document from working in emergency companies.
      John: Which signifies that being a firefighter in jail, just isn’t not like being an Art History Major in school. It possibly be enjoyable whilst you’re in there, however you are not going to be doing it when you get out! Do you hear that, Vessali? You’re going to work in human sources. You’re going to have a favourite espresso mug and a throw pillow that claims “It’s Wine’O Clock Somewhere!” And you are going to stare out the window, craving for the candy launch of demise. Just. Like. Everybody. Else!
  • On President of Turkmenistan Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov:
    • In response to a hearsay that Berdimuhamedov had died, the Turkmenistan authorities aired clips of Berdimuhamedov doing sure actions…very bodily actions, with the movies being shot in a means that it could not be confirmed that Berdimuhamedov truly did them, and in just about all circumstances being clearly edited. Including doing donuts round a flaming crater. Seriously.
    • Responding to “Sportly Turkmenistan” (a music in regards to the significance of sports activities Berdimuhamedov recorded along with his grandson) with a deadpan “Fire.”
    • John truly would not begrudge Berdimuhamedov for his weird obsession with Turkmenistan’s nationwide horse, the Akhal-Teke, explaining that whereas he himself would not wish to fuck horses, if he have been a horse, he’d completely be down for fucking an Akhal-Teke.
    • Playing a clip of Berdimuhamedov faceplanting throughout a horse race, noting he most likely finds it very embarrassing and would like individuals see it as little as potential, then taking part in it twice extra, as soon as with a closeup.
    • And the piece de resistance – making a world record-breaking cake showcasing that specific picture.
  • On Bias in Medicine:
    • As an instance of gender bias in drugs, a clip is performed of Katherine Leon, a lady with coronary heart issues, being denied medical consideration and advised to “Go home”. John has this to say in response.

      John: Wow, that physician managed to search out actually the one time through which telling somebody to go house is unhealthy recommendation. Cause, having a foul day at work? Just go house! At a celebration, caught to a man who needs to speak about bitcoin? Go house! You’re on second, and your buddy grounds a single into left subject, the outfielder picks it up and throws it to first as you spherical third however you notice he is overthrown? Go house! Go house!

    • Talking a few documentary’s jarring comparability of 83,000 extra deaths within the black neighborhood to an airliner falling out of the sky every day for a 12 months —
      John: You need not take a quantity that is already a catastrophe and put it when it comes to one other catastrophe. 83,000 deaths is like 4 double-decker buses driving into one another each six hours. It’s thirty-two hot-air balloons exploding each minute for per week. It’s the demise of Princess Diana 83,000 instances.
    • On racial bias, the racist perception that black sufferers are drug sellers had prompted a black girl with Lupus to turn into afraid of visiting the physician, and John sympathizes.

      John: Of course you would be frightened to go to the physician if you happen to really feel they deal with you want a drug vendor. I’m fearful of them, and the worst factor medical doctors ever say to me is ‘Mr. Oliver, you are 42, and you must now not must be bribed with a lollipop to get a flu shot’. But I need one! I desire a wowwipop. I’ve been very courageous, give me a wowwipop.

    • A clip of some Wanda Sykes rise up performs for instance of racial bias the place she talks about how black individuals don’t get prescribed opioids by medical doctors, solely “ibu-fucking-profen”. The episode ends with Wanda Sykes coming in, shooing John out of his chair and ending up he episode. When discussing adjustments that have to be made to inaccurate medical data within the medical subject, Wanda proposes an answer to individuals at the moment going through medical bias: convey a white man to explain your issues to the physician, which is proven in an app through which Larry David does that.
  • On the phase about Brexit negotiations beneath Boris Johnson:
    • John begins describing Johnson as, “If you want to make one at home, the recipe is simply: Boil one clown.”
    • When displaying a video of Johnson’s parliament defeat, a person may be heard shouting within the video “Not a good start, Boris!” At the top of the phase, he states that is a great way of summing it up all.
    • John notes that the scenario was so chaotic that one report acknowledged that an modification was handed by chance. He compares that with by chance shaving Henry Winkler’s face into the fur of a moose.

      John: What the fuck was occurring in your life, that that might occur inadvertently?!

    • John performs a clip of the Speaker of the House of Commons John Bercow admonishing one Member of Parliament by yelling at him “Be a good boy!” John muses that “if he’s gonna speak to a British lawmaker like he’s talking to a dog, I really hope he also speaks to dogs like he’s addressing British lawmakers.”

      John: [imitating Bercow] Would the Right Honourable gentleman Mr. Waggles please end licking his ballsack? OR-DEHR! OR-DEHR! Very impolite!

    • John as soon as once more reminds the viewers that within the UK, Parliament footage cannot be proven on a comedy present, so this time, it’s changed with an Irish Catholic intercourse ed video from the Eighties, that includes an elder girl being amazed at how God made the vagina, particularly how “slippery” it’s.

      John: I do know, I do know: Hawt, proper? It’s genuinely tough to resolve which a part of that’s the most horny: The reference to God, the uninterrupted eye contact, or absolutely the dream of listening to her say the phrase, “slippery”. It all works for me, it is all good for me.

    • John notes that even Boris’s personal brother, Jo Johnson, renounced to his authorities publish, stating on Twitter that he was “torn between family loyalty and the national interest”, and ending the tweet with “#overandout”. John cannot resolve which is worse: The man saying that staying along with his brother compromised nationwide curiosity, or ending mentioned assertion with a hashtag. John finally suggests different hashtags that includes combos of “#BoJo” (one among Boris’s nicknames) and “#JoJo”, earlier than ending with simply “#HotterBrotherWiselyAbandonsSloppyIdiot”
    • John reacts to the exasperated response of a bespectacled English commentator with bangs in regards to the situation by saying, “English me is true.observe  He missed the memo about dropping the bangs, however he is proper.”
  • On Filibusters:
  • On Legal Immigration:
    • John opens the phase by describing immigration because the factor that introduced America Albert Einstein, Yo-Yo Ma, and himself. He then notes “And obviously, fuck, marry, kill, respectively”.
    • A clip displaying politicians speaking about immigration ends with Ted Cruz. John seamlessly does a Call-Back to the Green Eggs and Ham bit from the earlier episode:

      John: I don’t like that man Ted Cruz. I don’t like him within the information. I don’t like what he simply mentioned. I don’t like his boxy head. I don’t like him sporting glasses. I don’t like him kissing asses. I want he’d by no means get one vote. That man Ted Cruz can lick my scrote.

    • Also, describing his personal present as “Sad Zazu’s Mildly Interesting Explain Train” and the Running Gag of Emily Dickinson’s poem about Death having a giant, fats dick. (It Makes Sense in Context.)
    • While Trump ranted on “chain migration” and talked about he needs to chop greencard sponsorships to simply spouses and youngsters, it is revealed proper after that Melania’s dad and mom turned naturalized US residents by means of their daughter’s sponsorship. John factors out each the blatant hypocrisy within the scenario, in addition to Trump’s mom in legislation being just one 12 months older than him.
    • John explains the various kinds of visas persons are allowed to come back to the US beneath, together with his personal, the 0-1 visa, “For persons with extraordinary ability in… arts.” The viewers cheers him on for it:

      John: I do know what you are all considering deep down, and FUCK YOU!

    • After detailing how a lot the Trump administration has slashed the variety of refugees allowed to enter the nation a 12 months, John jokingly means that by 2020 it’s going to be diminished to at least one. The hypothetical lone refugee is a younger Middle Eastern man named Zaid. At which level, Trump’s new slogan and message used at his rallies shall be “Get Rid of Zaid”.
  • On the impeachment inquiry in opposition to Donald Trump (aka Stupid Watergate II)
    • When displaying a information clip discussing the rationale for the impeachment inquiry, the decision Trump made to the Ukrainian President asking him to analyze Joe Biden and his son Hunter, and mentioned information clip reporting that Trump insisted eight instances on the investigation in the course of the name, John says that “the only time it makes sens to ask for the same thing eight times in a single phone call is if you’re trying to connect with the customer service agent for AT&T!”

      John: BOOM! I acquired you, enterprise daddy, I acquired you! You genuinely unhealthy firm!

    • John notes how the present used to name Trump’s Russia scandal “Stupid Watergate”, which signifies that they needed to search for a brand new title for this scandal. He notes that they thought-about “Stupid Watergate II: Look Who’s Stupid Now (The Same Guy)”, “S2pid Watergate”, and “sTWOpid Watergate”, earlier than setting on “Stupid Watergate II: The Stupidest Watergate.”
    • When noting how Trump talked about each Attorney General William Barr and Trump’s private lawyer Rudy Giuliani on the decision, John notes how he talked about “someone so involved in the government they should be nowhere near this kind of petty dirt” (Attorney General Barr) and “someone so involved in petty dirt they should be nowhere near the government” (Giuliani).
    • When noting that the transcripts of the decision have been saved in a server destined to high secret data, John compares it with having a folder studying “Finance Records”, whereas displaying such a folder onscreen. A mouse arrow then seems closing in on the folder, to which John pleads to not click on on it. It does, anyway, revealing that the folder incorporates photos of hamsters in speedos.

      John: OK OK OK, this is what that’s: Yes, you’ve discovered my assortment of hamsters in little speedos; it isn’t a intercourse factor… I imply, that could be a little bit of a intercourse factor, however we do not have time— we do not have time to get into it!

    • When discussing the President of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelensky, John notes that he’s a comic who performed the President of Ukraine in a sitcom. But John additionally mentions an previous, less-known comedy routine of his through which he and one other man pretended to play the piano with their penises.

      John: Yep, he performed the piano along with his dick. And simply spare a thought for the man subsequent to him who did that and one way or the other did not get elected President of Ukraine! Just a few years later he is caught taking part in dick music alone in an open mic within the basement of a Chinese restaurant; present enterprise is merciless!

    • When John mentions Rudy Giuliani, he as soon as once more mentions (very similar to he did on the episode devoted to him) that he was as soon as married to his second cousin.

      John: Now, is that time strictly related right here? No, however I’d argue that, like Giuliani and his first spouse, it’s not unrelated.

    • John experiences how throughout a telephone name with a reporter, Giuliani was reported to say, “It is impossible that the whistleblower is the hero and I’m not. And I will be the hero!” (to which John responds with a sing-song-y “No-you-will-not-be”), earlier than saying that the most effective case state of affairs for him is to turn into one of many individuals of The Masked Singer.

      John: People will briefly not know that you’re Rudy Giuliani, and you’ll practically be the hero, however finally you will should take your masks off, and you then’ll be your self once more for the remainder of your life, and it will likely be fucking horrible.

    • John then states that one of many causes Giuliani is working as Trump’s lawyer is as a result of he’s going by means of a divorce, earlier than noting that, in accordance with one among his complaints, his estranged spouse took the distant management along with her, leaving him restricted to utilizing his iPads to observe TV.

      John: Because Rudy Giuliani, cybersecurity knowledgeable and Donald Trump’s lawyer, is seemingly unaware which you can purchase new distant controls at Best Buy!

  • During the story on compound pharmacies, John notes how these pharmacies will generally fill out pretend buyer prescriptions utilizing the names of celebrities or fictional characters. So in fact, this comes up once more on the finish of the episode, as John places collectively a video message from a few of these named by the pharmacies in such circumstances — David Schwimmer, Method Man, Jimmy Kimmel, RuPaul, Michael Bolton, Kristen Bell as Sarah Marshall, and Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer — taking the pharmacies to activity.
    • At one level, Sutherland will get actually into character as Bauer, threatening to provide the pharmacy executives his trademark, because the digital camera slowly zooms in on his face because the lighting darkens round him ominously. And then it smashes again to a freaked out Method Man.

      Method Man: Jesus Christ.

    • In response to some extent introduced up in the course of the story, that compound pharmacies are additionally used to make drugs for animals like parrots, Michael Bolton reveals that he loves parrots, and that “Can’t Smile Without You” was written a few parrot that left him… for Method Man.

      David Schwimmer: (wanting deeply confused) What the fuck?

    • Jimmy Kimmel repeatedly claims that he is the most effective late night time present host, and complains about how any person retains successful his Emmys.observe 
  • On China’s One Child Policy:
    • John calls a Creepy Child from an previous Chinese propganda video reminding people who having multiple youngster is in opposition to the legislation an efficient means from disuading dad and mom from doing so.

      John: Congratulations Mrs. Jeong, you gave start to a wholesome little agro narc!

    • John’s temporary clarification of the gender disparity at the start of the phase is adopted by a clip of “the most miserable place in China.”, a village the place lonely, single males sulk with nothing to do. The reporter’s Brutally Honest description makes it funnier.
    • A birthplanning employee (principally a spy inside the work place watching out for potential pregnancies) at a manufacturing facility is requested if her fellow feminine employees discover her fixed questioning about issues like their intervals and intercourse life intrusive and if it makes for resentment. The girl confidentaly says no and that the opposite girls are grateful for her concern.
      John: If there’s something I find out about girls, and there positively is not, it is that they like to be requested detailed questions on their intervals at work! Seriously, simply go as much as a collegue and say, “How do you like that diva cup girlfriend? Do you wear it with a period thong to prevent leakage? And how about that absorbant period toilet paper?
      • Turns out the female writers who wrote the joke told John that one of those things isn’t real, only they didn’t tell him which one. He guesses it’s the diva cup because it “seems like what Mariah Carrey calls for all of her drinks are available.”observe  It’s actually the period toilet paper.
    • After showing a clip of a pickup agency training men how to pick-up women, including a man practicing magic tricks, John helpfully explains the trick:

      John: At the beginning, the hoop and the chain are separate, and by the end, any woman he’s talking to has disappeared.

    • The Running Gag of John stating that pandas are hideous, and the reason they’re endangered is because they don’t want to have sex with each other.
    • One of the long term consequences of the one-child policy is a child obesity epidemic due to overindulgence of only children, leading to nicknames like “little meatball”. John says it’s mean to call a kid that if they don’t like it while also gushing over a picture of a chubby little boy, using the same nickname affectionately.
  • On Stupid Watergate II update:
    • John describes Stupid Watergate II as “the least wished sequel ever, intently adopted by each Pirates of the Caribbean sequel.”
    • After testimony from United States ambassador to Ukraine Bill Taylor regarding the Trump-Ukraine scandal was described as “essentially the most terrifying day in Congress”, John says the last time described as that was the day Orrin Hatch got bangs.

      John: I respect you for trying something new, Orrin, but absolutely not.

    • After it was reported that Trump’s personal attorney Rudy Giuliani had butt-dialed a journalist, leading to the reveal that it was apparently a regular occurence (to the point one said “Everyone has Rudy butt dial story”), John wonders how one could butt dial someone on a smartphone, since it would require to unlock the phone, scroll through their contacts and then dial.
  • On the Brexit deadline extension:
    • John describes Brexit as standing for “Badvert concept, Really unhealthy concept, EXtremely unhealthy Idea, and Toodle-doo!”
    • John notes that the deadline was initially set for October 31, on Halloween. Demonstrating good memory, John considers it the worst thing to be added to Halloween since Playboy in 2014 released a “Sexy John Oliver” costume.

      John: What were you thinking, Playboy?! The original John Oliver is already the sexy one! You’re putting a hat on a hat, guys! It’s a two-hat situation right there!

      • Made more hilarious in that, just as the uproarious laughter from the audience from showing the model in costume was dying down, someone in the audience did a wolf whistle, which reignited the laughter.
    • When UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson said that he would rather be “useless in a ditch” than to ask for a deadline extension for Brexit, John exhibits an image of him in unflattering avenue garments, saying that his hair, wardrobe and common aesthetic already may very well be finest described as “Big Ditch Energy.”
    • When it’s reported that Johnson eventually had to do an extension request, but did so by sending a note for an extension request that was unsigned, while sending a note saying the exact opposite that was signed, John ends up going on a tangent about signatures.

      John: How are signatures still a thing that matters anyway? We live in an time where actual robots exist, but if you want to make something official you need to write your own name weird. “Yes, women and gents of the jury, my shopper’s title is on the homicide confession, however I ask you this: Is it wiggly?”

    • John then shows a clip of a MP that showed that the MP hadn’t read the withdrawal agreement bill that was up for vote, comparing it with how *NSYNC not reading their contract before signing it led to their manager stealing millions of dollars from them.
      John: But honestly, deal aside, they should have known not to trust him; I mean, look at that guy, [shows a picture of the manager with the band, and does a close-up to him] if anyone is gonna rip you off, ♪ it’s gonna be him! ♪
  • On Voting Machines:
    John: Voting. Among other things, it’s the only way to get Sean Spicer off Dancing with the Stars. So far, he’s danced the red wedding, the “Woody from Toy Story after his third divorce”, and this… (clip of Spicer in a green shirt dancing with his partner and into a sliding finish) …Cool. He is dressed, and dancing there, like the Chernobyl Musketeer. Please, America, vote this man out of everyone’s misery.
  • On SLAPP Suits:
    • John points out how Bob Murray’s lawyers wrote HBO a threatening note about how getting a lawsuit from him would result in the company being “in for the combat of its existence.” John takes a moment to assure the audience that as long as HBO is sitting on the Game of Thrones IP, the company will probably be fine. No sooner has he said this before a brief Thousand-Yard Stare wanders across his face.
    • John mentions that Murray attempted to get a gag order forced on HBO, which would have prevented them from rebroadcasting the episode or even having it online. John reassures the audience that the piece is “nonetheless on the web, large time” and hyperlinks by means of to
    • When Murray brought the case up to the West Virginia Supreme Court, John realises that one of the judges was Justice Allen Loughry, who the show previously discussed:

      (cuts to an old segment playing Allen Loughry’s campaign ad)

      Loughry: Hi, I’m Allen Loughry and I’m running for our Supreme Court. It’s Loughry as in Law and Free. (words “Law & Free” appear on the screen) This is my house, come on in!

      Loughry: There’s the kitchen, something smells good! (an image of chocolate chip cookies appears)

      Loughry: In my family room, my wife Kallie Loughry and my son Justus Loughry (word “Justice” appears, then changes to “Justus”) Yes, Justus Loughry.

      Justus: Yes sir!

      (cuts back to John)

      Past John: (in a Texan accent) Yep! I call my son “Justus”, I call my dog “Preamble” and I call my penis “the Gavel”! Vote for me! (mimes banging a gavel) Boom! Boom!

      (cuts back to the present)

      John: Oopsie! I mean, as far as things to say about a judge before he makes a ruling on your case goes, claiming he calls his penis “the Gavel” is maybe not the best choice! Even though, look at him, he clearly does.

    • At the end of the segment, John breaks out into a musical number about all the horrible things that Bob Murray couldn’t have possibly done in order to tell him in so many words to go fuck himself without allowing him to legally sue them. Midway through the song an HBO lawyer (played by Brian d’Arcy James) comes in and makes John stop… …so he can have a verse all to himself.

      Lawyer: See ya in court fuckface!

    • All the outlandish claims made about Bob Murray by John and all the other back up singers and dancers in the musical, including that he started World War I, masturbates to Schindler’s List, breaks into people’s homes to ejaculate in their Wheaties, is the Zodiac killer, and, as elaborated on in step-by-step detail by the above-mentioned lawyer, shoved candy up his asshole in the M&M store and tried to make people eat it. Mr. Nutter Butter also returns, this time singing in a barbershop quartet about how Bob Murray fucks squirrels. John then brags about how Bob cannot sue them because the claims are too weird to be considered slander and are all jokes.

      John: If we discuss Bob Murray in a way that no reasonable person could construe as factual, then we can say whatever the fuck we like!

    • All this is even better when one imagines John pitching the musical number to HBO’s executives.
  • A Stupid Watergate II update:
    • John describes it this time as the sequel that could only get worse if it added Jar Jar Binks. He then claims that Jar Jar Binks is scheduled to testify before Congress next Thursday.
    • John notes that Trump supporters have several excuses for the scandal, starting with arguing that nothing happened (complete with Laura Ingraham saying with a straight face “Attempted bribery is not within the Constitution!”). John sees a problem with that.
      John: If you tried to blow up an airliner and your vest doesn’t go off, you don’t get to go “Well, no hurt, no foul” and then sit there watching Detective Pikachu for the rest of the flight!
    • John notes that the next argument is that it happened, but it was totally fine, showing one Republican county chair that alleges that, saying “Do we would like Trump to not be Trump?” John in indignant.
      John: Yes! Yes! So badly! I want Trump not to be Trump more than anything else in the world right now! I would take any kind of Freaky Friday situation! I would honestly be happy if he switched bodies with a racoon; and honestly, Trump probably would too, he wouldn’t have to deal with the impeachment inquiry and he’ll get to keep his all-trash diet; it’s a win-win!
    • John then shows that another argument is that it’s too boring to care about.
      Stuart Varney: I mean, with Richard Nixon, there was a break-in; with Bill Clinton, there was sex in the Oval Office, with Trump, it’s a phone call, to Ukraine. What the devil is that all about?
      John: Oh, I’m so sorry this gigantic abuse of power isn’t sexy enough for you, stupid. Although, I will say, if robbery and sex are what you want, the Russia scandal had hacked emails and Trump did pay $130,000 to a porn star; do either of those scandals turn your crank, Stu? Pick the Trump scandal you prefer, the beauty is: there’s one for everyone!
    • Finally, John states that there’s people who argue that it’s too complicated for people to understand, showing a Fox News contributor who claims to not even know what quid pro quo means or what language it is from, to which Steve Doocy has to tell him it’s Latin.

      John: Yes, yes it is Latin. And the only thing there more shocking than the stupidity is that watching someone be accurately corrected by Steve Doocy! A man whose business card reads, and this is true: “An Idiot.”

  • The Census:
    • In the beginning of the segment, John calls the census the only reasonable excuse to let strangers into your home, unless they have candy.
    • The show runs an ad from the 80s encouraging people to take part in the census with a very nice song which John compliments. (“Of course, it is no “Eat Shit Bob”) however then he snarks in regards to the large, creepy Mickey Mouse within the advert snorting cocaine.

      John: That’s a truth! A Disney truth!

    • The Disney Fact turns into a working gag all through the episode.
    • Trump is vehemently opposed in opposition to the census and makes wild and false claims in regards to the questions that it asks, together with the variety of bathrooms you’ve in your own home. A perplexed John replies no person asks that, however the reply needs to be 4 bathrooms for everybody, “One for pees, one for poops, one for guests, and one for groups.”
    • John explains how the census asks easy questions, corresponding to your title and the title, quantity, and relation of the opposite family members, together with infants, which is proven in a Nineteen Forties coaching video of a lady answering those self same inquiries to the census employee visiting her home. The regular video turns into unintentionally, hilariously creepy when the subject of infants comes up, and John and the viewers are horrified by the lady’s reply.

      Census employee: Are there any infants in the home?

      Mrs. McGee: (cheerfully) No, not anymore!

    • Another video of a census employee visiting somebody’s home comes up, solely the person answering is extraordinarily hostile to her, refusing to cooperate along with her questions, recording the encounter and claiming that there have been circumstances of census employees coming into individuals’s houses and raping and killing them, which the census employee takes with a peaceful and picked up demeanor. John involves the lady’s protection.
    • In the top, John encourages fellow Americans to participate within the upcoming census if not for the nation, then simply to bother Trump, including in to even throw within the variety of bathrooms it’s a must to piss him off some extra.
  • “Chiijohn” is stuffed with these:
    • John misses his mates in Japan, and tries to contact them with a bottled message as a result of it is a extra dependable methodology than calling them on AT&T.
    • To ship his message, John heads to the docks. He makes use of all of his bodily power to throw the bottle so far as he can… the digital camera follows the bottle because it hits the water 2-3 meters from John.
    • Upon receiving the message, Chiijohn and Shinjo-kun really feel unhappy for John. He had AT&T.
    • They pack their stuff and head to a close-by fish store to say their goodbye to the native fish. The fish reply “we’re dead” however want them luck regardless.
    • In the aircraft, some poor Japanese man will get the center seat between Chiijohn and Shinjo-kun. According to the voiceover, it isn’t the primary time he is gotten caught between two large otters on a flight.
    • In New York, the 2 seek for John. After some hijinks, a person on a comedy membership they discovered agrees to cause them to “TV’s best late show host”. The two discover themselves on the set of Late Night with Seth Meyers, and determine Seth Meyers is simply too humorous and good-looking to be John.
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    Season Seven 

  • On the aftermath of the Trump impeachment trial and his interference within the sentencing of Roger Stone.
    • John opens the season by speaking in regards to the largest information tales in the course of the hiatus, ending with “what happens when an obvious criminal socipath is accused of abusing his power, yet somehow holds onto his office by sailing through a sham investigation”… after which reveals that he is speaking about how sports activities mascot Gritty was being cleared of assault prices after being accused of punching a teenage fan. Then he brings up Trump’s impeachment trial.
    • When John was discussing Gritty’s case in itself, he takes exception of the reporter describing Gritty’s eyes as “googly.”
    • John just isn’t reassured by Maine Senator Susan Collins saying that Trump has discovered his lesson from the impeachment.

      John: Of course he hasn’t discovered his lesson! Trump by no means learns his lesson! This is the person whose first-born youngster was Donald Trump Jr., and he saved having kids! There is not any lesson-learning capability within the man!

    • When discussing Trump ally Roger Stone being discovered responsible on varied prices just for the Justice Department to overturn the ruling for half-assed causes after Trump complained about it, John calls out how Stone is clearly responsible by citing his notorious trend sense:
      John: … and in addition, have a look at him! I do know you should not profile individuals primarily based on how they give the impression of being, however Look! At! Him! [each word punctuated by a picture of Stone in outlandish clothes] Look at him! His costume code is “Business scoundrel”! He seems to be just like the model at a division retailer for Dick Tracy villains! He seems to be like a man whose day planning simply says “Frame Roger Rabbit”! Look at him!
    • John exhibits a number of clips from pro-Trump pundits defending his medding into Stone’s trial, ending with one saying that the Justice Department works for the President and is a part of the Executive Branch. John sarcastically agrees with him, resulting in a convoluted story about what would it not appear to be if a gaggle of DOJ officers needed to take orders immediately from Trump.
      John: Oh, he is proper in fact! Everyone on the Justice Department works for the President. When he says “Jump”, they should say “How excessive?”; when he says “Lock her up, they should say “How lengthy?”; when he says “Get me Flubber”, they should say “From the film?”; when he says “Yes!”, they should say “Okay?”; when he says “Where’s that Flubber I requested for?”, they should say “We’re engaged on it!”; When he says “I want it now”, they should say “Okay, right here it’s!”; when he says “Is this lettuce?”, they should say, “No, that is Flubber”; when he says “It’s not dancing”, they should say “It’s most likely simply drained!”; when he says “Go away so my Flubber can sleep”, they should say “It could be an honor”; and then everyone in the Justice Department should line up and kiss the Flubber goodnight because dammit, they’re part of the Executive Branch, they work for him!
    • John notes that Trump’s remarks about the case resulted in Attorey General William Barr saying that Trump should stop tweeting about DOJ cases, which was perceived by most of the media as a riff between Trump and the AG, but John said that he had “a sickening feeling” that Laura Ingraham was the one who actually got it right when she said that Barr actually was basically telling Trump “I acquired this.” All of this leads into a hell of a punchline.
  • On Medicare For All:
    • John describing a Fox News anchorwomanobserve  as “Sarah Palin’s fourth try at cloning herself” and “Tina Fey doing her finest Dr. Evil impression.”
    • John discusses how health insurance company PEHP started sending their clients to Tijuana, Mexico, to buy their drugs in exchange for $500.

      John: That’s fucking crazy! Giving you $500 to go to Mexico to buy drugs is not what your insurance provider should be doing. It’s what your sketchy friend Meredith should be doing, cause she wants to make Brianna’s bachelorette party (squeaky female voice) a total rager! I’d go myself but I have outstanding warrants…

    • After discussing the issue of wait times, John remarks that no one likes waiting in line for anything, and when faced with one in Trader Joe’s, people would either abandon their cart or pull the fire alarm and sneak out with their groceries undetected.
      John: I’m not saying I ever done that, I’m just saying (pulls out a grocery bag, crowd cheers) I had a show to do tonight and who wants some peanut butter pretzels? (flings package to the crowd)
    • As John discusses how Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg’s proposal, “Medicare For All Who Want It”, doesn’t actually address the problems that exist within the American healthcare system:
  • On Michael Bloomberg’s presidential campaign:
    • John is pretty freaked out by one pundit’s explanation of why people would vote for Bloomberg:

      Pundit: They like dating Pete [Buttigieg], they like dating Amy [Klobuchar], but they like the guy who can take them to the prom in the the best-looking gown, the best-looking dress, and the biggest flowers, and that’s Mike Bloomberg.
      John: What are you talking about? That is such a creepy thing to say. Although, just for the record, nobody is hoping that Mike Bloomberg will take them to the prom. Now, I do get why you might confuse him with a prom date, though; he’s painfully awkward, looks uncomfortable in a suit, and he’s a virgin. I know, I know he technically has two daughters, but that doesn’t change the fact that Michael Bloomberg has big virgin energy.

    • When John discusses how much money Bloomberg has spent on advertising for his campaign, he says that at this point the viewer will probably have seen one already. Just as he says that, a pop-up ad for Bloomberg appears onscreen. Made more hilarious John shrieking “WHAT THE FUCK?!” when he notices it and shoos it away with a rolled paper, at which point the ad grows legs and runs away.
    • John is clearly at a loss for words when he sees that one ad for Bloomberg consists simply of Bloomberg asking “Where’s my ice cream?”, and after being handed a pint and awkwardly taking a scoop out of it, saying “Big Gay ice cream is the most effective.”

      John: …Okay?

    • John then notes that Bloomberg’s campaign has been paying meme-generating Instagram accounts to make memes for his campaign, including one named “shitheadsteve.” John then acts as if shitheadsteve was a bastion of journalism and is now tainted for him.
    • When John discusses Bloomberg’s controversial stop-and-frisk policy as Mayor of New York City, he notes that he may be not the best person to do it.
      John: People of color don’t need their experience validated by somebody like me, who, let’s face it, is so white he looks like the ghost of a stork who died of a milk overdose while listening to Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me! I know what I am!
  • On Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi:
    • The segment on Modi starts with John saying that India just narrowly beats out the United States where a twenty-minute lecture in a British accent is the least welcome.
    • John taking the opportunity to give Trump “The Reason You Suck” Speech when he mentions Modi being the Father of India:

      John: Yeah, that’s not so bad, is it? You know what a father is, right? It’s a guy who brings the family together by giving them lots of money but never emotional validation and sure, that means the remainder of your life is spent in a series of grasping quests for recognition and unconditional love from everyone around you and if anyone doesn’t love you enough, you hate them and want them to die in prison because living this kind of life is kind of like being in a very nice boat made of friends think you’re the best and anyone who doesn’t think that is a small hole in your boat and it lets the water in, and eventually you sink below the waves, and there’s nothing left but you drowning in a silent, screaming, abyss that your father bestows you as your gruesome birthright!

    • When talking about how Modi’s supporters are dedicated enough to wear masks of him at his rallies, John begs his audience to never do that in his show, accompanied by a graphic depicting that, since that is one of his literal nightmares.
    • John notes that Modi’s election in 2014 was one of the subjects of the show’s very first episode, and then complains that Modi has aged much better since then than he has.

      John: If this is the result of someone slowly poisoning me… please do it faster.

    • A clip at one of the recent New Delhi riots where some protestors even torched buses.

      John: Burnt out buses generally aren’t a sign that people aren’t happy with you. They’re a gesture that says, “You suck so laborious I do not even care how I get house.”

    • After a clip of a Hindu nationalist favorably speaking of how Hitler preserved the “purity” of his people, John states that the only thing Hitler should be praised for is killing himself, complete with a graphic of John giving a thumbs up and reading “Way to go, Hitler!”. John then asks that the viewer not take that image out of context.
  • On Coronavirus:
    • John starts by mentioning that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) said that the virus spreading to the U.S. was “not a matter of ‘if’ however ‘when'”. John says that “not a matter of ‘if’ however ‘when'” is not a comforting thing to hear about the spread of a deadly virus, saying that it’s only conforting regarding things such as “whether or not Saoirse Ronan will win an Oscar, or whether or not Henry Kissinger will ever die.”
    • When John lists many questions on the way one could get coronavirus, which includes gargling with bleach and eating Chinese food.

      John: Of course you can’t get the coronavirus from eating Chinese food. In fact, if you’re eating at a Panda Express, you can’t even get Chinese food from eating Chinese food. Although I will say this: you are unlikely to get the coronavirus if you regularly gargle bleach, because you know what they say, being dead is already the best medicine.

    • After John notes that journalist Chuck Todd considered that the virus’s disease having a 2% mortality rate wasn’t severe, and telling an anecdote about telling it to his son:
      John: Okay, so, first, on behalf of your teenager: “Dad, get out of my room and cease telling me the information!” But second, 2% of people is a lot when you’re talking about those people dying. Think about it this way: Two percent of people disappearing was literally the premise of The Leftovers. You know, the show whose pilot very much did not consist of Justin Theroux going “Well, that was tough, however to be trustworthy, may have been worse” and then the show ended.
    • When showing a news clip about how loudspeakers were installed in Wuhan (from where the outbreak started) notifying of the city’s lockdown.

      John: Holy shit. A talking box that tells you you can’t leave your house feels pretty dystopian. To be honest, I prefer our dystopia where a talking box listens to all our conversations and then tells Jeff Bezos when I’ll need underwear next. It’s such a convenient way to give up everything.

    • When John lists the many ways countries around the world made campaigns to stop the spread of the virus, he highlights Vietnam doing a song about hand-washing that is incredibly catchy, even becoming a TikTok challenge.
      John: Vietnam made a song about washing your hands to prevent coronavirus infection and it absolutely slaps! That’s a genuine club banger right there! […] It makes all other songs about washing yourself look like trash, and I’m talking to you here, Ernie. Look, you’re been on top of the pile for a long time, but you got complacient, didn’t ya, and while other artists were out there innovating, you kept singing the same old ducky song. You lost the hunger, son! You fell asleep on the wheel and music moved on without ya!
  • When doing an update about the episode about Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi, John reveals that in India, streaming service Hotstar didn’t carry the episode. John then adds that Hotstar has a history of censoring episodes, in particular those featuring jokes about Disney, due to Hotstar actually being owned by Disney, such as removing a joke in the episode about the U.S. census that Mickey Mouse was a cocaine addict (calling it a “Disney Fact”), and one in the episode about China’s One-Child Policy that Donald Duck’s penis is shaped like a corkscrew (which in particular annoyed John, since in real life duck do have corkscrew-shaped penises). He then states that, in virtue of the authority he considers him having played Zazu gives him, he’s going to make “Disney Fact” a Running Gag.
    John: If I say that Cogsworth collects Nazi memorabilia, guess what? That’s canon, baby! That’s a Disney fucking Fact right there! And for the foreseable future Hotstar, you’ll look forward to learning a lot more of them on this show, ’cause we’re gonna slide them down into our stories like Chip ‘n Dale slid into Richard Gere. That’s a Disney Fact, motherfuckers!!!
  • On Coronavirus III:
  • On One America News Network:
    • The “And Now This” segment is about all the news people working from home over telecom asking each other if they’re wearing pants. At the end of the episode, once John signs off but leaves the camera running, he gets up and reveals that he’s not wearing pants.
    • John predicts that news networks will one day announce his tragic death via pelican.

      John: Look, I love corndogs, the pier, and taunting large birds. It’s only a matter of time.

    • A nice Call-Back to the “belief me” from the previous episode, talking about how one of OANN’s news hosts got a haircut in an act of “defiance”, and John saying you’ll survive if you have bad hair on TV…

      John: Trust me. (shows a picture of himself with bad hair) Trust me. (shows another) Hey! Look at me. Trust me. (shows another)

    • John reveals that OAN reporter Chanel Rion runs a word-of-the-day website, Wordeby’s, focusing on erudite, obscure words such as “Metanoia”, “Orphic” and “Backpfeifengesicht”, the last of which he frequently mispronounces. John describes the website’s About page as fanfaronade and at the end of the video, disparages OAN with more words.

      John: This website is so handy!

    • John shows a tweet by OAN’s network account, lambasting Trump for neglecting to mention them in his thank-you speech to his supporters in the media.
      John: They slip from fawning praise to sullen fury if people stop complimenting them for a single second, although when you put it like that, you do kind of get what OAN and the President see in each other.
  • On Coronavirus IV:
  • On Coronavirus V:
    • John commenting that Rush Limbaugh has “hundreds of thousands of listeners, a Presidential Medal of Freedom and virtually actually a room in his basement that his housekeeper just isn’t allowed to enter.”
    • John shows clip of Sean Hannity discussing that baseball stadiums be open, miming how he’ll eat a hot dog (complete with a stupid sound effect) and drink his beer.
      John: Anecdotally, I know a guy who ate a hot dog once and didn’t get Coronavirus so that absolutely checks out.
    • John comparing Limbaugh’s gold microphone to C3PO’s penis.
    • When noting that Trump parroted Steve Hilton’s “remedy is worse than the illness”, John wonders why Trump can’t parrot other shows the next day:

      John: If he’s gonna do that, the very least he could do is pick a better show than Steve Hilton’s The Next Revolution. Why not go with Below Deck: Sailing Yacht? That way, we get to hear the President the United States tell us about how Adam the chef is a tease and how Madison needs to understand her role in the interior pecking order and start listening to her chief Stu because Jenna does not need to take her shit. Yes, it wouldn’t be helpful during a pandemic, but al least it wouldn’t be actively harmful!

  • On Wendy Williams: In a clip, Wendy calls for her cats, Chitchat and Myway:
    John: Now look! There’s nothing surprising with cats not coming when they’re called. After all, you’ve never seen any cats on this show and I have 28 of them. Watch. Milkdud! Domino! Gaster! Jefferson! Opus! Stanley! Clown Car! Becky! Allison! Deborah! Gus! Gus 2! Gus 3 – The Final Gus! Gus 4 – A New Begussaning! Daniel Craig the Cat! Gumdrop! Mr Prettywhiskers! Bluebell! Amelia! Reginald! Strawberry! Floopynummybutterkins! John Jr! Stripey! Noodles! Dikatbe Mutombo! Dikatbe Catombo! FRANK! (beat) See?
  • USPS:
    • John plays an audio clip of a toilet being flushed during oral arguments to the Supreme Court. John criticizes this, so naturally it happens to him. He then yells to his son that they are strictly to poop on Tuesdays.
    • John paraphrasing Bill Barr:

      John: History is a lie we tell ourselves when we fall asleep at night, the world is nothing but formless chaos and there is no truth but that which that the strong impose upon the weak.

    • John describing Peter Hagel’s suit as “the carcass of an American flag that he murdered”.
    • The smiling mail lady who interrupts Tik Tok videos, including an “interspecies orgy” (two cows licking a cat).
    • The “caught on stamps!” retro ’90s ad.

      John: First: That song can get it. And also, kudos on featuring all the stamps that kids love, from those slammin’ dino stamps to the dank “get properly” stamp with irises, and my personal favorite: The one that simply says “lace-making”. And I think I speak for cool kids everywhere when I say there’s simply nothing doper than a totally bitchin’ lei stamp; I’m just worried it might be too cool.

    • John noting that you can’t download medicine from the internet. Although, you can download The Medicine by Jeremy Renner… “however, and this is essential: You should not do this.”
    • John having bought a “The Grass is Greener Under My Weiner” rock from Kansas and visibly struggling to pick it up and put it down. The rock makes loud “thunks” when being placed back onto where ever it was resting on.

      (the second time) Jesus Christ!

  • Cats: With videos of cats watching Last Week Tonight spreading around the internet, John did a special Cat Week Tonight skit, ending with a parody of his Doomsday video, with Michael Sheen just saying the word “Cats” over clips of cats.
  • Voting By Mail: His off-topic rant about HBO Max:

    John: What is it?? Does anyone actually know? How do I get it? I’m on it and I don’t know! And why is it so purple? It’s like I’m watching television from inside Grimace’s asshole, and not in a good way.

  • Coronavirus VIII: Prisons & Jails:
  • China & Uighurs:
    • A reporter confronted the CEO of Volkswagen exec about if it uses forced labor.

      John: Wow. Finding out that Volkwagen is overlooking a massive human rights crisis is kind of a lot like finding out your grandparents are still having sex. Sure, it’s completely horrifying, but it really shouldn’t be too shocking; after all, they’ve been doing it since World War II.

  • Juries:
    • Noting that people with the last name starting with “Z” always get the short end of the stick, and protests that people with Z last names are hotter:
    • His entire diatribe on the creation of Vinnie Politan’s “Race Card”.
    • His mini rant against the town of Danbury, CT, just for how randomly vitriolic it is. It comes back again in the following episode on the border wall.

      John: If you’re going to forget a town in Connecticut, why not forget Danbury, because – and this is true – FUCK Danbury! From its charming railway museum to its historic halfstone castle, Danbury, Connecticut can eat my whole ass! I know exactly three things about Danbury: USA Today ranked it the second best city to live in in 2015, it was once the center of the American hat industry, and, if you’re from there, you’ve got a standing invite to come get a thrashing from John Oliver, children included – fuck you!

  • RNC 2020 and Kenosha:
    • John happily notes that for once, an episode’s main story is actually about stuff that happened that week, meaning that the show is finally living up to its title.
    • After reviewing Danbury’s response to him randomly insulting them, John is delighted when the mayor says that they plan to name their sewage plant after him. Then he tears into the mayor for chickening out on the promise, and offers $50k to fund various local charities on the condition the mayor honor his original claim. He even provides the sign so the taxpayers won’t have to fund it.
  • The World Health Organization (WHO):
    • The Running Gag through the segment of John’s bewilderment at Trump referring to the WHO as being “actually a pipe organ of China”, leading John to constantly put up a picture of a pipe organ and state that “it actually is not”, because that’s not what the word “actually” means.
    • John shows a clip of Trump and his supporters accusing the WHO of being influenced by China, ending with Republican Representative James Comer saying, “China lied, the World Health Organization complied, and because of this many Americans died.” John says that “that rhyme sounded compelling, however you will need to bear in mind, not the whole lot that rhymes is true.” He decides to demonstrate it via Refuge in Audacity.
      John: Here, I’ll show you: “In 1981, James Comer was as much as no good / He stood on a ship and pushed it as laborious as he may / And that is how James Comer killed Natalie Wood.” That is a fantastic rhyme, no questions there, but I do have to accept that it might be untrue.
  • John’s months-long feud with Danbury, CT comes to an end with the city finally agreeing to rename their sewage plant after him.
  • 2020 Election results:
    • John gives out the e-mail address the GOP is using to collect reports of election interference, casually mentions that the term of art for that is “ratfucking”, and suggests the audience do what they will with that information. Meanwhile the graphic is his favorite painting of furry rat erotica.
    • John mocks the infamous clip of a man crashing a press briefing in Nevada to repeatedly rant “The Biden crime household is stealing the election, the media is masking it up!” before abruptly stopping and storming off. Bonus points to all the people in attendance being completely unfazed by the guy’s presence and the speaker in the briefing who was interrupted carrying on like nothing happened.
      John: I think my favorite thing is just how painfully clear it is there that this guy was expecting to get dragged away and was then completely stunned it didn’t happen. “The Biden crime household is stealing our freedom! The Biden crime household is— Really guys, nothing? No one’s gonna escort me outta right here, critically? I used to be actually relying on somebody tossing me in a automotive and taking me away, I do not even have a experience house in any other case. Alright, I suppose I’ll stroll. Have an amazing day everybody. Pizzagate was a 9/11 or no matter.”
  • Trump & Election Results:
    • John making up a story about Forty Fort, Pennsylvania, where a case of voter fraud was found (ironically committed by a Trump supporter). John narrates that the settlers came up with the name as a joke, laughed and went ahead with it despite the protest of a single settler (bearing a resemblance to John), a story that he admits has as much basis as Republican voter fraud claims.
    • In the final segment, John recaps all the fun things he and the crew have done all season, including the constant Adam Driver jokes. However, just as John is doing another one, Driver himself calls, much to John’s horror. This leads to a hilarious confrontation between the two men where Adam Driver angrily calls out John for all of the jokes. It eventually culminates to John apologizing (after three failed attempts) and Driver ordering John to leave his void in the same way that John delivered all the Driver jokes.
    • As it is the season finale, John decides to reminiscence for a bit on the year that has passed, noting how the COVID-19 pandemic he has forced him and his crew to produce the show under unusual circumstances:
    • John lists the events of 2020.
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    Season Eight 

  • “The Next Pandemic”:
    • At the start of the segment, John brings up how the next pandemic could come from any virus, demonstrating with a CGI virus which takes John’s statement as words of encouragement and goes off to start infecting people. At the end of the episode, it comes back to start gloating about everything it’s going to do and how John’s going to get blamed for it.
    • When discussing chillingly foreshadowing footage from 2016 of a virus expert discussing the infection dangers of a bat cave in China frequented by tourists and how it could very likely cause a future pandemic, John questions who even thought it was a good idea to make a “walk-in bat rest room” a tourist attraction in the first place.
    • To demonstrate how new pathogens are spread by the destruction of wild habitats, John plays several clips of scientists explaining how much of the world’s landmass has been pushed aside for human development. He then states that while some of this has been necessary, in many cases it’s been to make room for things that are completely unneeded, like Salt Lake City.
  • The segment on police raids opens with John remembering cop shows… including Cop Rock. Not only he has to point out the “musical police procedural” was a real failed show, but he makes sure to play a song sung by a child trafficker thrice during the episode!
  • “Unemployment”:

    John: Unemployment: The thing that would absolutely happen to me, if AT&T executives found out what I have been saying about them. But on the other hand, what are they gonna do? Look up it up online? How? With their internet plan? And then what? Call someone? Using AT&T? I think I’m fine.

    • John opens the story with a Sesame Street clip wherein Elmo’s mother is revealed to have lost her job, and she assures Elmo that it’s not his fault; John questions if this is true, since Elmo’s home seems like a bit of a stretch for a limited budget. At the end of the episode, John states that all the problems he’s mentioned over the course of the segment are no one’s fault… except maybe Elmo’s.
  • When discussing how a sports stadium is reopening for business, John mentions how it’s made a habit of having screens depicting a CGI hand sanitizer bottle spraying all over attendees, which looks strikingly like it’s ejaculating all over them. And then a couple of times throughout the episode, a similar CGI bottle appears over John and sprays over him, to his disgust.

    John: I feel dirtier now!

  • John ridicules the Democratic Party for promoting their Covid-19 stimulus bill in an ad using the “cue card” scene from Love Actually, which he finds incredibly misguided for several reasons:
    John: No. There is simply no thematic or conceptual reason to use that scene. Start with the fact that the video was posted on March 10th, and depending on which direction you’re going, that’s either 290 days before, or 75 days after Christmas. Also, why would either of these people care about the stimulus bill? They live in London! And who are they even meant to represent in regards to it? Are we supposed to be Keira Knightley? Is this guy Nancy Pelosi? And if so, who is the husband in the other room we’re supposed to be hiding this interaction from? I mean, yeah, I’m pretty confident the elected official hounding a staffer is Andrew Cuomo, but other than that, nothing makes sense here.
  • “The National Debt”:
    • John revealing that the son of the man behind the Times Square debt clock is a (suspected) Serial Killer.
    • John replays Fox News reporter John Stossel’s fear-mongering segment of Greek riots as a reaction to the Duke not returning on Bridgerton.
    • John buys a Nicolas Cage pillow where he’s nude in a banana with two wolves around him. He later reveals he bought a second one:
    • John’s reaction to Ted Cruz summarizing the GOP’s hypocrisy when it comes to the national debt and trying to deflect it:

      John: I do not like that man Ted Cruz, I do not like his far-right views. I do not like him in these reeds, I do not like him when he feeds. I do not like him by a wall, I do not like this shit at all. I do not like him as Santa’s elf, that man Ted Cruz can go fuck himself.

  • Vaccine hesitancy:
    • John saying one of few side effects he had after the second shot was being a “boss ass bitch”, a Call-Back to a video earlier in the episode.
    • After showing a lame “get vaccinated” PSA from Lousiana Senator John N. Kennedy, John says that’s the worst thing to come out of a Kennedy’s mouth since the back of a Kennedy’s head.
    • John goes on an absurd and strangely tranquil tangent about how comfortable it would be to live inside an egg, yolk included, whether the egg is giant or he’s shrunken down. Even odder, he’s saying this as an example of something Bill Gates wouldn’t tell his then-wife.
  • John’s reaction to seeing that the White Void Room in Mortal Kombat (2021) looks just like the one the show’s used throughout the pandemic.
    John: What the fuck? The void is taking other jobs now? Although it’s clearly been the Breakout Character of this show in the last year, so I shouldn’t really be surprised it’s doing cameos elsewhere on HBO Max. It is so white and depressing, I genuinely confused it for Mare of Easttown.
  • In the Stand Your Ground segment, John points out that NRA lobbyist Marion Hammer (largely credited for the adoption of Stand Your Ground laws across the United States) also once helped kill a petition to make the scrub jay the state bird of Florida partially on the grounds that “I do not suppose scrub jays may even sing.”

    John: Scrub jays can’t sing? You might want to tell that to the scrub jay, Marion!

    John: See? That’s fine! Is it great? No, it’s not great. It’s fine. It is perfectly fine. Sure, the bird is no Mariah, but it’s also no Roseanne. If that bird is anyone, it’s Fergie. You heard me, the scrub jay is Fergie. Tweet it, talk it, put it in your pocket, I’ve made a flimsy take and I’m proud of it.
  • Sponsored Content:
    • A real newscast from New York:

      Sue Simmons: At eleven, pay more at the grocer, but getting less. We’ll tell you how to get the most. (over footage of a cruise liner) The fuck are you doing?!

    • John shows an old newscast from the 1960’s where it awkwardly cuts from a teaser to a story about a race crime to an ad where an actor looks a little too excited about a ham he’s sponsoring.

      John: …A man who is, no matter what he says, definitely fucking that ham.

    • John is grossed out by a man’s hand gesture that looks like fondling balls.
      John: That is unnecessarily gross. This isn’t how you represent “cake and icing”; this is how you bring a mash’s ham to orgasm. You give it the old wiggle and squeeze and then a twist and a snap.
  • The Cheerios saga: In a week the show was off, they released a web-exclusive about cereal in which John issued Cheerios a challenge to tweet “Fuck you” on their official account in return for him donating $50,000 to a charity of their choice. Cheerios tweeted back a counter-challenge (since they refused to drop an F-bomb, stating they’re a family-friendly brand) to tweet “Families make good go spherical”. The Last Week Tonight account obliged, posting photos of the Manson family, Menendez brothers and a plaque reading “the Sackler Wing”, before acknowledging all their photos were of murderers and tweeting “Fuck you” to a random Twitter user AlexPon21.
  • Asian-Americans:
    • John notes that a poll asking Americans to name a famous Asian-American resulted in the majority (42%) saying they didn’t know one, followed by 11% saying Jackie Chan (who’s actually from Hong Kong) and 9% mentioning Bruce Lee (who’s been dead since 1973). John notes that this is particularly embarrasing since the poll was conducted while Kamala Harris, who’s Asian-American,note (being born from an Indian mother) was U.S. vice president, saying that it would be like asking Americans to name a famous Joe and getting back 72% asking “Who’s Joe?”, 17% saying John Krasinski, and 11% Joe Millionaire.
    • When discussing the Chinese Exclusion Act, John notes a poster announcing its passing reading at the top “Hip! Hurrah!” followed in the middle by “Hip! Hurrah! The White Man is on Top.” John claims that it’s redundant.
      John: If you said “Hip! Hurrah!” twice, you really don’t need to say “The White Man is on Top.” It’s like saying “Blue Lives Matter” or “Welcome to Carrie Bradshaw’s bed room”; the “white man on high” part is very much implied.
    • After showing a clip about how America’s fear of the economic ascent of Japan in The ’80s led people in Detroit organize contests in which they smashed Japanese cars, John is not impressed.
      John: Wow, that’s stupid. I honestly can’t think of a single good reason to beat up a car, except maybe if Lightning McQueen owes you money, and to be honest, even then, if you really want to hurt him, you don’t beat him with a sledgehammer; you light Mater on fire and you make him watch, that’s what you do, everybody knows that. Where’s my fucking money, McQueen!
  • 2021 NYC Mayoral election:
    • When discussing how this is the first election since New York started using Ranked Choice Voting, John plays a clip of Bill De Blasio explaining the system using the metaphor of ranking your favorite pizza toppings. John lambasts De Blasio for the ridiculous nature of this explanation, then going on a rant about De Blasio’s first topping choices being green peppers and onions.
    • After showing a clip of Eric Adams giving a tour of his apartment to the media in order to prove he’s a NYC resident, John dissects the appearance of the apartment compared to past views of it Adams has posted on social media, stating that it looks more like Adams’ son lives there and Adams himself doesn’t.
    • John notes that being ridiculous seems like a key way to getting elected Mayor of New York, bringing up Rudy Giuliani (“9/11 Nosferatu”), Mike Bloomberg (“Billionaire elf”), and De Blasio (reiterating the bizarre pizza topping metaphor).
  • The episode about Health Care Sharing Ministries ends with the return of Rachel Dratch as Wanda Jo Oliver to promote the Our Lady of Perpetual Health church, a spinoff of Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption, and its own HCSM, JohnnyCare.